Hidden Truths
by Rissy298
Summary: Alan has a secret that is ripping his childhood apart. The past three years of boarding school have been pure pain and suffering. Will Jeff and his brothers help before they lose the youngest Tracy?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**CHAPTER 1**

Alan hated the location of his locker. The headmaster must have hated him. There was no possible way to get from his locker to track on time. He had tried every possible path through the school and nothing got him to practice on time.

"Where's the fire, Blondie?" Wesley appeared out of nowhere.

"I can't be late to track again or I'm going to get stuck running the bleachers after school." Alan rushed.

Wesley had been friends with Alan since he started at Wharton's. Shortly after the incident with the hood Fermat's father had pulled him from school. He was now getting home schooled. Alan and Fermat had drifted apart other than the occasion conversation. Tin Tin's parents were still working for the Tracy's while Tin Tin attended school in London. She was currently living with Lady Penelope.

"You could always drop track." The brunette suggested.

Alan shook his head. "My dad would kill me."

"Don't tell him." Wesley was not on good terms with his family either. His father had been in prison since Alan knew him. Alan often wondered what the boy's father had done to land himself in jail.

Alan decided the only choice he has was to run. He loved to run. It made him feel safe and untouchable. He always invited his brothers and father to come watch his track meets. Unfortunately, they were usually unavailable and unreachable due to IR. If running to practice helped him make up the time, then that's what he had to do.

Alan's gut retched as he reached the track. It only took him a few minutes to get changed and join the team.

"You're late again, Tracy." The coach quipped, but didn't reprimand. "Five laps boys."

Alan had always enjoyed track. To him it wasn't work it was a way to blow off steam. When he reached the finish line he slowed to catch his breath. His body felt numb from the run and his vision started to blur. Something was wrong with him. There was a sharp pain in his side that caused him to fall onto his knees in pain. His chest was constricted. Alan could see blurs of faces, but couldn't distinguish anyone. Then his world went black.

When he woke up he was in the school's clinic on a cot. It took some time to convince the nurse not to call his father. Thankfully she let the matter drop. After Alan was given permission to leave the nurse he went back to his room. Matt, Wesley, and Sam were all waiting for him.

"Where have you been?" Matt snapped.

Alan groaned at the older boy. Matt and Sam were roommates and Wesley and Alan were roommates. Matt was more like an older brother than a friend. He was the responsible one of the group. He made straight A's, participated in every sport he could, and was an honors student.

"I passed out during practice." Alan admitted throwing himself on the bed.

Wesley laughed, "I told you to quit."

Matt smacked Wesley upside the head playfully. "Are you okay?"

"Did the nurse call your dad?" Sam Hanson had been kicked out of every boarding school he'd attended. He was a foster kid that was at Wharton's on a scholarship.

"I finally convinced her I was fine." Alan breezed.

"You don't look fine." Matt commented.

Alan rubbed his eyes. "It's just a headache."

Wesley pulled a joint out of his front pocket. "It will help with the headache."

"Is pot your solution to everything?" Matt scolded.

Wesley shrugged before lighting the joint and passing it to Sam. Matt and Sam left right before curfew. "I have some Vicodin if you need something." Wesley offered.

Alan nodded at the suggestion. Suddenly Alan's computer buzzed and Scott's picture popped up on the screen. Alan slammed his laptop closed before the connection was finalized.

"Have you thought about telling them?" Wesley wondered.

Alan shook his head in denial. "There's nothing to tell." The younger boy lied.

The following morning Alan felt ten times better. He had gotten up before his alarm and showered.

"I heard you passed out in track yesterday." Dr. Lancaster stated with concern.

Alan pressed himself further into his locker. "It was nothing."

The professor reached out and touched Alan's arm gently. "You should stop by after last period."

Alan tensed at the suggestion. This was the way things were since he came to Wharton's Academy. "I can't today I'm behind on homework."

The history professor smirked, "I could help you get caught up. After all, we wouldn't want you to fail."

Alan turned his face away at the threat. Dr. Lancaster had been threatening to get Alan expelled for over two years now. "I'll see you later." He mumbled before rushing off.

Wesley was the only one that knew about Alan's relationship with their history professor. Wesley had caught on pretty quick in regards to Alan's situation. Wesley wanted to tell the headmaster, but Alan refused. He knew that Dr. Lancaster would get him expelled. It would be Alan's word against the professors. That was the last thing Alan needed. Then his father would truly ashamed of him.

"Are you okay?" Wesley nodded his head towards the professor.

Alan hesitated, "Just drop it, we're late."

When Alan entered the professor's office he was instantly thrown off guard. The professor pressed him into the wall angrily. "Who did you tell?" The man growled.

Alan struggled to loosen the grip on his wrists, but failed. Dr. Lancaster had always been stronger than Alan. "I didn't tell anyone." He promised.

"You need to switch rooms." The history professor demanded as he released his grip on Alan.

"Wesley is my best friend." Alan reasoned. "He won't tell anyone."

Dr. Lancaster pulled back and slapped Alan's face. Alan fell to the floor at the force of the slap. "Don't test my patience, Alan. You move rooms or I will have Mr. Pierce expelled for dealing and using drugs."

Alan knew he needed to protect his roommate. Wesley would get arrested if Alan didn't intervene. "I'll put in the request tomorrow." He looked at the floor as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"You are so special." Dr. Lancaster ran his hand along Alan's reddened cheek. "No one else cares about you the way that I do."

Alan flinched away from the touch. The professor ran his fingers along his shoulders. The boy closed his eyes at the man's words. He would always mutter things while touching him. Alan zoned out during moments like this. They were the moments where he felt powerless and useless.

When Alan returned from Dr. Lancaster's office he took another shower. This was his process. He needed to get rid of him. It was the only way Alan could look at himself in the mirror.

"Your phone has been going crazy." Wesley informed.

Alan sat down on the bed as he dried his hair with a towel. He checked his phone to find a few missed called from Scott and John. "I'll call them back later."

Wesley stared at Alan's bruised cheek. "What happened?"

"I can't room with you anymore. I'm so sorry." Alan broke down onto the floor.

Wesley ran over and attempted to comfort his friend. "You can't keep doing this Alan. It's killing you." The brunette begged.

"He threatened to get you expelled." Alan explained.

Wesley sighed, "I don't care."

"I do." Alan admitted. "I can't let him hurt you too."

Within the following week Alan had changed rooms. It was lonely and isolated. Sam had become angry at him for ditching Wesley. Matt on the other hand grew concerned. But between the honors program and sports Alan barely saw him. Wesley still saw Alan in class and occasionally passed him some pills. He wasn't happy about the room change, but understood that Alan was protecting him.

Alan went straight back to his room after track. He was about to swipe his keycard when he noticed the door was open. Scott was sitting on his bed waiting for him. Normally Alan would be ecstatic to see one of his brothers. Their visits were few and far between.

"Hey Sprout!" Scott greeted.

"What are you doing here?" Alan didn't mean for his words to come out as harsh as they did.

Scott's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Well in my defense I did call you. You never called me back." The older boy reasoned.

Alan couldn't believe he forgot to call his brother back. Scott had been calling Alan for the past three weeks. "Sorry I've been really busy." Alan lied.

"Do I at least get a hug?" Scott smiled.

Alan hesitated, but allowed Scott to embrace him. "Are you feeling okay?" Alan could tell Scott's smother hen sensors were in overdrive.

"I'm fine." Alan responded.

That night Scott took Alan to eat off campus. It was nice to get away from everything. No Dr. Lancaster, no friends that he had turned his back on, just him and his brother. Alan pushed the food around on his plate. He didn't really have an appetite since he changed rooms.

"Why did you switch rooms?" Scott interrogated.

"How did you know about that?" Alan wondered.

Scott shrugged, "The school had to call to get Dad's approval."

"Oh," Alan sighed.

Scott was on a digging mission. That much was obvious. "Oh?" The man questioned. "What's going on with you?"

Alan tensed at the opportunity. He could tell his brother what was going on right now. Maybe Scott would listen to him. "I don't like school. I want to be home schooled." He pleaded.

Scott threw his napkin down and ran a hand through his hair. "We've talked about this, Alan. Dad said no shortcuts."

"I'm not trying to take a shortcut." Alan started to argue.

"Stop," Scott ordered. "I don't want to hear any excuses okay. I'm not here to argue. I'm here to spend time with you. Now tell me why you switched rooms."

Alan wanted to cry. Not even his closest brother would listen to him. How was he ever going to get out of this? "My roommate and I weren't getting along." He had given up on telling his brother.

That night Scott had allowed Alan to spend the night at the hotel with him. It was the safest that Alan had felt in two years. Being away from Wharton's Academy for the night was a blessing. For one night he didn't have to worry about Dr. Lancaster.

Scott was on his laptop going through some paperwork when he heard Alan whimper. He closed his computer and listened intently to make sure his brother was still sleeping.

"No, no, please…" Alan wrestled in his sleep.

The older brother hesitated as he watched his little brother. He was having an nightmare. Scott thought Alan had stopped having nightmares.

"STOP! NO!" Alan's tension began to rise as he struggled.

Scott went over and lightly shook his brother awake. "It's okay, Allie." He comforted.

Alan jumped at Scott's touch and started crying. He started to hyperventilate when he saw his older brother sitting next to him. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"I hadn't gone to sleep yet." Scott pulled the blankets up over his brother. "Was it about the hood?"

After the family's island had been invaded Alan had nightmares. They were mostly about his family dying or the hood hurting him. Dr. Lancaster had already come into Alan's life by then. Alan nodded in confirmation. It was easier than telling Scott the truth. Alan often wondered what his brothers would say if they knew the truth. Dr. Lancaster always told Alan they wouldn't believe him.

Scott brushed the hair from his brother's clammy forehead. "We're all okay, Sprout. I promise." He soothed as Alan fell back asleep.

Alan knew his brothers and father were all safe. It was his own safety that worried him. The following morning Scott dropped Alan off at his dorm then headed home. It was a short visit, but it gave Scott some relief. He missed Alan when his father sent home off to boarding school. The island wasn't the same without Alan. Of course, when Alan is home all his did was fight with their father. It was obvious to Scott that Alan had no intention of setting up roots at Wharton's. Alan missed home. Scott often worried about Alan being so far away from the family. He wished he could take Alan home with him instead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 2**

Over the next few months before summer Alan quit track. Sam and Alan still hadn't made up. Matt was overwhelmed with school work. Wesley would check in on Alan and give him the drugs he needed to remain sane. Overall Alan's life had come to a tunnel of misery. He didn't care anymore.

Alan had been seeing Dr. Lancaster every day after school. If he didn't show up the professor would find him at his dorm. It was suffocating. It finally got to the point where Alan started skipping history class all together. He knew he would fail, but he didn't care. He couldn't do what the professor was asking him to do. It was killing him. He just needed a break from everything. Thankfully summer was right around the corner. Lady Penelope would be here any day to pick him up.

The relief that Alan was hoping to feel was a fantasy. He had been home from Wharton's Academy one day and his father and he were already at each other's throats. It was always the same argument. He was always going to be the irresponsible one in his father's eyes.

Jeff put his hands on his hips in frustration. "I thought we were done with this attitude, Alan." His father stated harshly.

"I don't have an attitude. You just don't want me to grow up and make my own decisions." Alan spat angrily. He was done with this conversation. His father never listened to him either way.

"I want you to grow up and be responsible for your actions. Not telling me that you failed a class shows poor decision making on your part." Jeff reasoned.

Alan groaned in annoyance, "I decided I didn't want to study for my history class. Therefore, I failed. Why do you care so much about one insignificant class?" This was Dr. Lancaster's way of pulling him in again.

"This isn't about failing history, Alan. This is about taking responsibility for your mistakes and demonstrating some self-control. Everyone has to do things they don't like at times. That's a part of life." Jeff stressed to his son.

Alan was growing more agitated by the minute. He had become better at controlling his temper most of the time. "What like parenting?" Alan blurted in rage.

"Excuse me?" Jeff gave Alan a worried glance.

Alan took a step forward. "You heard me loud and clear, Dad." Alan was challenging his father to continue with this conversation. "You shipped me off to boarding school the first chance you got."

"That's enough, Alan. You're grounded for the remainder of the break until summer school starts." Jeff ordered.

"Don't bother." Alan shouted as he stormed out of his father's office. His world was falling apart piece by piece. He had fought so hard to separate himself from his history professor for nothing. Now he would be stuck spending every day with the man.

Scott, John, Virgil, and Gordon pretended to be busy as the teenager ran up the stairs. "Should we go after him?" Scott inquired to the remaining three. He had just come down from five when the fight broke out.

"Give the sprout some time to cool down. I'll go talk to Dad." John offered as he got up from the couch.

John knocked on the wall outside of his father's office before entering. "What started it this time?" John started.

"Alan failed his history class." Jeff explained and he handed John the report card.

"He just got home from school. You couldn't give him one day of freedom?" John objected.

"He needs to learn to take responsibility for his own actions, John. That is why I signed him up to retake the class in summer school." Jeff elaborated. "He's lucky Dr. Lancaster was willing to let him in so late."

John knew that meant Alan would be set back to Wharton's in a week or two. Alan wasn't going to be cooling down anytime soon. By the time Alan calmed down enough to have fun he would be back at school.

Alan couldn't do this anymore. He didn't want to be at constant battle with his family. If his father was so convinced that he was irresponsible he would do things on his own. Alan took the pill bottle out of his backpack and downed a pill. He needed to forget for a while. He wanted the pain to disappear. When did things get to the point? He was past the breaking point where he felt abandoned and alone. Right now he wanted everything to stop. He needed to be in control for once.

He was finally awoken by a loud banging on his bedroom door. Alan had no clue what time or day it was now. He assumed it was the next day by the sun beaming through his window. "Go away!" Alan shouted as he covered his head with his pillow.

Suddenly the pillow was torn away from his arms. "You've been up here moping since yesterday afternoon. Time to face the music, Sprout." Gordon teased.

Alan rubbed his eyes to block the light. "Can you close the window?" He sighed quietly.

Gordon cast a questioning glance in Alan's direction before he closed the blinds. Alan was more than just exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot and watery. "Are you feeling okay?" Gordon walked over to check his temperature.

Alan recoiled instantly at his brother's touch. "Get your hands off me!" He screamed as he pushed Gordon's hand away. "You're not allowed to touch me."

Gordon hesitated at his words. He had never heard that tone from Alan before. It was more than anger. Alan's anger was all too noticeable when he was mad. This reaction wasn't mad it was scared. The fear in the younger brother's eyes remained as Gordon backed away.

"I would never hurt you, Allie. I just wanted to make sure you aren't running a fever." Gordon tensed at his brother's eyes. They were now glazed over and not truly attending to the conversation at hand.

Alan rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. "Can you just leave?" He spoke in frustration.

"No. Not until you tell me what the hell you took." Gordon wasn't dumb. He has been around enough strung out athletes trying to rid themselves of stress to know what a person acted like high.

"What are you talking about?" Alan was shocked by his accusation. "I took some aspirin for a migraine."

Gordon snorted, "You're a terrible liar. Always were."

"What do you care anyway? You barely know me?" Alan accused out of fear. Gordon had now seen enough to know that Alan was using drugs. His brother wasn't exactly the sit down and talk through it type.

"Is there a problem here? I can hear your shouting downstairs." Virgil walked into the room to stand between his two younger brothers.

"It's nothing." Alan dismissed passively.

Gordon was in full big brother mode. He couldn't stand by and let his only little brother fade away. "Like hell it is." He protested. "Alan is stoned."

Virgil exchanged glances between Alan and Gordon. The doctor was assessing Alan. "That's crap and you know it." Alan rebutted.

"Watch the mouth, Sprout." Virgil ordered.

"I have a better idea. You two get the heck out of my room." Alan was too angry to care if Gordon knew about the drugs. He wanted to be alone.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what you took." Gordon kept his eyes firm and his jaw set. He was not going to budge or let this go until he knew the truth.

"It's none of your business what I do." Alan argued.

Virgil and Gordon were both growing worried. They had never seen this side of Alan's temper. It was a clear sign of his guilt. "Everything you do is our business, Alan. We're family." Virgil reasoned in hopes that a calm approach would help.

"Then why do you ship me off every chance you get? I mean you can't care that much. If you did know me then this conversation wouldn't be happening. So get out now!" Alan hollered. He didn't mean to blame them for what Dr. Lancaster had been doing.

"Take a drug test and we'll forget this ever happened." Virgil compromised.

The youngest huffed at the idea before responding. "I'd rather pee off my balcony for the rest of the break." Alan refused.

"We could always search your room." Gordon suggested. "If you are using I'm sure you brought your stash with you."

Alan tensed immediately. He had stolen Gordon's pain killers from his bathroom. There was no way he could move them with his brothers here. "Go ahead and search then. But don't expect me to ever forgive you for this." Alan stormed out of the room and down the stairs.

Gordon and Virgil waited until Alan was out of earshot before speaking. "We should call a meeting. I doubt that Alan would allow us to search if he hadn't hidden the drugs well enough or finished them off." Virgil formulated.

"I thought I was overreacting at first." Gordon mumbled. "I thought he was sick."

Virgil gave Gordon a halfhearted smirk. "He definitely wasn't sick."

Gordon took a seat on Alan's bed. "How could we have been so stupid?" He mumbled.

Virgil shrugged, "The sprout's right, Gordo. We don't know enough about him."

"Something tells me if we did this wouldn't have happened." Gordon muttered to himself.

An hour later Virgil and Gordon had corralled everyone into their father's office to retell the morning's events.

"Alan would never do drugs." John crossed his arms. "We would have noticed by now if he was using." John always took Alan's side until he was presented with evidence. Someone had to stand up for the kid.

Virgil interrupted, "I thought the same thing before Alan refused the drug test. He was so abrupt about it."

"He refused to take a drug test?" Jeff responded in shock.

"Flat out refused, he said he's rather pee off his balcony for the remainder of the break." Gordon rephrased.

"He did tell us we could search his room. But we figure if he was willing then he hid the drugs well or finished them off." Virgil explained.

"Scott, Gordon, and I will search Alan's room. John and Virgil will track down Alan. It sounds like we need to have a family talk." Jeff admitted.

How could Jeff be so blind? Alan had been so distant and angry yesterday. He didn't even care about getting grounded. Jeff should have noticed the signs sooner. Maybe Alan was right in his assumptions about them not truly knowing him.

Scott, Gordon, and Jeff had been searching Alan's room for almost an hour when they ran across something. "Did you find something?" Gordon asked noticing Scott's hesitation.

"This is the prescription Virgil wrote you for your back isn't it?" Scott handed the bottle to Gordon.

"I haven't taken it in so long I forgot about it." Gordon confessed. "It's for Vicodin, Dad."

"If Alan's been abusing pain killers this is bigger than just a one time high." Jeff had seen his father get addicted to pain killers when he had cancer.

"I'll get these to Virgil." Scott took the bottle and left the room. He needed space to think about things. Could this day get any worse? Scott had practically raised Alan after their mother died. He expected his father not to know about the drugs, but him. Scott should have noticed something wasn't right. His super brother senses should have been sounding an alarm and he missed it.

Virgil was in the lab when Scott found him. "We found these in Alan's sock drawer."

Scott handed the bottle to Virgil. "Vicodin, I wrote this script for Gordon last year. His back was giving him trouble in the mornings. I should have had him toss them." Virgil rubbed his forehead.

"Dad thinks that he's been taking pills at school too. All the pills are accounted for except one." Scott informed. "Did you find Alan?"

"John found him on the beach." Virgil enlightened.

John and Alan had been sitting in silence since John found him. "How long has this been going on, Alan?" John couldn't afford to be angry at Alan. He too was scared and worried. When did their little brother drift so far?

Alan shrugged, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You don't have to lie to me. I love you no matter what you've done." John promised hoping that Alan would open up to him.

"I like how it feels not to feel anything or care about anything." Alan whispered.

John listened intently to his younger brother. "Not feeling is dangerous, Alan. Drugs take away what makes you Alan Tracy. You lose control." John waited for a response.

"Maybe I don't want to be Alan Tracy anymore. I just want a break and pills give me that." Alan's voice was desperate and scared.

It didn't take John long to realize this was not something Alan did for fun. It wasn't about the high for Alan. It was about shutting out the world around him. Alan was pushing them away and keeping everything bottled in so tight that the only way to make Alan feel comfort was by taking pills. "How long have you been using?" John questioned not waiting to press his luck.

Alan hung his head at the question. He knew his brother wouldn't like the answer. At this point he knew his family was going to find the pills and he would be grounded and sent back to Wharton's again. "Since I was thirteen, I don't take them all the time, just occasionally." Alan revealed.

John rubbed his hand through his hair. He tried not to act startled by the revolution. John was screaming on the inside for one of his brother's to help him. How was he supposed to comfort his brother when he did know who he was anymore? This had stated before the Hood's attack on the island. "I'm going to go talk with Dad. Come back when you're ready." John knew Alan had opened up to him briefly. The least John could do was give Alan some breathing room before the smother hens got a hold of him.

"Where's Alan?" Jeff asked worriedly.

"He needed some time alone. He'll come back when he's ready. Did you find anything?" John was hoping that they hadn't. The less their dad knew the better.

Virgil held up the pill bottle. "He was using Vicodin."

"What did Alan tell you?" Gordon pondered.

"He admitted to using drugs occasionally, here and at school. He said he likes shutting things off for a while and the drugs help." John repeated.

"Yeah, pain killers tend to do that." Gordon snapped.

"Do you think he's addicted?" Jeff had seen their effect first hand.

John hesitated, "He's been using since he was thirteen."

The family froze in silence. "Alan told you that?" Virgil wanted clarification.

John nodded in confirmation. "I wonder how he is going to react now that his stash is gone." Gordon thought deeply.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**CHAPTER 3**

A few hours later Alan came home. They let him have his space knowing there was no way he could use again. They had ripped his room apart and thrown out everything they found. Virgil had locked up the drugs in the infirmary as a precaution.

Alan was impressed that they had found the pills. It's not like he had planned for the search. It was a split second hide. He would always get more when he went back to Wharton's. His dealer was always in summer school. Until then he could hold off on Aspirin or Tylenol. He went to the medicine cabinet to find it empty.

"Killjoys," Alan muttered.

The last thing he needed was them knowing he wanted something. This day had been a constant disappointment. He lay down on his bed and closed his eyes. He preferred his family thinking he was a drug addict than a weakling.

"We're about to go to bed. Do you need anything?" Virgil poked his head in his bedroom door.

Alan shook his head and turned his back to his brother. He felt a hand brush his shoulder. "We love you, Sprout." Alan pulled away on instinct and ignored the comment.

Once Virgil had closed his door Alan pushed his head into his pillow to muffle his screams. Why did they have to find out now? A week or two and he would have been back at Wharton's. Now they were going to make his life a living hell until they dug out the truth. Alan couldn't face the truth. He wasn't ready for his family to know.

"What are you two doing up?" Scott inquired as he walked into the kitchen.

Virgil and John were up working on their computers. "I'm refreshing my memory on drug abuse in adolescents."

"I can't sleep." John admitted.

Gordon stumbled into the kitchen. "Join the club."

"I'll make some coffee." Scott stated knowing they were in for a long night. They assumed their father was awake as well in his office.

They following morning the boys still hadn't gotten to sleep. "I was up late last night thinking and I have decided that despite yesterday's events Alan still needs to go to summer school." Jeff announced.

"We just found out that Alan is addicted to pain killers and you want to ship him off again." John argued.

"Stand down, Johnny. Let Dad explain first." Scott proposed.

"Alan needs consistency right now. I called my cousin David and he is more than happy to have Alan stay with him while Alan finishes his school work. Alan can see a psychiatrist a few times a week and will be drug tested regularly." Jeff elaborated.

"I still think that Alan should stay here. He needs his family right now." John stood to his instinct.

"I agree with Dad. All my research supports the best place for an addict to get clean is outside of the home and away from triggers." Virgil supported.

"Do I get a say in this at all? It is my life last time I checked." A voiced sounded from behind them.

"Of course you get a choice, Sprout." Scott stated.

"Really, because it sounds like everyone's mind is made up." Alan complained.

"We want what is best for you, Alan." Gordon got up and tried to wrap his arm around his brother. Alan moved away before he could.

"You just want to ship me off again. Is that your solution to everything?" Alan screamed at his father.

"That's enough!" Jeff commanded.

"If you send me away I swear it will be the last time you ever see me!" Alan threatened. He couldn't go back there again.

"Don't say things like that, Alan. We love you and we only want to help." Virgil pleaded.

Alan huffed, "You never listen to me!"

Alan walked out and up to his bedroom. "I'll go talk to him." Scott said without waiting for opposing opinions.

Alan ran into his bathroom without hesitation and started punching the mirror repetitively. How had things spiraled so far off course? When was he going to be safe? Imagines flashed through Alan's eyes as he continued throwing items around the room. He could hear Scott yelling through the bedroom door in desperation. Alan collapsed on the floor and cradled his head in his hands as he cried.

"Alan!" Scott called as he forced the door open. His heart broke at the sight in front of him. His little brother was curled up on the floor crying covered in blood.

Scott wasted no time in calling Vigil for help. The rest of the family rushed in behind Virgil. The doctor leaned over Alan and started to examine him. "What can we do?" Jeff inquired.

"Give us some space, Dad." Virgil ordered everyone else from the bathroom and closed the door. He could tell that Alan's hand was scrapped up, but not severe. It was his brother's emotional state that worried him the most. He was having a full blown panic attack.

"I need you to breath for me, Alan, slowly, in and out." Virgil whispered as he rubbed comforting circles on his back. Alan instantly crawled away and became more frantic. Virgil held up his hands in surrender. "It's just you and me Alan." Alan continued to shake violently as his eyes closed. The doctor kept his distance and observed his brother's behavior for a few minutes.

"What happened? Is everything okay?" Scott was surprised to see Virgil leave Alan unattended in the bathroom.

Virgil shook his head. "I couldn't get Alan to calm down so I'm giving him some space."

"Is it the drugs?" Jeff wondered.

"This has nothing to do with drugs, Dad." Virgil was trying to think through what he had seen.

Gordon was getting impatient. "Alan just punched his mirror to smithereens! Looks like drugs to me!" He huffed.

"If this was related to the drugs Alan would have been yelling at Scott for busting open the door." Virgil justified. "Alan wasn't manic or angry, Gordon. He was terrified and completely oblivious to us being in the room."

"What do you mean?" John questioned.

Virgil had only seen one other person display that type of blind terror when they were in a safe place. "It looked like PTSD to me." He stated.

"PTSD? Like what soldiers get in combat?" Gordon sounded confused.

Jeff held up his hand to stop the conversation. "I could understand the PTSD if Alan had come on rescues with us, but he hasn't been in action Virgil. How could Alan have PTSD when he has suffered no trauma?" Jeff interrogated the doctor.

"There was the Hood incident." John remembered.

"Yeah, but he was using before that." Gordon reminded.

"I don't know, but it was pretty obvious that Alan was having an episode. I thought he was having a panic attack at first until I touched him." Virgil elaborated.

"What did he do?" John pondered.

Virgil took a seat on the chair next to his father. "He flipped out, crawled away, and started shaking. All signs that he was reliving some type of traumatic event."

Gordon considered his brothers words. "He freaked out when I tried to take his temperature this morning." He revealed.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Scott asked sternly.

Gordon shrugged, "I thought he was pissed off and high."

"What did he say when you touched him?" Virgil questioned.

Gordon couldn't get the words out of his mind. "He screamed, 'Get your hands off me and you're not allowed to touch me.'" The crimson haired boy repeated.

"Maybe you caught him off guard." Scott reasoned.

"I better go check on him." Virgil got up and left the room.

When he entered the bathroom Alan was still on the ground, but he was sitting up. He seemed overall more composed. "Hey Allie," Virgil knelt down to his brother's level to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Alan nodded slightly, "My hand hurts."

Virgil didn't comment on his brothers actions. If Alan wanted to explain himself he would. The doctor took Alan's hand and started to clean it. There were a few fragments from the mirror, but nothing deep enough to need stitches.

"Do you want something for the pain?" Virgil knew his father would hate the offer.

Surprisingly Alan shook his head in denial. "It looks bad, but I think it's only a sprain." Virgil informed as he finished bandaging his brother's wrist and hand.

Alan looked at the floor and didn't respond. "You should get some sleep." Virgil helped Alan off the floor and guided him into bed. He was careful not to touch him since both Gordon and he had witnessed the phobia first hand. "Let me know if you need some pain killers."

"How is he?" John asked as soon as he saw Virgil come down the stairs.

"He let me clean his hand up. It didn't need stitches." The medic said as he washed his hands in the kitchen sink.

Jeff nodded at his son's diagnosis. "I offered him some pain killers." Virgil admitted.

"You did what?" Scott hollered.

"He said his hand hurt so I offered. He refused them." Virgil was still surprised.

Gordon and Scott shared confused glances. "Why would he refuse the drugs if he was addicted?" Jeff wondered.

Virgil shrugged in response. "Maybe he takes them to forget emotional pain." John hypothesized.

After the long day everyone was exhausted. Thankfully they hadn't gotten any emergency mission during this whole family crisis. Their luck ran out the following morning when the klaxon sounded. Jeff, Scott, Virgil, and Gordon left immediately while John and Brains handled the communication between the thunderbirds and the authorities involved. Brains and Fermat were up on five.

Alan woke up around seven to a throbbing pain in his hand. He removed the bandages to look at the damage he had inflicted. It was sore, but not unbearable.

"How's the hand?" John asked from the doorway.

Alan shrugged, "It felt better before I punched the mirror."

John laughed before taking a seat on the bed next to his brother. "Are you okay?" The astronaut asked worriedly.

Alan folded his legs into his chest defensively. "I'm fine."

John smiled as he brushed his brother's hair roughly. "I love you, Sprout."

Alan accepted the affection openly. "You didn't eat much yesterday. Are you hungry?" John knew that his family was finishing the mission and Alan could come downstairs without judgment.

Alan and John were just finishing breakfast when the boys got back from the mission. "Please tell me you left some for me." Gordon joked as he sat next to Alan.

That was the one thing Alan liked about Gordon. He always acted normal even when things were falling apart. "There's plenty." John added.

"How's the hand?" Gordon blurted. Jeff and Scott tensed at the question.

"It felt fine till you brought it up again." Alan snapped.

Gordon shot Alan an angry glance. "Sorry for caring." Gordon argued.

Alan shot out of his seat in frustration. "Don't even pretend like you care about me?" He snarled as he fled the room.

"Nice going little brother." John stated sarcastically. "He was perfectly fine till you egged him on."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 4**

Scott darted up the stairs after Alan. He needed to get to the bottom of this mess before anyone else got hurt. Alan must have known Scott was following, because he attempted to slam the door in his face. Luckily Scott was faster. Jeff had disabled Alan's door lock after they discovered the pills.

"I don't want to talk to you." Alan stated bluntly as Scott entered the room.

"Well that's tough, because I'm not leaving." Scott could always handle Alan's temper even if he wasn't a huge fan.

Alan sat down on the bed and tried his best to ignore his brother. Scott was over being mad at Alan for his actions. The only thing Scott could muster was concern. "What happened, Sprout? Tell me what's going through that insanely stubborn head of yours."

Alan still ignored his brother. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. "Are you having trouble in school?" Scott guessed. "No, that can't be it. You got A's and B's other than history."

"Are you having a rough time with your friends?" Scott was drawing at straws.

The younger boy shook his head. He didn't have friends anymore thanks to the resident history professor. "Talk to me, Alan. Tell me why you're doing this to yourself. I know you better than anyone." Scott had practically raised Alan after their mother had passed away. "This is about more than boarding school." Scott glanced at his brother's gashed hand. It had to be causing him pain.

"I've already said everything I need to say." Alan answered tonelessly. If they really wanted to know they should have listened to him before. How many times had Alan begged them not to send him back? They always ignored him.

Scott was glad he got a response for once. "You haven't said anything, Sprout." Scott reasoned.

"I don't want to talk. Please leave." Alan pleaded.

Scott raised his eyebrows at Alan's determination. Alan had always been stubborn and secretive even as a child. He placed a hand on his arm in an attempt to connect. Alan jerked away and moved to the other side of the bed. "Don't touch me!" Alan screamed.

Gordon and Virgil had both witnessed the same reaction previously. When did Alan develop this phobia of being touched and why had he never noticed before? Gordon though it was out of anger, but the fear in Alan's eyes spoke to the root of the problem.

"Has someone been hurting you at school?" Scott's heart was beating a mile a minute.

Alan's eyes snapped away to ignore the question. Scott knelt down on his knees in front of his brother. "Who is hurting you Alan?" He rephrased specifically. Virgil and John had been beating around the problem too long for his liking. Alan obviously wasn't going to open up unless he was forced.

Alan still refused to look at Scott. The older boy could see the tears swelling in his brother's eyes. "Please go away. I can't talk about this." Alan whispered.

Scott hesitated at his brother's voice. It was broken and tormented. Much like when he was crying on the bathroom floor yesterday. "Was it another boy? Is there a kid messing with you?" He tried.

Alan shook his head again. What if Scott got mad at him like Dr. Lancaster? "Was it an adult?" His mind instantly snapped back to the professor slapping his face in anger.

"Stop," Alan muttered as he closed his eyes.

The older boy hesitated at the reaction. He was getting somewhere. "Was it a professor?" Scott repeated firmly.

Alan didn't answer, but tears running down his cheeks were an answer in itself. Scott got up from the floor without thinking and made a beeline for the door. Someone was hurting his little brother. An adult was hurting Alan. Everything flipped on like a switch.

Alan's hand stopped him in his tracks. "You can't tell anyone." The younger boy stated.

"If someone is hurting you, then I have to tell Dad." Scott argued calmly.

"Please don't say anything to Dad it will only make things worse." Alan begged.

Scott was at a loss for words. He knew he couldn't let Alan go back to school. "If we don't tell Dad he will send you back to school again." Scott attempted to reason.

"I can't have Dad look at me that way." Alan cried.

"Look at you what way Sprout?" Scott was confused.

"I don't want him to look at me like you're looking at me now, like I'm broken beyond repair." Alan babbled.

Scott felt all of his resentment melt away. "I'm sorry, Allie. I'm just worried about you." Scott reached out to hug Alan. This time Alan allowed the embrace for a few seconds before pulling away. He knew his brother needed to hold him.

"He didn't touch you in that way, did he?" Scott inquired remembering Virgil's reference to PTSD.

Alan backed away from Scott and sat down on the bed. "Please don't make me go through it again." The boy sobbed.

Scott sat down on the bed next to him, but refrained from touching him. He could tell how wounded Alan was by the discussion. He had been suffering in silence for a long time. Alan immediately started gagging and ran to the bathroom. Scott followed close behind and sat with him while he emptied his stomach into the toilet. The older brother rubbed his brother's back as he finished vomiting. Scott was going to kill whoever did this to his baby brother. He didn't care if he had to storm the school and question ever single professor. This monster wasn't going to be allowed to walk free while his brother was suffering.

After the breakdown Alan had fallen asleep. Scott lifted Alan up and carried him to his bed. An adult had molested his little brother. An adult that was supposed to be protecting his brother had hurt him in the worse way imaginable. When Scott was certain that Alan was asleep he brushed the hair from his forehead and placed a kiss on his temple. Before he left the room he pulled the blankets over his little brother. "Goodnight, Allie."

"Is everything okay? You were up there awhile." Jeff asked.

The others were still gathered in the living room. "It's the furthest thing from okay." Scott admitted.

Scott told the others of his conversation with Alan and its revelations. "How long has it been going on?" Jeff wondered.

"I didn't ask and he didn't say, long enough for him to flinch every time sometime someone touches him." Scott informed.

"And you didn't think to ask?" Gordon accused.

"Of course I did. Do you think I liked learning that my little brother was hurt that way? Alan could hardly look at me. He was so scared of me he vomited. I couldn't force him to go through it all again." Scott confessed.

"Unfortunately, Alan needs to Scott. It may be the only way he can move on from it." Virgil suggested.

"Did you at least get a name?" Jeff hoped that he had.

Scott shook his head. "I think it's a professor at Wharton's, but I can't say for sure."

"Alan failed history. If someone was hurting you and using your grade as leverage wouldn't you keep your mouth shut?" Gordon guessed.

"We can't just throw accusations around boys. The only way we're going to get to the bottom of what happened is through Alan." Jeff resolved.

Alan woke up the next morning feeling better than he had in the past week. Alan couldn't believe he had told Scott. It was finally over. Alan had refused Professor Lancaster and he had failed him. Alan was free at last and now it was going to be dug up again. Alan knew his father wasn't going to stop until he found out the truth.

There was a knock on his door causing him to jump. "Alan, are you awake?" Jeff asked before entering the room.

"Stop looking at me like that." Alan looked away instantly.

"We need to talk." Jeff said sternly.

Alan avoided his gaze. "I can't do this Dad." He started to move towards the door. The youngest wanted to be anywhere, but alone with his father.

Jeff blocked his way easy enough. "I'm not asking you to do anything, Alan. I just want to talk." He reasoned.

"I don't want to talk about what happened." Alan stated firmly.

"We need to talk about it son." Jeff wasn't going to let Alan go without the truth.

Alan sat down on the bed in defeat. He buried his face in his hands. "Scott already told you everything."

"You didn't tell him everything." Scott had told them as much.

"There's nothing more to say." Alan lied.

Jeff could see that Alan was hiding and had been hiding for a long time. "You were molested, Alan. It wasn't your fault." Jeff was trying to understand what was going on in Alan's head.

Alan shot up instantly. "You think I don't know that." He let his anger get the best of him. "I'm the one who has to live with what happened. Not you. So you can spare me the lecture."

Jeff took a deep breath before speaking. "I wasn't going to lecture you."

"That's all you ever do is lecture me." Alan shouted.

Jeff held up his hands to calm Alan down. "You're right, but I'm ready to listen now." He promised.

"I wanted to tell you, but I was scared." Alan confessed.

"You were scared that the man would hurt you more." Jeff added.

Alan shook his head. "That didn't even cross my mind."

"Then what were you scared of?" Jeff was confused.

"I didn't think you would believe me and I knew you wouldn't let it go." Alan's voice shook at the confession.

"That man hurt you Alan. You honestly believed I would to leave things as they are, not file criminal charges?" Jeff grew more concerned.

"I need to forget about it." Alan admitted. "I was afraid if you found out you wouldn't let me move on."

"What are you talking about?" Jeff questioned.

"Charges would be filed against him. You wouldn't have stopped. I would have been called to testify." Alan babbled.

Jeff placed his hands on Alan shoulders. "I would have listened to you. I want to get you the help you need." Jeff insisted.

"Then don't make me do this anymore." Alan pleaded. "I just want to forget."

Jeff felt like he was seeing Alan for the first time. Alan would rather forget what happened than face his fears head on. He had learned a long time ago not to trust anyone. Alan didn't trust Jeff with his safety. If he did than he would have come to them.

"If this man hurt you, then he could be hurting others." Jeff explained. "I have to report it."

Alan looked betrayed. "Please don't."

"What if he hurts someone else?" Jeff inquired.

Alan lost control. "What about me?" He started throwing things out of anger. "It's always about someone else with you. We have to do the right thing. Tracy's always do the right thing. Be a hero. Make good choices. For once, can't I just be enough?"

Jeff ran his hand over his face at the outburst. He couldn't seem to find the words. It was obvious that Jeff and Alan were not going to see eye to eye on the situation. Alan didn't want Jeff's help. In Alan's eyes he was untrustworthy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 5**

Scott ran in and wrapped Alan in a tight embrace to calm him. Scott pulled his little brother into his chest. Alan tried to fight him at first, but eventually collapsed into his brother's shoulder. "It's okay, Allie." Scott whispered.

Virgil gave his father a stern glance and followed him out of the room. "What happened in there?" He demanded.

"Alan doesn't want me to report what happened." Jeff sighed.

"You can't force him, Dad." Virgil insisted.

Jeff looked at his third oldest. "What type of a father doesn't know his own son?"

"Alan has been hiding this part of his life for a reason. He's scared, Dad." Virgil elaborated.

"What am I supposed to do?" Jeff was at a loss for words.

"Give him some space. He's been living with this burden for a long time." Virgil explained. "Remember that this has nothing to do with us. This is about Alan."

Scott continued to rock Alan and whisper comforting words. He had grown up dealing with Alan's temper and knew how to calm him. Scott wanted to take his brother's hurt away. He wanted go back in time and force Alan to come home. He wanted to save Alan from this pain.

"Are you okay?" Scott asked as he brushed Alan's hair from his face.

Alan nodded, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for everything, Sprout." Scott rubbed his hair.

Alan rolled his eyes. "Don't call me that."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Scott chimed.

"Dad doesn't understand what it's like." Alan started. Scott listened intently knowing that his brother needed to vent. "I just want to forget. But Dad wants to dig it all back up again. He's there for the entire world, but not me."

Scott knew that Alan had felt this way for a while. International Rescue had taken its toll on Alan. It had forced Alan into solitude and a place of helplessness. Scott now saw that the one person that they started IR for was probably the only real victim of the operation.

"Aren't you scared that this man could hurt you again?" Scott reasoned.

Alan shook his head. "What more could he possibly do?" He mumbled.

Scott didn't know how to respond. Alan had already accepted that he was alone. Scott and Alan stayed up talking until Alan had drifted off into sleep. The older brother went downstairs after he tucked Alan in for the night.

"How is he?" John asked.

"He just fell asleep." Scott informed.

"I called the police to file a report. They are going to investigate, but can't do much without a statement from Alan." Jeff pressed.

"He's not going to cooperate." Scott stated. "Alan is extremely tight lipped about what happened."

"We can't just let it go, Scott. This man hurt our brother." Gordon reminded.

"Forcing Alan into a corner isn't going to help anyone." Virgil hesitated.

"Maybe we should wait until Alan comes to us." John suggested. "He may be more open to talk if it's his idea."

Jeff and the boys decided to give Alan some time to open up. It was hard enough to accept the reality that Alan was using drugs, but earth shattering to discover why he had started. Even though they were all curious and concerned they kept their mouths closed in hopes that Alan would come to them.

Jeff was in his office finishing up some work when Alan walked in. It had been almost two weeks ago since Alan and Jeff had their fight that brought this mess to the surface. "I don't know where to start." Alan said shakily.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Jeff offered. It was obvious that Alan was nervous. Jeff knew he needed to remain calm for Alan's sake.

Alan clasped his hands together and looked at the floor as he took a seat on the couch. "It started when I was thirteen." He whispered.

Jeff did his best to maintain his composure. He had been imagining what this talk would be like when it came. "That's when you started at Wharton's." He added.

"At first I thought I was reading too much into things. It was just brushes and advances then. But then things changed. I wanted to say something. I knew it was wrong." Alan fumbled.

"What changed your mind?" Jeff wondered.

"He told me he would get me kicked out of school." Alan confessed. "He said I was bad and that I deserved to be punished."

Jeff saw the tears roll down his son's face at the memories. "I had just gotten kicked out of my last school and I knew you would take his word over mine." Alan cried. "This year it got worse. I dropped all my friends and track. It consumed my life. I started using every day so I could deal with it. He kept telling me I was special and that I was nothing without him. If I made him mad he would hit me." Alan let the tears fall freely. "I couldn't tell you the truth. It would be my word against his."

Jeff knelt on the floor in front of his son. He wanted to hug him, but knew how sensitive this was for Alan. "I love you, Alan."

Alan met his eyes momentarily. "Please don't make me go to summer school with him." Alan begged.

Jeff nodded, "He's never going to touch you again."

Alan collapsed into his father's shoulder at the release. Jeff held him as close as Alan would allow. Three years Alan had suffered at the hands of this monster. He had been manipulated and controlled until he broke and didn't trust himself or his family. This man had taken away Alan's childhood.

Alan could feel the bile rising up in his throat. He had vomited the night he had confided in Scott too. After Alan calmed down Jeff and he talked more. Jeff's mind was spinning with questions. Some questions he knew Alan wasn't ready for. Alan fell asleep after a while and Jeff laid him on the couch in the living room. Jeff wanted Virgil to examine Alan while he was asleep. The youngest looked pale and had vomited up everything in his stomach until he was dry heaving.

"Is he okay?" Scott asked as he paced the floor.

"He's a little dehydrated, but seems fine otherwise." The medic explained.

"What did he tell you?" Gordon needed to know what happened.

"Everything," Jeff admitted.

"We deserve to know what Alan went through, Dad." John needed to understand what happened to his brother. Jeff and the boys gathered in his office after Alan had settled.

"It started when Alan was thirteen." Jeff started in the same place Alan did.

Scott stopped pacing and Gordon clinched his fists. "That was when he started at Wharton's right?" John inquired.

Jeff nodded, "He said it was just brushes and suggestions at first. Then the professor started blackmailing him into doing more."

"He threatened to fail him?" Virgil asked knowing Gordon had come to the same conclusion about the history grade.

"He threatened to have Alan and his friends expelled." Jeff revealed.

Scott ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Is that why Alan changed housing mid-year?"

Jeff sighed, "Alan's friend had figured out what was going on. The professor got mad and forced Alan to change rooms."

"Why didn't this friend come forward then?" Gordon argued.

"He's Alan's drug source." Jeff confided. "The professor's word would trump his word."

"That's so wrong." John muttered.

"What else?" Scott needed to know what that monster had done with their brother. He couldn't help Alan until he knew.

"The professor told Alan he was bad and deserved to be punished. He told Alan was nothing without him and that we didn't care about him enough to believe him." Jeff repeated Alan's words.

"All those times Alan tried to get us to home school him." John connected the dots. "It had nothing to do with wanting to be a thunderbird, did it?"

Jeff shook his head in guilt. "He begged me not to send him to summer school."

"We didn't know, Dad." Virgil comforted.

"That's the problem!" Jeff raised his voice. "We should have known."

Scott agreed with his father a hundred percent. He should have known something was wrong with Alan when he went to visit. He should have seen the signs and taken him home. "He was stuck with that monster for three years and I never lifted a finger to help him. All I did was lecture and ground him." Jeff ranted.

"Did he give you a name?" Virgil wondered.

"I assume its Alan's history professor." Jeff stated.

Jeff had made a few calls after his sons left to cool down. The police had picked the professor up for questioning, but could not keep him long without evidence. John offered to stay with Alan while he slept. Scott went for a run, Virgil was in the studio painting, and Gordon was doing laps in the pool. They all had their own forms of therapy to deal with the situation.

It was a few hours later when Alan started to wake up. "Do you want something to eat?" John asked as he brushed Alan's hair.

Alan jumped up and pushed John away. "It's okay, Sprout." John held up his hands to show he meant no harm.

"Where's Dad?" Alan inquired rubbing his eyes.

"He's finishing up some work in his office." John responded.

"You're awake." Gordon shouted as he fell onto the couch on top of Alan.

Alan jumped a little at the sudden action. "Get off me!" Alan moaned.

"What? I can't hear you. Speak up, Sprout." Gordon teased.

John rolled his eyes as Scott and Virgil rushed in at the sound of Alan's voice. They stopped to analyze the situation before interfering. "I'm going to puke if you keep bouncing" Alan threatened.

"What could you possibly puke up? You haven't eaten in days." Gordon laughed.

"You need to go on a diet." Alan shot back.

Gordon threw his hand to his chest dramatically. "That really hurt my feelings Alan." He blubbered.

Alan rolled his eyes. "I wasn't aware fish had feelings. I thought you all had three second memories." He jabbed.

Gordon smiled, "That's it little brother." Gordon started tickling Alan relentlessly.

Virgil and Scott were going to stop Gordon, but Alan seemed to be playing along. Suddenly Alan started gagging and covered his mouth. "Gordon, move!" Virgil ordered as he helped Alan up.

"I didn't think he was serious." Gordon joked.

Scott and John shot Gordon an annoyed glance. "I think Alan was right about the three second memory." Scott agreed and John nodded.

"You're going to pay for that, Scooter, in the pool now." Gordon challenged.

Scott and Gordon had always been competitive. It was a Tracy trait. John groaned as he picked up a book and started reading. This argument was going to take a while.

Virgil watched as Alan vomited. He could understand Alan vomiting after talking to Scott and their father about the abuse he had suffered. What he couldn't understand was why he would vomit now? Gordon and Alan seemed comfortable enough. Alan didn't seem anxious or scared.

"Are you okay?" Virgil asked when he saw Alan get up.

Alan nodded, "I'm fine. You can go."

Virgil smirked at the suggestion. "I'm not going anywhere, Sprout. This is the second time you've vomited today."

"Please don't freak out about this." Alan knew his older brother all too well. Virgil wasn't going to leave him alone.

"Do you vomit every time someone touches you?" Virgil needed to know what he was dealing with.

Alan placed his hands on the countertop by the sink. "It depends." He admitted.

"What about your friends?" Virgil wanted to get as much information out of Alan as he could.

Alan hung his head. "I pushed them away a long time ago." The boy avoided his gaze.

Virgil tensed at the pain in his brother's voice. Alan had put up a barrier. He had shut everyone out and thrown away the key a long time ago. "Gordon and you seemed so comfortable. You were laughing and joking around." Virgil didn't understand why Alan would feel dirty or disgusted by Gordon's actions.

"I get flashes sometimes. One minute I'm joking around with Gordon and the next minute… I'm with him." Alan's expression changed immediately and he started to feel the bile rise up again.

Virgil left him alone knowing he needed some space to calm down. "How's the sprout?" John asked as he looked up from his book.

"He's still vomiting." Virgil sat down next to his older brother.

"It was Gordon wasn't it?" John inquired.

Virgil sighed, "He gets flashbacks whenever someone touches him."

"I wouldn't have done it if I knew." Gordon's voice was lined with guilt.

Virgil shook his head. "Alan doesn't blame you. He was having fun." He reassured.

"So we're just going to walk on egg shells around him forever?" Scott was not okay with this option.

"I think we need to sit down and talk about what his limits are." Virgil offered.

Alan was interrupted from his thought process by a knock on the door. "Can I come in?" Scott asked.

"Yeah," Alan responded.

"We're about to start a game of volleyball. Want to join?" Scott wondered.

Alan hesitated, "Won't there be an uneven number?"

The older man shrugged, "We'll make John referee. He's got his nose stuck in a book anyway."

"I think I'm going to sit this one out." Alan passed.

Scott noticed that Alan was extremely pale and weak. "You okay?" The smother hen had finally emerged.

"This is my fault." Alan whispered. "You guys should be focused on missions, not worrying about me."

"Don't do this to yourself Alan." Scott comforted. "We've talked about this. None of this is your fault."

"Then why do I feel so ashamed? It's like I've let Dad down. I'm a disappointment. Dad is never going to look at me the same." Alan insisted.

"I don't want to hear you say that ever again." Scott was firm and serious. He never wanted to hear his baby brother put himself down. It broke his heart. "That is what that bastard wants you to believe so he can use you. It is the furthest thing from the truth. We couldn't be more proud of you. You are stronger than all of us combined. We love you, Allie."

"Don't call me that." Alan mumbled.

Scott smirked, "Never going to happen, Sprout."

"Come on!" Alan complained.

"Do you think you could eat something?" Scott remembered what Virgil said about the dehydration. Alan had thrown up three times today and had nothing to eat since the morning before.

"I'm not hungry." Alan had no appetite anymore.

"You need to eat something Alan. I know you don't feel good, but please try for me." Scott begged.

If there was a brother that could convince Alan of anything it was Scott. Alan wanted nothing more than his brother's approval. Scott was his hero. The older brother knew that the heightened focus on Alan was making him sick. Gordon was right in his approach to Alan. The younger boy needed someone that saw Alan without the abuse. The rest would follow eventually.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 6**

Jeff gave Alan a few days to recuperate before approaching him again. Alan was thin enough without the chain vomiting and stress. They had gotten called on a few missions in between, but nothing too drastic or time consuming. When Jeff found Alan he was sitting at the piano with Virgil.

"Can I borrow Alan for a minute, Virgil?" Jeff interrupted.

Virgil gave Alan a reassuring smile. Alan followed his father into his office. "I didn't do anything wrong, did I?" Alan asked nervously.

Jeff grimaced at his son's fear. All Jeff had to do was talk to Alan to make him uncertain. "You're not in trouble son." Jeff reassured.

Jeff gestured for Alan to take a seat on the couch by his desk. "I called you in here, because I wanted to know how you were feeling." The father admitted. Jeff had been keeping an eye on Alan over the week. He had seemed to make a complete one eighty. But Jeff knew that Alan was great at hiding his pain. Alan had covered up the abuse for three years without suspicion at school or home.

"I'm fine." Alan lied.

Jeff knew Alan had been opening up to his brothers about the abuse. The father had heard enough details second hand to know that Alan couldn't be fine. "Have you given any thought to what you want to do about school?" Jeff wanted Alan to make the decision.

Alan looked at the floor. "I want to go back to Wharton's." He whispered.

Jeff was surprised by his son's choice. "I can't send you back there Alan. Not when there's a chance he could come back." Jeff refused.

"We already have a restraining order against him. With my testimony we can press charges." Alan stated bravely.

"Even if he is locked up the memories will always be there son. Wouldn't you prefer a fresh start?" Jeff offered trying to understand his son's reasoning.

"I only have one more year left before I graduate. I want to finish at Wharton's. I want my friends back." Alan said seriously.

"You don't have to be so brave all the time Alan." Jeff insisted.

"This has nothing to do with him." Alan forced. "I want this Dad."

Jeff wanted to argue, but could see Alan's determination. "If I send you back we're going to need to talk rules." He compromised.

Alan nodded in agreement. "I know."

"Your brothers are not going to like this at all." Jeff didn't like it either. He wanted Alan to stay home where he was loved and safe.

The following week Jeff had called his four older sons into the office. He had been waiting to tell them about Alan's decision. It was going to be hard on everyone to let Alan walk back into Wharton's. The boys had become particularly close since this mess had begun.

"Is Alan okay? " Scott's mind jumped to the worst scenario.

"Your brother is as good as he can be considering." Jeff comforted.

"Then what's with the intervention feel?" Gordon hated serious conversations.

"Your brother and I have been discussing his education and where we want to go from here." Jeff explained.

"Home schooling," Scott demanded. "It's the only safe option."

Gordon nodded in agreement with his older brother. "Alan doesn't want to be home schooled." Jeff informed.

Virgil's jaw dropped in shock. "What does he want then?" John spoke up.

"Alan wants to complete his final year at Wharton's." Jeff revealed.

Jeff was not surprised at all by the chaos that unfolded. "Like hell," Gordon argued.

"You can't seriously be considering this, Dad." Virgil agreed with Gordon's abrupt reaction.

"Why are we even talking about this?" John was angry as well.

Jeff waited for the room to calm down before speaking again. "This is what Alan wants." He reminded.

"Screw what Alan wants." Scott blurted. "He's sixteen."

Jeff held up his hand to stop Scott. "Last time I didn't listen to your brother we almost lost him forever. Now we've managed to get him back. I can't take this decision out of his hands again." He reasoned.

John ran a hand through his hair before speaking. "We understand that Dad. We want Alan to be happy too. But he's not safe there. I would think that would trump any decision we make." John elaborated.

"We have a restraining order against Dr. Lancaster." Jeff wasn't going to send Alan back without protection.

Scott snorted, "Yeah that will teach him. What's Alan going to do when he shows up? Wave the paper in his face?"

"Scott has a point." Virgil admitted. "I don't think a restraining order is going to stop this guy from getting to Alan. He spent three years torturing and obsessing over Alan. I mean he failed him so we would send him back to summer school. Do you honestly think a paper is going to make a difference?" The doctor continued.

"I told Alan if he returned there would be some serious ground rules." Jeff promised.

"We don't need any ground rules." Scott insisted. "He's staying here."

Jeff took a deep breath. "If you can convince your brother to be home schooled then I'm all for it. But until then we need to talk about safety." Jeff knew Scott wouldn't let the matter drop.

"I think he needs to see a doctor." Vigil suggested. "He needs to be examined. I'll try to get it done before he goes back, but I don't think Alan will feel comfortable with me."

"He should talk with a counselor too. Join some type of support group." John had gone to therapy after the incident with the hood. It had made him feel better.

"We should set up a calling and a visiting schedule." Scott offered. "I don't like the idea of us leaving him there without being actively involved in his life."

"What about the rooming situation? He was forced to move rooms last year." Gordon remembered.

Jeff had already discussed the rooming concerns with Alan. The youngest had insisted on moving back in with his old roommate Wesley. "He will be rooming with his former roommate."

"Is that a good idea?" Gordon paused. "Didn't you say that he was a drug dealer?"

"Alan has agreed to take routine drug tests." Jeff resolved.

"Yeah, but he's still going to be around it." Virgil pressed.

Jeff rubbed his hands over his face. "Your brother feels safe with Wesley. He knew about the abuse and was willing to get expelled for your brother. As long as your brother remains clean I am willing to compromise."

The older boys still weren't happy about the outcome of the meeting. They understood why Jeff was taking Alan's decision to heart. However, they all feared that it was a mistake. None of them could live with themselves if Alan got hurt again.

Alan was finishing up some school work when John came into his room. "What are you working on?" John asked curiously. It was the middle of summer.

"I failed history remember." Alan said under his breath.

"You don't have to do it all alone, Allie." John worried that Alan working on history could trigger memories.

"Do you honestly think we worked on history?" Alan said sarcastically.

John hesitated, "Dad would understand if you needed some time."

"I don't need time." Alan pushed. "I'm fine."

John closed his eyes at his brother's stubbornness. "You and I both know you are far from fine." The older boy stated.

Alan's eyes immediately darted away. "I may not be fine, but I'm better than I was." The blonde reasoned.

John let out a long breath. "Why are you going back there, Sprout?" Scott and Gordon were still strategizing a way to keep Alan home.

"It's my senior year." Alan quipped.

"That's crap, Alan. I know better. You have been begging Dad for home schooling ever since you were sent away. What changed?" John knew he was being blunt, but felt the younger boy needed to explain.

Alan started to fidget with his hands. "If I don't go back he wins."

John stared at his brother intently. "This isn't a game, Allie."

"Isn't it?" Alan huffed. "This is the way it has always been for me, a battle between him and me. If I don't take a stand now I will regret it for the rest of my life."

"You can press charges without going back to Wharton's." John suggested.

Alan shook his head. "I have to do this Johnny. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's something I need to do."

John let the room not long after the conversation had ended. He decided to go into his room and think before talking to his brothers. This was going to take time alone.

Alan was sitting on the beach looking out at the waves when he heard footsteps approaching. "I thought I'd find you here." Gordon sat down next to him. He was wearing his swim trunks and an over shirt.

"It's not much of a hideout anymore." Alan used to come here all the time to get away from his brothers. But now everyone knew where he was at all times. Their father had insisted that Alan wear his watch twenty four seven.

"Are you okay?" Gordon inquired.

Alan grunted, "I haven't been okay for a long time."

Gordon looked concerned by his brother's statement. "Please don't go back to that school." He requested. "The idea of you leaving is a nightmare."

"The school had nothing to do with what happened." Alan emphasized.

"Didn't it? I mean who knows how many others this guy hurt." Gordon focused.

"He didn't hurt anyone, but me." Alan clarified.

"How could you possibly know that?" Gordon argued.

Alan stiffened at the turnaround their conversation had made. He was most likely going to throw up again. "He was spending too much time with me. There is no possible way he could have been hurting anyone else." He spat.

"Aren't you worried he'll come after you?" Gordon wanted to know what his brother was thinking. Why would he willing go back to that place?

"I'm more worried about what the other students are going to say." Alan confessed.

"Why don't you just stay home, Sprout? We all want you to stay." Gordon begged.

Alan shook his head in denial. "You guys can't put me in a box, Gordon."

The older boy's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"You can't protect me from him." Alan shouted. "You all act like I need protecting, but you don't realize the damage is already done."

"We know we failed you, Sprout." Gordon confided. "But it doesn't change the fact that he's still out there."

"I don't care." Alan stated. "Don't you see I'm tired? At this point it doesn't really matter what happens. I'd prefer him come after me than hurt someone else."

Gordon placed his hands on his brother's shoulders and forced him to meet his gaze. "You don't mean that, Allie." He raised his voice. "You are my only little brother and I'm not going to give up on you. So you better not give up on yourself."

Alan tensed as Gordon pulled him into his chest. Usually his brothers were much more appreciative of his personal space. But Alan knew he had crossed a line with Gordon. He had spoken his mind and scared his brother.

"Promise me you'll consider home schooling." Gordon asked before leaving the beach.

Alan had promised, but knew his mind was already decided. He was going back to Wharton's. He was going to face his fears. He was going to break free of the life he had fallen into the past three years.

Virgil had been doing extensive research on emotional and physical abuse in molestation victims. He had never been in this type of situation before. He knew he needed to give Alan a physical before he went back to Wharton's, but feared that he may trigger some memories. After his research he felt safer with some strategies to approach the situation.

"Hey Sprout." Virgil greeted as he walked out onto the villa.

Alan was sitting on one of the chair watching Gordon do his morning laps. "Do you mind if I do a quick physical?" Virgil wasn't sure how Alan was going to react to the proposition, but the boy followed the doctor into the infirmary.

He started with the routine things like taking the pulse and blood pressure, listen to the heart and lungs, and taking the height and weight. "Has the vomiting stopped?" Virgil asked as he felt Alan's lymph nodes for inflammation.

"I still vomit occasionally." Alan admitted.

"How often would you say?" Virgil acting like he wasn't concerned.

Alan shrugged, "Once or twice, mostly at night."

Virgil hesitated at his brother's words. "Are you having trouble sleeping?" Maybe nightmares were causing Alan to vomit.

Alan nodded, "Sometimes."

"Any other aches or pains?" Virgil questioned.

Alan shook his head. The doctor could tell he was getting shier.

"I'm going to take a quick blood sample and some x-rays then we'll be done." Virgil got out the syringe. Alan usually didn't have a problem with needles. John on the other hand was a disaster in the infirmary.

"Why do you need the x-rays?" Alan interrogated.

Virgil was startled by the question. "I wanted to make sure the vomiting isn't affecting your nutrition." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth. The older man had read that broken bones are common in abuse victims and often go untreated.

"Oh," Alan accepted the reasoning.

"I'll talk to Dad about getting you some sleep medication. You're underweight and dehydrated. Until then do your best to drink as much fluids as possible and eat three meals a day." Virgil ordered. He would be talking to his father about his findings as well.

After the x-rays were finished Virgil let Alan leave. The boy was growing fidgeting. "How did it go?" Jeff walked into the infirmary after he saw the youngest leave.

"He's underweight and dehydrated, mostly likely due to the nightmares and vomiting." Virgil summarized. "It's his x-rays I'm concerned about."

"How so?" Jeff wondered.

"I don't remember Alan fracturing his left arm or his ribs. Yet, there is damage to both." Virgil assessed.

"What made you take x-rays?" Jeff looked at the doctor.

"I read something from an old college friend of mine. She said victims of abuse tend to have hidden injuries that are left untreated." Virgil explained.

"Are any of the injuries serious?" Jeff asked his son.

Virgil shook his head. "They probably cause him pain when the weather changes, but nothing severe."

"What do you recommend for the vomiting?" Jeff was worried about his youngest. He had been throwing up in the middle of the night and not telling them.

"I'll get him some sleeping pills that will hopefully keep them knocked out through the night. As for the malnutrition he just needs to eat three square meals a day with plenty of fluids." Virgil recanted what he had told Alan. "I really want to put an IV in the kid to get him some fluids, but he seemed too guarded."

Alan was on his way out of the infirmary when he slammed into someone hard. He had almost fallen over when someone grabbed him. Alan's mind flashed back to Dr. Lancaster suddenly, pressing Alan into the wall, touching him, and slapping him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 7**

Alan was on his way out of the infirmary when he slammed into someone hard. He had almost fallen over when someone grabbed him. Alan's mind flashed back to Dr. Lancaster suddenly, pressing Alan into the wall, touching him, and slapping him.

"Alan, are you okay?" Scott shook his little brother in fear.

Alan was snapped back to the present as tears cascaded down his face. Scott was there, not Dr. Lancaster. He took a deep breath to clear his thoughts and regain his control. When he opened his eyes again Scott was still there attempting to drag him out of his flashback. Alan recoiled from Scott and slammed himself into a wall and slide down to the floor.

"Alan!" Scott yelled. "Talk to me!"

"Stop shaking me." Alan cried.

"You scared the hell out of me." Scott scolded as he observed his brother.

Alan wanted to say the same, but was afraid to talk. He could feel the bile rising up in his through again. It had been weeks since the last time he had vomited in front of a family member. Scott recognized Alan's symptoms and got him a trash can as fast as he could. The older boy knelt down in the hallway as his little brother emptied his stomach repetitively. It hurt Scott to see his brother so broken. It was a reminder that no matter how much Alan had improved he was still haunted.

When Alan was finished he wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his jacket. He felt dirty and ashamed. It was like Dr. Lancaster was there with him instead of Scott.

"Do you want me to get Dad?" Scott asked softly.

Alan shook his head as he cried. "Do you want to get Virgil?" Scott was at a loss for what his brother needed. He was breaking down into pieces in front of Scott.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Alan whispered. He hadn't slept with his brother since he was ten. It was always the thunderstorms. Alan needed to feel safe around Scott again. His memory had taunted Scott. He needed to fix it.

Scott nodded, "Of course you can Sprout."

When Alan was finished in the shower he crawled into bed beside Scott. His brother usually didn't go to bed this early. Alan knew Scott was being his usual smother hen self. The older boy told Virgil about the episode in the hallway. Scott had managed to convince Alan to let Virgil give him some fluids for the night. He looked pale and was still shaking from the incident.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Scott offered.

Alan wanted to tell Scott everything, but he was scared. If Scott saw how truly scared Alan was then he wouldn't be allowed to go back to school. Scott would make sure that Alan stayed home. Alan shook as the memory came back to him. Scott must have noticed, because he started whispering calm words into his ear. "It's okay, Sprout. You're safe."

"I thought you were him." Alan muttered.

Scott looked down with concern. "He can't get to you here, Alan." The older brother promised.

Alan nodded, "I know, but it doesn't change what happened."

"You can tell me anything. You know that, right?" Scott hoped that Alan would open up to him. He seemed like he was in a sharing mood.

Alan sat up and pulled his legs into his chest defensively. He was careful not to pull out his IV. The last thing he needed was another visit from Virgil. If he was going to tell his brother about the memory he needed some distance. "Dr. Lancaster had asked me to come to his office after last period. It was a rainy day so track practice was cancelled. As soon as I entered the office I was pushed up against a wall. He was holding me so tight I couldn't move. He thought I had told Wesley. He told me to change rooms or he would get Wesley expelled for the drugs. I tried to convince him that Wesley wouldn't tell, but he hit me." Alan's eyes were filled with tears and he wiped his cheeks with his sleeve. "I don't know why it shook me so much. It wasn't like it was the first time. Afterwards he told me I was special. That's pretty much the way things went."

Scott's temper was growing by the second. It was bad enough that Dr. Lancaster had molested his brother, but hit him too. This guy was sick and Alan had dealt with him alone for three years.

"When I got back I told Wesley what happened. He said he didn't care if he got expelled. But I knew I couldn't deal with Dr. Lancaster without him. Wesley was always there for me." Alan was still shaking and crying uncontrollably.

Scott wanted to hug him, but feared it would scare him. "That's the memory you had when I ran into you." It was more of a question than a statement.

The blonde nodded, but didn't speak. "I'm going to kill him." Scott said angrily.

"Please don't make this about him." Alan pleaded.

Scott reached out and pulled his little brother into his chest as he continued crying. He did his best to make sure the IV wasn't interrupted. They remained that way until Alan drifted off to sleep. Scott stayed up a little while to make sure Alan didn't get nightmares. The poor kid had gone through hell today. Alan had always beaten around the bush when it came to the details of the attacks. Tonight he had given Scott a play by play through Alan's eyes. It was a nightmare come to life.

In the morning Virgil came by to remove Alan's IV and check him over. He was glad that Scott was able to talk Alan into treatment. The kid was vomiting too much. "Is he okay?" Scott asked the doctor.

Virgil ran his fingers through his little brother's hair. "He looks a lot better than last night." He approved.

"Well he got a full night's sleep at least." Scott wrapped his arm around his baby brother.

"When he wakes up make sure he gets something to eat." Virgil advised.

Scott nodded before he directed his attention to the sleeping form next to him. Alan seemed so peaceful when he slept. It was like nothing had changed. The older brother knew it was a fantasy. Alan was far from fine. How could he be after what he had endured?

"Scotty?" Alan questioned. "Are you okay?"

Scott snorted at his brother's question. His little brother was always worried about everyone else, but himself. "I was just thinking how much I am going to miss you, Sprout." He redirected.

Alan rolled over onto his back to make himself more comfortable. "It's not like you're never going to see me again." He reasoned. "I'll be home for Thanksgiving."

"Whoa!" Scott interrupted. "There is no way in hell we are going that long without seeing each other."

Alan rolled his eyes. "I can't come home for weekends, Scott. That's ridiculous." The youngest lectured.

"Do I look like an idiot?" Scott fumed.

Alan shrugged, "Well now that you ask."

Scott nudged Alan and gave him an angry stare signaling the younger boy to shut up. "We will take turns coming to see you." Scott informed.

"You guys can't come up every weekend." Alan argued.

"If it was up to me you wouldn't even be going back." Scott reminded.

Alan closed his eyes for a few seconds. "Please don't fight me on this, Scotty."

Scott measured up his brother before speaking. "I love you so much, Allie."

Alan laid his head on his brother's shoulder. He knew his brother needed him. Scott wrapped his arms around Alan and pulled him closer. "I love you too, commander cranky pants." Scott smiled as he placed a kiss on his brother's head.

When the end of summer started approaching Alan had started packing up his things to head back to school. Jeff had been assured by the headmaster that Alan would be protected. They were increasing the security on campus and around the school grounds to insure the safety of the students.

Alan knew that going back would be difficult. He would miss his brothers like crazy. They had given him a tracking and communication watch to wear at all times. The boys had also set up a daily calling schedule. The brothers would take shifts calling Alan daily to make sure he was okay. Jeff had worked up a visiting schedule that worked around international rescues hectic schedule. They would have to rely on Brains and Fermat to join them on some rescues.

Alan had never felt more content than when he greeted by his best friend. "I missed you Blondie." Wesley cracked.

"I wish I could say the same." Alan joked.

"Where's the Calvary?" Alan had called Wesley over the summer and filled him in. The brunette didn't care as long as Alan was okay.

"They're checking in to their hotel. I told them I needed some space before dinner." Alan explained.

"I think we've had too much space." A voice sounded from the doorway.

Alan jumped at the voice. "Sam?" He choked.

The boy smirked, "I'm sorry I was a wiener."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on." Alan apologized.

"I think I'm about to cry." Wesley jabbed. "Nope it was just the pot I smoked."

Alan and Sam both laughed. They goofed around for a while until Matt arrived to spoil their fun. He was almost as overbearing as Scott.

Around an hour later Alan had gotten a call from Gordon. They were going to pick him up for dinner at the administration building. Jeff, Scott, and Gordon were the ones that came to drop Alan off for the start of school. Wesley, Sam, and Matt walked Alan down to meet up with his family.

"I told you to lay off the weed." Matt slapped Wesley upside the head.

"I must have misheard you." Wesley chimed. "I thought you said I should lie down after smoking weed." Matt didn't look amused.

"You need to have your hearing checked." Sam defended.

"Dude, we are in a public place and you're smoking." Matt snapped.

"It's not like everyone doesn't know." Alan added.

Matt grabbed the joint and threw it in the trash can. "Not cool bro." Wesley stated.

"You need all the brain cells you've got." Matt lectured.

Sam grunted, "What brain cells?"

"My point exactly," Wesley laughed.

Alan and Matt rolled their eyes. "Isn't your dad getting out of prison this week?" Sam remembered.

Wesley hesitated, "It doesn't matter. He'll be back in the following week. He's a lifer."

"Maybe he's changed." Matt was always the optimist.

Alan and Wesley shared knowing looks. "Alan do you think my father will ever change?" Wesley asked.

Alan had met Wesley's father several times during his stay at Wharton's. Mr. Pierce was a nice man, but easily temped. "Who knows he may have found Jesus again." Alan jested.

Wesley broke down laughing. "Yeah that was a favorite."

Alan's family was there a few minutes later. "This is Matt, Sam, and my roommate Wesley." He introduced.

"I'm hurt. You didn't introduce me as your lover." Wesley hugged Alan.

"You are so embarrassing." Matt jumped in.

"Take that back or I will put itching powder in all your clothes." Wesley threatened.

"That was you!" Matt grew angry. "I switched rooms because of that stunt."

"It all worked out for the better." Wesley hid behind Alan. "If it weren't for me Sam wouldn't be in our group."

"You are a terrible human being. I don't know how Alan can put up with you." Matt was dead serious.

"That's it hoops man!" Alan's roommate chased Matt out of the building.

"Do you think we should help?" Sam asked Alan.

Alan shook his head. "Matt will outrun him anyway."

"How do you figure?" Sam inquired.

"Matt runs cross country and Wesley smokes pot. You do the math." Alan enlightened.

"I guess I'm going back to the dorms." Sam excused himself. "I need some therapy if you know what I mean."

Alan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What does he mean?" Gordon spoke up.

"We're better off not knowing." Alan informed. "Sam has some weird habits."

"What kind of weird habits?" Scott's curiosity was heightened.

"Nothing I want to think about ever again." Alan reassured.

Jeff had spent a majority of the day smoothing out the details of Alan's safety with Wharton's security guards. He wanted to make sure there were no mishaps this year. After he was finished he joined Scott, Alan, and Gordon at the administration building before heading to dinner.

Alan really didn't have much of an appetite. He mainly sat there and pushed his food around on his plate. "Do you want to spend the night at the hotel with us? Or are you going to stay in your dorm?" Jeff asked.

"I'll probably stay in my dorm. I need to get some stuff organized." Alan needed some time alone with Wesley.

"Are you sure?" Scott double checked. "It's not a problem."

"I'll be fine." Alan reassured his brother.

"If you're fine then why aren't you eating?" Gordon commented.

"I'm not hungry." Alan left it at that.

"You haven't eaten since breakfast." Gordon pressured.

Jeff agreed with Gordon, but knew Alan was adjusting. They couldn't expect Alan to jump right into being his old self. "Alan, why don't you get your food to go so you can eat later?" He advised.

They dropped Alan off at his dorm after dinner. Scott was going to walk him up, but Alan convinced him he would be fine. The last thing he needed was Scott walking Alan into a pot smelling room. Who knew what Wesley was doing?

The next day Jeff, Scott, Gordon stopped by before going home. Thankfully they agreed to meet Alan at the administration building instead of the dorms. Wesley was still asleep.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jeff asked while he was saying goodbye. "It's okay if you've changed your mind."

Alan had no doubts that he wanted to be at Wharton's. His biggest struggle was saying goodbye to his family. "I'll be fine." Jeff gave Alan a hug and kissed his hair before allowing Gordon and Scott to say their goodbyes.

"I'm going to miss you, Squirt." Gordon ruffled Alan's hair before hugging him.

"Why the hair?" Alan groaned as he tried to fix it.

Gordon chuckled, "I know how much it bugs you."

"You're a comedian." Alan stated sarcastically.

Scott embraced Alan instantly. "Call me anytime. I don't care how insignificant." He reassured. "Be careful, be safe, and never take your watch off. Try to keep a friend with you when you walk around campus. If you get scared or feel uncomfortable call us. The watch has a distress button. We can be here within a day." The smother hen was in full force. "Don't forget to take your medicine before you go to bed and if the vomiting gets worse call Virgil."

"I promise." Alan hugged his brother back.

"Your brothers and I will be taking turns calling you after last period. If your schedule changes let us know, because if you don't call back within an hour we will call campus security." Jeff informed.

"Isn't that a little overbearing?" Alan complained.

Gordon patted Alan on the back. "You were the one that wanted to go back to school."

Alan rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Yeah well when you guys told me there would be rules I didn't imagine I wouldn't be able to have a life."

"It's for your safety son." Jeff reminded.

Alan wasn't thrilled with his family's demands, but he accepted them. There was no way Alan was going to remember to pick up the phone every single day. Half the time he would forget it in his room. But he figured it was worth a shot.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 8**

When the semester started Alan was super busy. In between school work, track, and his family's rules he barely had enough time to sleep. He was a month into the school year when things started getting easier. His was looking forward one of his brother's visits. He had no idea who was coming only that it would be on Friday. Virgil had already come up two weeks ago for a weekend visit.

"I don't know who he thinks he is?" Wesley fumed. He had gotten detention for the third time this semester.

"He's the headmaster you idiot." Matt clarified.

Alan and Sam laughed simultaneously. They were walking to their lockers when Alan saw him. Dr. Lancaster was standing near the fence on the edge of campus staring at him.

"Alan?" Sam noticed that the other boy had frozen. "What's wrong?"

Alan couldn't muster a response. "Matt, get Alan out of here." Wesley ordered.

It didn't take Matt long to pull Alan into his dorm room. Alan was still struggling with what he saw. He knew it wasn't a hallucination, because Wesley had seen him too. Alan laid his head back against the bedpost of Sam's bed.

"I thought you got a restraining order?" Matt huffed.

"We did." Alan justified.

Wesley and Sam came in and locked the door. "Restraining orders are only based on feet. He was technically within the legal limit where he was standing." Wesley informed them.

"How do you know that?" Matt snapped.

"My mom has a restraining order against my dad." Wesley explained.

"We alerted the campus security, but he was already gone." Same notified.

Wesley and Alan waited until the security sweeps were done before they went back to their room. "What are you going to tell your family?" The brunette asked.

Alan shrugged, "I bet the campus police already called my dad."

Wesley smirked, "Well then the hard part should be over."

Like clockwork his computer lit up and started vibrating. "I'm going to go smoke." Alan's roommate excused himself.

Alan hit the accept button after Wesley left the room. "Are you okay?" Jeff's face appeared on the laptop. "The campus security just called me."

"Yeah, I'm fine." Alan responded.

"You should have called us immediately, Alan. You could have used your watch." Jeff scolded.

Alan rolled his eyes in annoyance. "It wouldn't have done any good. He was outside of the fence within his legal limit of the restraining order."

"You still should have called Alan. Do you have any idea what went through my mind when I got that call?" Jeff elaborated.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know they were going to call you." Alan argued.

Jeff seemed upset, but dropped the lecture. "I'm going to ask one your brothers to come get you. They're on a mission, but as soon as it's completed I will send one of them to pick you up." The patriarch stated.

"No, Dad!" Alan rebutted.

Jeff ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "Alan, this is not up for discussion. I am not going to let you stay there while that man is on the loose."

"He was on the outside of the fence." Alan reminded. "Even if he wanted to get to me he couldn't have. Please don't make me leave."

"I will talk to your brothers when they get home. At the very least someone will be coming up on Friday as scheduled. I'll let you know my decision tomorrow." Jeff mused.

Alan nodded, "Thank you."

"I've got to go. John is calling from five. It may be mission related." Jeff explained.

Alan said goodbye before closing his computer. He hoped that his father would let him stay. Alan had just gotten used to his classes and professors. Things had been great up until this afternoon's little incident.

Jeff waited until the boys got home and changed before they broke the news about the day's events. After they were finished with the debriefing Jeff called them to the office. John was attending through conference call. "I got a call from Alan's school today?"

"Is everything okay?" Scott inquired.

"Dr. Lancaster was spotted outside of the campus fence." Jeff enlightened.

Scott got up and started pacing. "Who called it in?" Virgil wondered.

"Alan and his friends were walking to their lockers when they saw him. One of Alan's friends called it in to the campus police." Jeff stated firmly.

"Did they arrest him?" Gordon asked.

"According campus police Dr. Lancaster was within the legal limit of his restraining order." Jeff recanted. "Even if they did find him they couldn't arrest him."

"That's crap!" Scott hollered.

"Wait," John interrupted. "Alan never activated his distress signal."

"Alan said there was nothing we could have done." Jeff repeated his son's words.

Gordon grunted at the sprout's comment. "When are we going to pick him up?" The youngest in the room questioned.

"Alan wants to stay." Jeff hated the words as they came out. He wanted Alan to come home. He wanted Alan to be safe.

"Who cares what Alan wants?" Scott quipped. "He's sixteen, you're the adult. The deal was if Alan's safety was compromised we bring him home."

"I agree with Scott." Virgil added. "Dr. Lancaster is obviously pushing the boundaries of that restraining order. It's only a matter of time before he breaks it."

"I want your brother home as much as you do." Jeff agreed. "But I can't push Alan away again."

"He will get over it." Scott notified. "I'd prefer dragging Alan back angry, then dragging Alan back hurt."

"What concerns me is how Dr. Lancaster even knew where to find Alan." Virgil brought up a good point. "How did he know that Alan was back at Wharton's?"

"Maybe he just assumed." Gordon reasoned.

"Or he's been keeping closer tabs on Alan than we thought." John's body shook at the thought of Dr. Lancaster stocking their brother.

"That's a scary thought." Scott huffed.

The next day Jeff called to tell Alan that he would be coming up on Friday. He still hadn't reached a decision on whether to let Alan stay. Alan had been expecting one of his brothers to come. However, he couldn't say he was shocked to learn that his father was coming instead.

"You look like you're feeling better." Jeff greeted Alan with a hug.

Alan nodded, "It's probably the cafeteria food."

"I highly doubt that." Jeff knew the food was horrible.

Jeff took Alan out to eat and then went back to the hotel. The older Tracy had insisted that Alan stay the night. He wanted all the time he could get with his son. The earlier events of the week had really shaken Jeff. The idea of that monster even looking at Alan was enough to drive him crazy. He needed to know Alan was safe.

"Are you okay?" Alan asked his father. He was finishing up a homework assignment on the hotel bed when he caught his father staring at him. "You look like your trying to burn a whole through my forehead."

"I can't believe I almost lost you." Jeff broke down.

Alan was thrown off guard by the comment. "He couldn't have gotten to me, Dad. I was on the other side of the fence." The youngest comforted.

"It still does make it right." Jeff stated. "Sixteen year olds are supposed to be focused on sports, homework, girls, not constantly looking over their shoulder for the next attack."

"Dad, I'm the happiest I've been in three years. I'm making straight A's. I have my friends back. I'm back on the track team. We haven't fought in months. Please tell me you see the good side of this too." Alan ranted.

Jeff smiled at his son's optimism. Alan was alive and safe. His father should be thrilled. "I need to know you're safe, Alan. It trumps anything else."

"I know, but you're kind of suffocating me." Alan had always liked some time to himself. He loved his brothers, but they could be extremely overbearing.

"Are you sure you want to stay?" Jeff wanted to see the look in his son's eyes.

"I love it here, Dad. I've finally started to put down some roots." Alan told him honestly.

Jeff knew Alan's brothers were going to be angry at him. They expected Alan to be coming back with him. But Jeff couldn't deny Alan what he wanted. He was happy and that's what truly matter to Jeff.

The next month that followed was even more suffocating than the first month. Because of the Dr. Lancaster sighting Jeff and Alan's brothers had been put into overdrive. They called and texted him constantly.

Alan's study session was interrupted by his buzzing computer. "It's really hard to write an essay when people keep calling." He reminded.

"Brothers come before homework." Virgil argued.

"I'm not sure Dad would agree with you." Alan rebutted. "What do you need?"

"Scott told me about the nightmares. Do you need some sleeping pills?" Alan really needed to stop confiding in Scott. The older boy was a smother hen and always tattled on him.

"Do you having anything for annoying brothers?" Alan snapped.

Virgil laughed, "Sure, you could come home."

"You should talk to a shrink about those delusions." Alan jabbed.

"I'll leave you to your homework. Call me if you need me." Virgil said goodbye and disconnected.

Alan decided not to go home for Thanksgiving break. Scott and Gordon came up instead for a short visit. Before Alan knew it, there was only two weeks till the end of the semester. Everything was going great despite his constant tardiness to the track field. Alan was running late to track practice again. Wesley usually walked Alan to practice, but he had detention again. He had just finished changing into his practice clothes when a hand caught him.

"What are you doing here?" Alan couldn't believe he was here again. "You're not supposed to be here."

"I had to see you." Dr. Lancaster reached out and touched Alan's face.

Alan flinched away from his touch. "Don't touch me!" He screamed as he pushed the man away.

Dr. Lancaster smiled, "I'm glad that you picked up track again. I love to watch you run."

Alan was trying to process what to do next. He was all alone in the locker room with no exit strategy. Practice wouldn't be over for another hour and Alan had already put his cell phone in his locker.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Alan needed to buy himself some time.

"I told you Alan." Dr. Lancaster leaned in slowly. "You're very special to me."

Alan felt the bile rise up at the man's expression. It was like one of his nightmares becoming a reality. He directed his eyes to the floor in shame. Then he remembered he had his watch on. Alan was about to hit the signal when Dr. Lancaster forced him up against the lockers. Alan hit his head on the lockers at the violent movement.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time." Dr. Lancaster came in closer as Alan struggled to get his watch activated.

"Tracy!" Alan heard Coach Williams call. Thank goodness for small prayers.

Dr. Lancaster immediately released Alan and ran towards one of the exits. Coach Williams rounded the corner he found Alan he lying on the floor sobbing. He pressed his hand to the back of his hand to find blood. Alan wondered if he should activate his watch now that it's all over. He decided it was probably for the best. His father had been angry at him for not activating it in the previous incident.

Coach Williams helped Alan up and took him to the nurse. The nurse cleaned up his head and checked for signs of a concussion. "I have your brother John on the phone." The nurse told him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 9**

John was helping Jeff, Scott, Virgil, and Gordon finish up a rescue when Alan's distress signal went off. John hesitated before calling his father. He notified the campus security and the local police as a precaution before trying to reach Alan. They were over an hour away and John knew if Alan willing hit the distress signal, then it was bad.

"Thunderbird five to Thunderbird three," John called.

"We read you John." His father's voice came over the intercom. "We are preparing to transport the injured to the local hospital."

"Alan activated his distress signal." John alerted. "I already notified the campus security and the local police department, but I have not been able to reach Alan."

"Keep trying to get though and signal Thunderbird one to turn around." Jeff ordered. Sending Scott was the best option at the moment. He was already on the way back to the island.

"FAB, Dad." John confirmed before calling Scott.

John continued to call Alan and the school until he received a response. He was eventually transferred to the clinic. Waiting for Alan to come to the phone was like waiting for rain in a drought. At least he knew his brother was alive and in safe hands.

"Hey Johnny," Alan greeted unenthusiastically.

"Are you okay? You activated your distress signal. I've been trying to get a hold of you for almost an hour." John babbled.

"My phone is in my gym locker. I didn't have time to get it." Alan explained.

"You could have used your watch. I've been calling you." John reminded.

"I've been surrounded by people since it happened." Alan justified. He couldn't risk exposing his family's secret when he was safe.

John could tell his brother was either in pain or scared. "What happened, Sprout?"

"He found me." Alan's voice cracked with emotion. "I was running late for track practice and he cornered me in the locker room."

John tried to keep his composure for his brother's sake. "Did the police arrest him?" He hoped they had.

"He ran off when he heard the coach coming." Alan took a deep breath. "They're searching the grounds now."

"Are you okay?" John was worried about Alan's impassive composure.

"I hit my head on the lockers during the struggled, but it's nothing serious." Alan informed.

"Scott is about three hours away. Dad, Gordon, and Virgil are finishing up some family business." John warned him. "Do you want me to stay on the phone?"

Alan wanted to say yes, but knew his family was on a mission. "I'll be fine." He lied.

John conference called Thunderbird one and three. He knew that Virgil and Gordon were attending to the injured and didn't want to disturb them.

"Have you heard anything?" Scott demanded.

"I talked to Alan." John spoke calmly. "Professor Lancaster cornered him in the locker room before track practice."

"Is he okay?" Jeff interrogated.

"He hit his head, but the nurse says he's showing no signs of a concussion." John rephrased.

"Did they catch him?" Scott rushed.

John knew his father and brother would not like this piece of news. "They're searching the campus grounds, but he got a good head start." The blonde recapped.

"My ETA is eight thirty. Call Alan and tell him to stay put until I get there. I don't want him walking around campus alone." Scott commanded.

Scott was glad that their father forced them to keep spare civilian clothes on board all the birds for emergencies. The last thing he needed was Wharton's to know about the family business. His father would kill him.

John made arrangements for Scott to land in New York than take a company jet to Wharton's. After Scott landed in Massachusetts he wasted no time in rushing to the administration building. He wanted to go straight to the clinic, but security kept insisting that he sign in. "I'm here to see, Alan Tracy."

Scott handed the woman his driver's license. "Alan's dorm number is 214 in Patterson Hall." The woman at the desk informed him.

Scott rolled his eyes. "I know where is dorm room is located. The nurse called my father. My brother was attacked on campus and is waiting for me in the clinic." He tried to be as nice as possible.

The woman that reminded him of a stuck up librarian called the school clinic. It took forever. Scott was ready to leave and search for himself. How long did it take for this lady to make a call? "The nurse said your brother was escorted to his dorm room an hour ago. A security officer is posted outside his door as a precaution."

Scott ran to the dorm. He had already wasted enough time for his liking. Scott had been told that Alan was okay. But for some reason that didn't comfort Scott. He needed to see his brother to know he was safe. He had several scenarios scrolling through his head since John told their father about the distress signal.

"Scotty?" Alan saw his brother in the doorway.

Alan immediately ran to embrace him. Scott wrapped his arms around his little brother as tight as he could. "I can't breathe." Alan coughed.

"Don't scare me like that again." Scott loosened his hold, but placed his hands on the boy's shoulders. "John couldn't get through to the school, but told us you activated the signal."

"I had to activate it a little late. I left my phone in my gym locker." Alan reasoned.

"How are you doing?" Scott was still flustered.

"I'm a little freaked out. It scared me." Alan took a seat on his bed.

Scott sat down on the bed next to his brother and wrapped his arms around him. "You're safe, Sprout. He can't get to you now." The older brother promised.

Scott was surprised at how worked up Alan had become. It was probably due to shock. Scott's phone buzzed and he knew it was their father calling for an update.

"I'm with him now, Dad." Scott chimed. "No, they didn't find him, but they're still patrolling." Scott paused and handed the phone to Alan. "Dad wants to talk to you."

"Hey Dad," Alan greeted.

"Are you okay?" Jeff could hardly compose himself.

"I'm fine now that Scott's here." Alan felt his brother squeeze his shoulder.

"John said you hit your head." Jeff remembered.

Alan sighed, "I feel fine. It just throbs a little."

"Did they check for a concussion?" Jeff wanted to make sure things were done according to protocol.

"I'm fine." Alan repeated.

"Okay Alan put your brother on the phone." Jeff let no room for argument.

"How is he really?" Jeff needed to know the truth.

Scott put some distance between Alan and him. "He's in shock, but doing well considering what could have happened." The oldest son reported.

"Do you think he would agree to come home?" Jeff hoped Alan would agree. He needed to be with family.

"I'll see what I can do." Scott knew Alan would refuse at first. Luckily Scott was stubborn.

Alan didn't even put up a fight. He wanted to go home for a while. He needed to get some distance between the professor and him. Matt had picked up his assignments for the next few weeks to tide him over until winter break. He had already finished his finals.

Scott and Alan stayed the night in a hotel near campus. Alan decided to take a shower while Scott made some phone calls. The older man knew that Alan needed some space. "How is everything?" John connected.

"Better than I expected. Can you patch me through to the island?" Scott requested.

"I'll sound the klaxon." He quipped.

John was on the other line explaining to the others that there was no emergency. Scott just needed everyone gathered.

"Where's Alan?" Virgil and Gordon hadn't been given the full story. They only knew what John had told them.

"He's in the shower." Scott excused. "We can talk freely."

"Do the police have any leads?" Jeff inquired.

Scott shook his head. "He was long gone by the time it was reported."

"How is Alan?" Gordon wondered.

"I think he's still in shock." Scott revealed. "He seemed overwhelmed."

"Did you talk to him about coming home?" John wanted to know when Scott would be leaving.

"We're heading your way tomorrow morning." Scott hesitated. "He didn't even try to argue."

"What about school?" Jeff whipped. "He's still got two weeks left before the break."

"He's finished with his finals. Alan's friends gathered his assignments. All the professors understood the situation." Scott notified.

"How's his head?" The medic asked.

"It's a pretty nasty gash. He had a really bad headache, but that's it." Scott sighed.

"You both should get some sleep." Jeff suggested. "We'll see you boys tomorrow."

"I will." Scott said as he disconnected.

When Alan emerged from the bathroom Scott was already in bed. It made sense considering he had been flying all day. Alan was careful when he climbed into bed. He didn't want to wake his brother up.

Scott woke up at around five and started getting ready. Alan must have been exhausted. The boy didn't even stir. Scott took his time loading everything into the car before waking up Alan. When he returned there was a folder stuck under the door. He instantly opened the folder to find pictures of Alan. Most were taken at Wharton's. Scott continued to flip through until he reached the last picture. His breathe caught in his throat. It was a picture of Alan sleeping alone in their hotel room. Dr. Lancaster had just been in their hotel room.

Scott opened the door and shook Alan awake. "Wake up, Allie!" He shook his brother.

"Scotty? What's wrong?" Alan asked in confusion.

The older man grabbed his brother and pulled him into his chest. "You're okay." Scott reassured himself.

Alan was startled by his brother's actions. "Why are you looking at me like that?" The blonde wondered.

The older boy didn't respond. Scott was too overwhelmed with relief. Alan was safe. Lancaster hadn't hurt him. That was all that mattered. Scott didn't tell Alan about the pictures. That was the last thing Alan needed to worry about. Scott just wanted to get him on a plane ASAP. He would talk to his father and send the pictures to the police later.

When they landed Scott and Alan were greeted by the rest of the family. Virgil took Alan to the infirmary to redress his head wound. Scott needed to talk to his father about the pictures.

"Where did you get these?" Jeff asked as he flipped through the folder.

"They were stuck under the hotel room door when I got back from loading the car. Alan doesn't know about them." Scott divulged.

"That's probably for the better." Jeff agreed.

"He was alone in the hotel room with him, Dad, while Alan was sound asleep." Scott said shakily. "What I don't understand is why?" Scott questioned. "He could have taken, Alan. Why leave pictures?"

"I'm not going to try to understand this man, Scott." Jeff advised. "He is sick and obviously very disturbed."

"These pictures were taken at Wharton's. He's been following Alan for months and we never knew." Scott pressured. "He can't go back there, Dad."

Jeff agreed with Scott. They had obviously underestimated the former professor's obsession. "I am going to send these to the authorities. You can tell your brothers, but not Alan. He's been through enough. Right now he's home and far away from this monster." Jeff ordered.

Virgil was finishing redressing Alan's head wound when the klaxon sounded. "Duty calls." The doctor stated.

Alan jumped off the table happily. He needed some space from his brothers. His head was still pounding from where he hit it against the lockers. He really needed some aspirin. Alan looked out into the ocean. It was peaceful here. The calming sound of the waves and the ocean breeze help Alan process the events of the previous day. At Wharton's he was so tightly guarded. It was refreshing to get some alone time.

By the time he decided to come back in Jeff, Scott, Virgil, and Gordon were home.

"Hey, Sprout!" Gordon greeted. "I'm glad your back."

Alan nodded, "I can tell."

"Dinner will be ready in ten boys." Tin Tin's mother announced.

Alan's appetite had returned to normal when he went to Wharton's. Alan was now reminded of the reality that had consumed is life. He didn't think he could eat for a few days without vomiting. He kept envisioning Dr. Lancaster holding him. His head had been throbbing painfully for the past hour and his vision kept blurring. It made the situation worse.

"Are you feeling okay?" Gordon studied the boy.

Gordon could tell Alan wasn't feeling well. He was sweating and swaying on his feet. Gordon grabbed his brother in an attempt to steady him.

Alan felt the room get suddenly hot. He felt nauseous and clammy. "I don't feel good." He muttered as his vision started to fog.

Gordon held his brother against him to keep him from toppling over. It was obvious that the head injury was more of a complication than the school burse let on. Gordon called for Virgil through his communication watch.

"What happened?" Virgil ran into the room after he received the frantic call.

"We were just talking. Then he started to sway." Gordon helped Virgil move Alan to the infirmary.

"What's going on?" Jeff demanded as he walked into the infirmary. Scott wasn't far behind.

"Alan passed out." Gordon informed.

Concern painted the faces of Scott and his father. "Could it be from the head trauma?" Jeff questioned Virgil.

Virgil was working steadily performing tests. "His depth perception is off." Virgil commented.

"That can be another symptom of a concussion." Scott was trying to get an answer out of his brother.

"It's probably mild." Virgil diagnosed.

A few seconds later Virgil cracked an ammonia capsule to wake Alan up. He didn't want Alan to stay asleep for too long without knowing his condition. "What is that?" Alan grimaced at the revolting smell.

"Ammonia capsule," Virgil smiled at Alan's alertness.

The doctor ran a few more tests to determine the severity of the concussion. He gave Alan some pain medicine and decided to keep him in the infirmary overnight for observation. Virgil was going to be waking Alan up every thirty minutes. The following morning Virgil let Alan go. He had a peaceful night and the dizzy spells had diminished significantly. Alan had strict orders to stay in bed for the next twenty four hours.

"What's up?" Alan noticed Gordon standing outside his door.

"You scared me to death." Gordon had seen several people pass out. But seeing it happen to Alan first hand was completely different.

"You look alive to me." Alan ignored.

Gordon smirked at his brother's come back. "It's a figure of speech."

"Don't talk about things you don't understand." Alan teased.

"You are lucky I can't give you a noggie." Gordon shot back.

Alan smiled, "Yes I am."

"Virgil didn't say anything about tickling though." Gordon jumped on the bed and started tickling Alan.

Alan started screaming and laughing. "Hey!" Scott hollered. "He's supposed to be resting."

"I'm technically in bed." Alan debated.

Scott didn't look amused. "But you're not resting." He contradicted.

"We were just having some fun, old man." Gordon joked.

"What did you just call me?" Scott asked angrily.

Gordon was about to receive the full wrath of Scott. "You heard me the first time."

Alan watched as Scott dragged Gordon out of the bedroom. He was most likely going to throw him into the pool. Alan's computer buzzed and John's face filled up the screen.

"How's life on Tracy Island?" John inquired.

"Scott and Gordon are about to start a pranking war. Dad's finishing up work. Virgil is being a smother hen. I'm on bed rest. It's pretty boring." Alan listed the day's events.

"Why are you on bed rest?" The other blonde wondered.

Alan really didn't need another smother hen. "I passed out."

"What did Virgil say?" John dug further.

"It's a mild concussion. He kept me in the infirmary overnight." Alan recapped.

John sighed, "Well at least you're in your own room now, right?"

"I miss school." Alan said offhand.

John felt sorry for the kid. Scott told him about the pictures. John knew Alan wouldn't be going back. "I know you do, kid." The astronaut sympathized. "But you weren't safe there."

Alan grunted, "There was two incidents in four months."

"You can't be serious." John grew worried. "That man could have hurt or taken you."

"But he didn't John. It all worked out fine." Alan argued.

"Have you talked to Dad about this, Sprout?" John knew he hadn't.

Alan shook his head. "I haven't had time."

"Is that the Alan way of saying, 'I'm avoiding this conversation'?" John was growing curious.

"Pretty much," Alan confessed.

Virgil popped his head in. "We're going to start a movie. Do you want to join?" He invited.

"Scott already yelled at me once today for not resting." Alan wasn't about to make Scott mad again. He was already on Gordon's case.

"Watching a movie is resting." Virgil enlightened. "Hey Space Man."

"On that note I better sign off. Talk to you later, Squirt." John said goodbye.

Alan followed Virgil down to the living room. Virgil took a seat next to his father on one of the chairs. Alan sat down in between Scott and Gordon. "What are we watching?" Virgil questioned.

"Gordon chose Inception." Scott stated.

They were halfway through the movie when Scott noticed Alan had fallen asleep. Scott brushed his hand through his brother's hair. "He looks so peaceful when he sleeps." Gordon whispered.

"It reminds me of when he was little." Scott agreed. "He could fall asleep anywhere."

"The only exception was thunderstorms. The kid couldn't stand them." Virgil reminded.

"You guys are creepers." Alan mumbled.

Scott and Gordon jumped at his brother's voice. "We thought you were asleep."

"I would be if you all would shut up." Alan grumbled.

Gordon smirked at his brother's sense of humor. Alan was resilient. He had been though something none of them could even imagine and managed to persevere. Alan faced his fears head on. He went back to school and fought through the memories to better himself. Now all they had to do was convince him to stay home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds. **

**CHAPTER 10**

The past three weeks had been filled with plenty of brotherly bonding. Most of it was against Alan's will. They had done pretty much everything the island had to offer. Every day one of his brothers would find a new way to distract him or keep him occupied. He loved spending time with his brothers, but knew he needed to go back to school.

Alan knocked on his father's office door before entering. He needed to start this talk off on a good note. "Enter." He heard his father call.

"Do you have a minute?" Alan was hoping this conversation would go smooth.

Jeff assessed the boy before speaking. "What's on your mind?"

"I want to talk about school." Alan started.

Jeff turned around to face his son. "I thought you had sent in all your completed work." His father remembered. Alan had done better in school since the family had found out about the younger boys situation.

Alan realized this was going to be harder than he originally planned. "I think it's time that we make arrangements for me to go back, don't you?" He acting like he was talking about the weather. Alan knew by agreeing to come back with Scott he opened himself up to the smother hens. It showed his father that maybe Alan's strength had its limits before breaking.

Jeff closed his eyes at the suggestion. He was beginning to wonder if Alan was going to have this talk. John had called a few weeks prior to warn him that Alan missed school and intended on going back. "We haven't made arrangements, because I have no intention of sending you back." The patriarch spoke softly.

"Shouldn't I have a say? It's my life." Alan tried to rein his temper in.

"It's too dangerous, Alan." Jeff had already decided this was not a gray area. "I can't send you to Wharton's Academy knowing that the school cannot handle the situation."

"What about what I want?" Alan yelled.

Jeff took a deep breath. "I know that you want to be at school with your friends. But that's not an option anymore. You're safety has to come first son."

"Why am I the one being punished?" Alan argued.

"This isn't a punishment." Jeff clarified.

"Please, Dad. Give me one more chance. I just want to finish this year." Alan begged.

Jeff looked into his son's eyes. They were identical to Lucy's. How could Jeff send Alan back to a place he was bound to get hurt again? "You're not in trouble. This isn't your fault." The father wanted the youngest to know he wasn't angry.

"Please Dad," Alan pleaded. "At least think about it."

Jeff rubbed his hand over his face. If he sent Alan back he would be playing into Dr. Lancaster's hands. If he forced Alan to stay then he would be unhappy. "I'll let you know in a few days." The older man decided.

Alan strode out of fathers office with a satisfied look on his face. "What did you do?" Gordon recognized the look all too well.

"I just talked to dad about arrangements for school." Alan revealed.

Scott chuckled, "You're being home schooled, Sprout. There is no need for arrangements."

"Dad said he's let me know in a few days." Alan challenged.

Gordon spat out his drink. "He said what?" The crimson haired man gasped.

"I asked him to give it another chance and he said he'd let me know." Alan rephrased.

Scott and Gordon shared a look of concern. "Why do you want to go back there so bad?" Gordon spoke openly.

Alan shrugged, "I like going to Wharton's. All my friends are there."

Scott couldn't believe Alan wanted to go back after he was attacked. If anything Alan should be running in the opposite direction. "That's not going to happen, Squirt." The oldest insisted.

"Aren't you scared?" Virgil inquired. He was beginning to wonder about his brother's sanity. Alan was walking himself into danger.

"I can't live my life in fear of something that might happen." Alan rationalized.

Alan had already made his decision. He wanted to go back to school. He needed to go back to school. In his mind there was no reason to blame Wharton's for Dr. Lancaster's actions.

"What are you thinking giving Alan false hope?" Scott hollered at his father.

Jeff knew the damn would break eventually. It was only a matter of time before the boys discovered Alan's request to return to school. "Alan needs this Scott."

"No, Alan needs to be protected." Scott continued to raise his voice. "Do you honestly think he would want to go back if he knew about the pictures? He thinks he's been safe this entire semester when it's all been a lie."

"We agreed that keeping the pictures from Alan was better for him." Jeff reminded.

"That was before he wanted to serve himself up on a platter. You might as well put up a neon sign saying, 'come take him'." Scott argued. "We need to tell him, Dad."

"What good can come from it?" Jeff rationalized. "Those pictures are going to make your brother sick again."

"At least he would be home." Scott couldn't bear the thought of Alan leaving again. He wished he could go back in time and tell Alan everything.

"This isn't up for discussion, Scott. You brother made his position very clear. If I don't send him back he will think I'm punishing him." Jeff rationalized.

Scott wanted to knock some sense into his father. His fear of losing Alan's trust was controlling his every decision. "You have to take a stand at some point, Dad." He stormed out of his father's office.

The next week Jeff had agreed to bring Alan back to Wharton's. They had agreed that if Dr. Lancaster was spotted on or near campus Alan was going to be pulled from school immediately. Scott and Gordon refused to acknowledge their father's decision. They were pissed and openly made it known everyone in the household. They wanted nothing to do with Alan returning to school. Jeff was forced to take Alan back to Wharton's himself.

After returning to Wharton's Academy life was business as usual. It was March and Alan had been back for nearly three months. He went to classes, attended track practice, talked to one of his brothers, did homework, and then went to bed. Alan felt like his life was getting back to normal. Even though his brothers were upset they kept up with the calling schedule. It wasn't Alan they were angry with.

It was a Wednesday night that everything fell downhill at a rapid pace. Alan had talked to Virgil earlier that afternoon before heading to track. It had been a normal day until he came back to his dorm to find blood on the carpet. It was a lot. There was stuff thrown everywhere. It was obvious a struggle had occurred. It was the only reasonable explanation. His phone suddenly buzzed.

"Hello Alan," A voice stated.

"How did you get this number?" Alan couldn't believe this was happening.

"You don't need to know the specifics." Dr. Lancaster argued.

"Where's Wesley?" Alan demanded. "He has nothing to do with this."

"You were the one that rejected me. This is your fault. Wesley's fate will rest on your shoulders from this point forward." The former professor threatened.

"What do you want?" Alan tried to keep his voice from shaking.

"I thought that was obvious." Dr. Lancaster reasoned. "I want you. Ditch all the tracking devices and meet me at the south wall in an hour. I will know if you try anything stupid." The line disconnected.

Alan kicked the wall beside him. His father was going to kill him. But he couldn't let Wesley suffer, because of his mistakes. If he notified the police his best friend was dead. Alan removed his watch and left it on the desk. Then he disabled the GPS in his phone. The walk to the park was the longest walk he'd ever taken. It was like walking away from his family.

When Alan reached the parked he clearly saw Wesley on the ground. He was still alive. "Alan! What are you doing?" Wesley's hands were tied behind his back.

"I can't let him hurt you." Alan reasoned.

"That's not your decision to make." Wesley pleaded. "Please run! He's insane."

Alan ignored Wesley's request. He had to save his friend. Alan could never forgive himself if anything happened to Wesley, because of his actions. "Let him go we had a deal."

Dr. Lancaster made no move to release the boy. "We'll dump him along the way." The man stated. "It's good to see you again, Alan."

Jeff was sitting at his desk finishing up some work. Things had been slow on the mission front. It left too much time for Gordon to play pranks. Jeff's office phone rang and the caller ID read Wharton's Academy.

"Jeff Tracy speaking," Jeff couldn't remember the last time the school had called regarding Alan's behavior. Due to the call schedule Jeff usually knew what was happening in Alan's life.

"Hello Mr. Tracy this is Headmaster Greer from Wharton's Academy for Boys." The man introduced.

"Is there a problem?" The last time Wharton's called it was about the attack on Alan. But no distress signal had been activated.

"We had a situation regarding your son. Your son's roommate was murdered. Some student's discovered the body while they were walking home from football practice." The man informed.

"Is Alan okay?" Jeff needed to know if this had anything to do with his son. Wesley and Alan were best friends.

There was a sight pause on the other end of the line. "I'm afraid that your son is missing. We've patrolled the entire grounds, but came up empty." Mr. Greer enlightened. "The local police believe that the former professor Dr. Lancaster was involved. They claim to have evidence to support that Dr. Lancaster kidnapped Wesley to make Alan meet with him."

"What type of evidence?" Jeff's world was spinning out of control. "Why wasn't I notified sooner?"

"There are surveillance tapes on campus and Alan left his watch and removed the GPS from his phone." Professor Greer explained. "I would recommend coming to Wharton's as soon as you can. The next twenty four to forty eight hours are crucial to the investigation."

Jeff wanted to break something. Why had he allowed Alan to go back to that school? Jeff knew it wasn't safe for Alan. He knew he had made a mistake. Scott was never going to let him live this down. He was going to be furious. Jeff wasted no time in sounding the klaxon to get everyone gathered.

"John, what's the situation?" Scott, Virgil, and Gordon strode in.

The blonde shrugged, "It wasn't me that sounded the alarm."

"I did," Their father stated.

"What's wrong?" Virgil knew the look on his father's face well.

"I just got off the phone with the headmaster at Wharton's." Jeff started.

"Is Alan in trouble?" Gordon shared his rebellious side with Alan.

"Your brother's roommate was murdered last night and now Alan is missing." Jeff hated to speak the words.

"I'll run a track on his phone and watch." John jumped into action.

"Alan removed his watch and disabled the GPS device in his phone." The older Tracy shared worried glances with his sons.

"Why would Alan do something so stupid?" Scott demanded.

"The police believe that Dr. Lancaster kidnapped Wesley as leverage to get Alan alone. Since Alan cares about Wesley's safety he complied." Jeff recapped.

Virgil shook his head. "I talked to Alan yesterday afternoon. He was fine." The doctor defended.

"It must have happened after you talked with him." Jeff needed his son's on the same page. "Right now the only thing that matters is getting your brother back."

Jeff and the boys flew out to Massachusetts after they retrieved John from five. They had no interest in dealing with International Rescue until the youngest was safe. When they landed Jeff and John went to the police station to get caught up on the developments of the case. Gordon and Virgil went to Alan's dorm room. Scott went to talk to the headmaster.

"That's a lot of blood." Gordon whispered as he looked at the floor of Alan's dorm room.

"Dad said police ran it through the data base. It's Wesley's." Virgil comforted.

"Yeah, that doesn't make me feel better." Gordon sat down and started going through Alan's stuff.

Virgil picked his brother's computer and opened it. "It's encrypted. I'll have to get John to hack it." He was surprised the police didn't confiscate it as evidence.

"Did the police give cause of death?" Gordon was worried that the man capable of killing a kid had his only little brother.

"Dad didn't say." Virgil sighed.

Scott walked into the room unannounced. He froze at the blood on the floor. "That's not Allie's right?" He confirmed. "The headmaster told me they had no leads."

Virgil nodded, "It's Wesley's, not like it's comforting."

"Did Wesley's parents get his stuff?" Scott looked at the empty half of the room.

"I guess so." Gordon shrugged.

Scott sat down on the bed next to Virgil. He was still trying to break into the laptop. "Let me try." Scott suggested. "I know how the kid thinks."

Virgil had already tried and failed epically. He willing passed the computer over to his older brother. "There's no hint." He told the older man.

Scott continued to try to crack his brother's password. He used to know all of his passwords. "I got it!" He celebrated after the third failed attempt.

"What was it?" Gordon wondered.

"J-T-3-S-C-1-J-G-5-V-G-2-G-C-4," Scott smiled.

"What does that mean?" Gordon rolled his eyes.

"Jefferson Tracy Thunderbird 3, Scott Carpenter Thunderbird 1, John Glenn Thunderbird 5, Virgil Grissom Thunderbird 2, Gordon Cooper Thunderbird 4. It's in age order oldest to youngest." Scott explained.

"How in the world did you figure that out?" Virgil was amazed.

Scott poured through his brother's files. He hoped that since he cracked the password his brother would have let some clue. "In Alan's eyes we're his heroes. It makes sense that it would be his password."

Jeff and John were stunned by the pictures in front of them. Wesley had been strangled and left in a ditch like trash. It broke Jeff's heart to know Alan's attempt at keeping his friend safe was wasted.

"Do you think Allie was there?" John asked timidly.

Alan had been through enough hurt in his life. "I hope not." Jeff prayed.

"What kind of a sick person does this to children?" John couldn't keep the rage held in.

Jeff wished he had an answer. He placed a hand on John's shoulder. "The police are working around the clock on this, John. They're putting up posters, contacting the media, patrolling neighborhoods, looking into connections to Lancaster. There isn't much else we can do, but keep searching and pray that Alan is staying strong." Jeff needed to hear these words himself.

Alan could hardly breathe from the pain. It wasn't physical, but emotional. He was stupid to believe that Dr. Lancaster would spare his friend. Now he had nothing to lose. The man reached out and brushed fingers along Alan's cheek. "I'm sorry things had to be this way. But you left me no choice." Dr. Lancaster rationalized.

Alan pulled away from his touch and pushed him away. "You promised me you would let him go."

Dr. Lancaster hit Alan in the face causing him to fall to the ground. Alan could taste the blood in his mouth. "He would have told everyone what he knew." The man lectured. "I couldn't risk losing you again. You mean too much to me. It's been too long." The dark haired hand ran his fingers through the boy's hair.

"He didn't deserve to die." Alan argued. "I would have gone with you. We had a deal."

The professor hovered over the boy without speaking. "You're making this harder for yourself Alan. Stop fighting me." He picked Alan by his shirt up and pressed him against the wall.

Alan continued to struggle. He didn't care if he was hurt. Nothing else mattered. Dr. Lancaster had nothing to threaten him with anymore. "I won't." Alan yelled. "I will never stop fighting you. There is nothing more you do to me that you haven't already done. You don't scare me anymore."

Dr. Lancaster hit Alan before leaving the room. He locked the door behind him to make sure Alan couldn't escape from his dark basement. Alan found it more comfortable in the dark than with the former professor. He just hoped that John would get his message sooner rather than later.

Scott, Gordon, and Virgil went back to the hotel with the computer. They needed privacy to sort through everything. Jeff and John came back not long afterwards.

"Do the police have any leads?" Virgil asked his father.

Jeff shook his head. "They know Lancaster was involved. His DNA was all over the body. But he went off the grid." John stated.

"I got this from the headmaster." Scott gave the watch and GPS device to his father.

"Wait a second," John interrupted taking the bag from his father. "This isn't from Alan's cell phone."

"What are you talking about?" Gordon groaned.

"I helped Brains develop the untraceable satellite phones we all carry. This GPS device is from a standard phone." John ranted.

"What does that mean?" Virgil's interests were heightened.

"It means that I can find Alan." John smiled. "Assuming he still has his GPS device."

"Dr. Lancaster would have made sure he had no way of contacting us." Jeff didn't want to get his hopes up.

"It's worth a try." Scott handed John his laptop so he could start the trace.

"What would happen if Alan removed the GPS from the satellite phone?" Gordon randomly asked.

John hesitated, "It would still work until the juice ran out."

"Why do you ask?" Jeff thought the question was weird.

"Well if he didn't want Lancaster to find it he could have swallowed it or used the cell phone as a distraction from the GPS." Gordon offered. "I told Alan a story about when I was in WASP."

"I got a hit. It's weak, but not moving. I'll write down the coordinates." Everyone's prayers had just been answered. Now they hoped they could make it there in time. Lancaster had already killed one innocent kid. The family hoped that Alan's temper wouldn't get the better of him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**Warning: This chapter is graphic. There isn't anything sexual, but it is implied. Continue with caution.**

**A/N: Thanks to all the people that have favorited, followed, and reviewed this story! You're thoughts and feedback has been valued. I love hearing from all of you. Right now I have 17 chapters written. I am constantly going through and changing things to improve the story and tie lose ends together. Happy reading and Merry Christmas!**

**CHAPTER 11**

Alan hoped his brothers would figure out the message. It wasn't like he was a genius when it came to disabling cell phones. He'd only heard enough from John to know that a GPS can still act as a transmitter while it's detached from the device.

When Alan woke up next he was laying on a bed. He tried to move, but his arm was handcuffed to the bed. His entire body ached. "Why do you make me hurt you?" The man caressed Alan's cheek.

Alan wanted to vomit, but knew if he did it would ruin his plan. "I hate you." He spat.

"I say we take our relationship to the next level. What do you say?" The former professor used a knife to cut Alan's chest.

It was only a flesh wound, but it still sung like a hot iron. Alan screamed as the act was repeated multiple times. Alan thought he was going to pass out from the pain. It would be a blessing. Dr. Lancaster smiled as he leaned in next to Alan's face. "You're mine." Alan took advantage of the situation and head butted the man.

Dr. Lancaster stumbled backward for a moment before running forward and wrapping his hands around Alan's neck. The hands were too tight. Alan started choking for breath. The man's hands continued to clamp down on Alan's airway until he saw blackness.

The next time Alan woke up he was cover in vomit, his own vomit. When did he vomit? He was in the dark, but could hear the roughness of the road beneath him. Dr. Lancaster must have found the transmitter.

"I called the chief of police. They're going to meet us there." Jeff informed as Scott drove. The signal was about two hours away from Wharton's. John had analyzed the entire area to discover it was coming from a house in the suburbs.

"Please hang in there, Alan." Scott wished his brother could read his thoughts from the distance. He wanted Alan to know that they were on the way.

When Jeff and the boys arrived there were lights flashing all down the street. "Jeff Tracy?" An officer inquired as they approached the house.

"Where's my son?" Jeff wasn't going to waste time with formalities.

The officer stepped forward so that he could address the family better. "I'm afraid the place was cleared out by the time we got here. We found the GPS in a pool of vomit. We're setting up roadblocks on all the major roads out of state. If he's driving we'll catch him. " The man promised.

Scott and Gordon had heard enough excuses for one day. All they wanted was their brother home safe. Scott wanted to kill that man for what he had done to his brother. There was blood everywhere. After the police had finished collecting evidence they had allowed the family into the house.

"The head of the forensic team said the blood is a match." Virgil whispered.

Gordon ran a hand through his hair angrily. "He should have been here." He shouted. "We should have found the GPS signal sooner."

John placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Alan did everything he could to buy us more time." He comforted.

"Yeah, look at where it's got him." Scott yelled at his father. "This is your fault."

Jeff hesitated at his son's words. "I understand you're worried, but throwing around blame isn't going to save your brother." He stated sternly.

"Alan would be safe at home right now if you had listened to me in the first place." Scott fumed. "I told you sending Alan back was like giving him away and you refused to listen."

Virgil blocked his older brother from his father. "This isn't helping." The doctor interrupted.

"You're right." Jeff admitted. "Is that what you want to hear? I shouldn't have let him go back."

"It's about time." Scott threw his hands up in frustration.

"Stop it Scott!" Gordon ordered. "We need to focus on finding our brother."

Scott backed down, but remained giving his father glares. If his father had listened to them from the beginning Alan wouldn't be in danger. The rest of the family had dispersed and started searching the house. The police had combed through all Dr. Lancaster's properties and relatives.

"What's that?" Virgil asked John. The blonde was holding a photo album.

"It's just a bunch of pictures of Alan." John passed the album to his brother.

Virgil sat down and started flipping through the pictures. "He looks happy." He commented.

"That's because he didn't know he was being watched." Scott snapped. "We should have told him about the photos from the beginning."

"Wait," Jeff told Virgil. "I know him."

There was a picture of Dr. Lancaster and the headmaster at Wharton's Academy. They were high school age. "Headmaster Greer never mentioned he went to high school with Lancaster." Scott commented.

Jeff wasted no time in calling the police chief and informing him of the connection. Dr. Greer had been picked up and brought into the police station for questioning. John and Virgil went back to the hotel for some sleep. Gordon headed to Wharton's to talk to Alan's friends. They wanted an update on the case. Jeff and Scott decided to go to the police station to talk to Dr. Greer. According to the police he had been cooperating.

"Where's my son?" Jeff demanded.

Dr. Greer didn't seem intimidated by the interrogation. "I don't know the whereabouts Alan Tracy or Keith Lancaster."

"Don't lie to me." Jeff raised his voice.

The man raised his hands up in defense. "If I knew where Keith took your son I would tell you Mr. Tracy." Dr. Greer reasoned.

"You better start talking before I get bored." Scott warned.

"What do you want to know?" The headmaster rushed.

"Everything," Scott was finished playing nice. Every moment they wasted was another minute that Alan was alone.

"Keith and I were best friends when we attended Wharton's Academy. After college we drifted apart. The board of trustees hoped that by bringing me in as headmaster Keith would be deterred from coming after Alan." Dr. Greer recapped.

Scott grunted, "That didn't work out so well for my brother did it."

"I made a mistake." Dr. Greer confessed. "I underestimated the situation, but I had no involvement in kidnapping your son."

"What about Wesley Pierce?" Jeff noticed the headmaster didn't mention the boy. "Were you involved in his murder? It's pretty obvious that someone was involved. The murder just so happened to occur on your campus when all the security personnel were on a shift change. What are the chances of that happening?"

"Wesley Pierce was a drug dealer and an addict." The headmaster justified.

"I didn't ask if he was a criminal. I asked if you played a role in his murder." Jeff was getting a horrible feeling. Maybe Lancaster and Greer had come to an arrangement.

"You'll have to ask Wesley's father about that." The older man dismissed.

Scott slammed his hand on the table. "We're asking you."

"I want to speak to my lawyer." Dr. Greer announced.

Jeff and Scott were escorted from the room immediately and taken into the chief's office. "What haven't you told us?" Jeff needed to know everything if he was going to find his son.

"Wesley's father and Dr. Greer are connected. It turns out that Dr. Greer lost a brother to overdose. You can guess who sold him the drugs, Wesley Pierce's father." The chief informed. "Dr. Greer offered Lancaster a trade. Lancaster kills Wesley in exchange for Alan and the headmaster's silence."

"How long have you known about this connection?" Jeff was puzzled.

"We are still in the process of gathering evidence." The officer debated. "Nothing has been confirmed."

Alan had been drifting in and out of consciousness for days. He had no idea how long he had been away. It could have been months and Alan wouldn't have known the difference. They had been hopping from motel to hotel to cabin for days. It was early one morning when Alan took his chance. He pretended to be asleep and ran while Dr. Lancaster was preoccupied. It didn't work. Dr. Lancaster caught up to him in the woods. He knew the area better than Alan and therefore held the advantage. The professor threw Alan to the ground and pressed down on his airways with his hands. Alan saw the knife that had been cast aside out of rage. It was a split second decision. He had no choice anymore. It was Professor Lancaster or him. The blonde plunged the knife into the man's chest. After he regained his breath he started run until his feet were bleeding and he could hardly breathe. He had no idea where he was anymore. All he knew was he needed to get away.

Three weeks had passed since Alan disappeared without a trace. The police had come to a dead end. The headmaster at Wharton's Academy was charged as an accomplice to murder and kidnapping. Eventually Jeff had no choice, but to go back to work. They still continued to search without the local police's knowledge. Scott and Gordon had remained in Massachusetts for as long as time would allow. Eventually International Rescue was resumed and life returned to business as usual.

Jeff and the boys had just finished with a mission when John called them. A local gas station owner had found Alan unconscious along a highway. The local police used the family's emergency number to make sure they responded. Alan had been taken to Mercy General Hospital for treatment.

When Jeff, Scott, John, Virgil, and Gordon arrived at the hospital they were taken to a waiting room. The doctors were still working on Alan and couldn't give them a good estimate. It was six hours later than a doctor emerged and called Jeff's name.

"How is he?" Scott's patience had long run out. He had already had several cups of coffee and paced through the waiting room floor.

"I'm going to need to speak with Alan's father alone." The doctor refused to answer.

"Dr. Harding, you can speak freely. My sons deserve to know." Jeff told the woman.

"I'm not sure what you've been told about Alan's condition so I'm going to start from the beginning." The doctor spoke calmly. "Alan was sexually assaulted."

"We know that Alan was molested by his professor last year." John informed the doctor.

The doctor sighed, "There are signs of recent sexual assault. There is swelling and bruising from repeated assault that's consistent with male rape victims." Jeff and they boys knew there would be if they recovered Alan. It still broke their hurts hearing it out loud. "His other injuries are very serious. To start from the beginning Alan has extensive bruising and scrapping on his face, chest, and feet. This is consistent with being hit repeatedly for extend periods of time. The damage to the feet was most likely from running through the woods. They look bad, but will all heal in time. There are several lacerations on Alan's torso and arms. These did need some stitches. There are a few we are monitoring for infection." The doctor continued.

"Alan was stabbed?" Scott had never considered Alan being hurt that way.

"The wounds weren't meant to kill him. They were meant to cause pain." Dr. Harding explained.

Virgil held up his hand to stop her. "I think that may be worse."

"The two injuries that I am very concerned about are the damage to the neck and the bump to the forehead. Alan has bruising around his throat that appears to be from repetitive strangulation. It was most likely done during the sexual assault as a form of control. He also has some inflammation in the brain." Jeff rubbed his hands over his face. That was how Wesley was murdered.

"Is there any damage to his airways from the strangulation?" Virgil knew what this would mean. Alan was on a ventilator.

"There's a lot of inflammation in both the brain and in the airways. We had to put him on a ventilator to help him get oxygen to the brain." The doctor nodded.

"Can we see him?" Gordon didn't care about anything, but seeing his little brother.

The doctor led them to the Adolescent Intensive Care Unit and told them Alan was in room four. He was only allowed two visitors at a time. Jeff and Scott opted to go first.

Scott wasn't sure what to expect when the doctor was listing off Alan's injuries. She told them the bruising was extensive, but nothing could have prepared Scott for Alan's appearance. Alan's face and neck were black and blue. His skin was pale and his face was sunken. It looked like Alan had been starved.

Jeff reached down and took his son's hand. "The doctor said he can hear us." Scott was still waiting by the door. "Do you think that's true?"

"I know it's true." Jeff held his son's hand tighter.

Scott took his brother's hand. "Hey Allie," He whispered. "It's going to be okay. You're safe now."

After Scott and Jeff left the room John and Virgil went in. Jeff was going to go back in with Gordon. "How does he look?" Gordon asked Scott.

"Like he went ten rounds with a block of cement and lost." Scott muttered. Alan was alive. That's all that mattered.

Virgil studied the screens that surrounded his brother. It was easier for him to tell where Alan was based on the numbers. "How does everything look?" John was sitting by Alan holding his hand.

"They look pretty good considering his current situation." Virgil sighed.

"Do you think he'll wake up?" John knew technically Alan was in a coma.

"He made it this far. He got away. Alan's a fighter." Virgil had seen how resilient the kid could be. Not only had he sacrificed his life for his friend, but he had survived three years of repeated abuse.

"We better go get Gordon. He's probably pacing." John kissed his brother's hand before letting go.

"We love you, Sprout." Virgil squeezed Alan's leg.

The following two weeks were rough on the entire family. The family got a hotel room close to the hospital so they could take turns staying with Alan. The AICU had very strict visiting hours from ten in the morning to ten at night. Alan was still showing no signs of waking. The doctor had reported that the swelling in the brain had significantly decreased. It was the damage to the throat that worried them. The police had raided the cabin and were patrolling the area until Lancaster was found.

Scott was sitting next to the bed holding his brother's hand when he felt Alan squeeze back. "Alan?"

Alan was drifting. It was the most blissful place. He felt no pain or rage only peace. Alan was brought back to reality by a voice. "Alan?" He immediately recognized Scott's voice. He tried to talk, but was stopped by something blocking his throat. Alan opened his eyes and started to gag.

Scott pressed the nurse button when he realized that his brother was waking up. The nurses ran and tried to assess the situation. They replaced the ventilator with an oxygen mask. "Hey Allie," Scott placed a kiss on his brother's forehead.

Alan wanted to stay awake, but was fighting a losing battle. "What happened?" Virgil interrogated as he walked in.

"He woke up gagging so they removed the ventilator." Scott recapped. "They're keeping him on oxygen as a precaution until the inflammation in the airways goes down."

"Welcome back, Sprout." Virgil smiled at the sleeping form in front of him.

The next time Alan woke up he wasn't happy. He could feel everything. It was pure agony. He felt like he had been run over by an eighteen wheeler. He could feel something resting on his face and attempted to pull it off. "It's helping you breath, Allie. Leave it on." Virgil reassured.

"Scotty?" Alan remembered his brother being there.

"Scott went back to the hotel. Do you want us to call him?" Alan turned his head towards John's voice. It wasn't a dream his mind had cooked up. Alan was with his family again. He was safe.

"He was here." Alan's voice was strained and cracked.

"He'll be back in a few hours, Sprout." John promised.

"What do you need Alan?" Virgil's voice sounded from the opposite side of the bed.

"Pain," Alan coughed.

John and Virgil understood what Alan meant by the word. "I'll go get the nurse." Virgil offered.

"I'll call Scott." John picked his phone up and started to dial.

"No," Alan moaned. "Smother hen."

John couldn't stop laughing at Alan's pain inducted deduction. It was obvious what Alan meant by the comment. He didn't want Scott to worry about him. "I'll be sure to tell him what you think." The blonde joked.

Alan mumbled softly, "He's sensitive."

"Who's sensitive?" Virgil came in after the nurse was finished.

"Scott is apparently." John chuckled.

Virgil was going to comment, but Alan had gone back to sleep as the pain killers kicked in. A few hours later Gordon and Scott showed up for their shift.

"Hey smother hen," Virgil greeted.

"You two haven't been stealing Alan's drugs have you?" Scott accused.

"Alan's words not mine." John justified.

Gordon and Scott shared a glance. "He woke up again." Virgil informed.

"What did the Sprout have to say?" Gordon and Jeff were the only ones that hadn't seen Alan awake.

"Not much. His voice is scratchy and he was having trouble talking. He asked for you." John revealed.

Scott shot his brother an angry glare. "Why didn't you call me?" He hollered.

"Alan wouldn't let me. He said you were a smother hen." John cracked up laughing.

"Yeah well he's high as a kite." Scott excused.

"He told me you are sensitive." John was having more fun in a hospital room than up on five.

"That sounds like Alan." Gordon smirked.

John and Virgil went back to the hotel after Gordon and Scott got settled. They had fallen into a routine of sorts. Two brothers would stay with Alan at a time. Jeff would come in alone to sit with Alan every few hours.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**A/N: I will be on vacation for a few days! I will post new chapters as soon as I return. **

**CHAPTER 12**

When Alan woke up next he was surprised to see the lights were dimmed in the room. How much drugs had they given him? He felt good. Alan reached up and found his brother's head resting on his bed.

Scott jerked awake and the feel of someone touching his head. "You're making my hand numb." Alan whispered. His throat felt better on the medication.

Scott sat up and let go of his brother's hand. He hadn't realized how tired he was. "How are you doing, Sprout?" Scott smiled.

"I'm stoned." Alan admitted.

"They have you on a lot of pain killers." Scott enlightened.

Alan said sleepily, "It's nice."

Scott rolled his eyes. "John said you asked for me." The older man stated. Alan closed his eyes and didn't respond. "Are you okay?" Scott grew worried.

Alan turned his head away from his brother's prying eyes. "He killed Wesley."

Scott held his brothers shoulder firmly. They had been careful when touching their brother. He still had a difficult recovery ahead of him. His physical injuries were expensive, but they all knew he was a roller coaster of emotions. Right now he was on serval medications to help keep him calm. "You were there?" Scott was surprised by this news.

Alan nodded as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. "It was my fault." He cried.

"No it wasn't, Allie. Look at me." Scott comforted. "Wesley would have done anything to keep you safe."

"He didn't deserve to die." Alan was choking on his tears.

The younger boy was getting more upset by the second. He was hyperventilating, crying, and shaking. Scott threw caution to the wind and crawled into bed and pulled his brother into his chest. Alan didn't seem to mind being touched at the moment. "It's going to be okay, Allie." He promised.

A few hours later Jeff and Gordon came to the hospital to relieve Scott. Gordon had left Scott alone at the hospital that night. The older boy had insisted on staying until Alan woke up. Scott had been at the hospital all night. After the ventilator was removed Alan's visiting hours were extended. The two men were surprised to find Scott and Alan sleeping in the hospital bed. They knew that Alan had been waking up periodically. But neither of them knew his mental state.

"Time to wake up, Scooter." Gordon shook him.

Scott rubbed his eyes as he stirred. "What time is it?" He groaned.

Jeff looked at his watch. "Ten till eight."

"Did Alan wake up again?" Gordon wanted to talk to his brother again.

Scott stood up and covered Alan up to make sure he stayed warm. "He woke up around two in the morning. He had a small breakdown then cried until he fell asleep an hour later." He sighed.

"Does he remember what happened?" Jeff questioned.

Scott nodded, "He knew about Wesley. I think he remembers all of it."

"At least we don't have to break the news to him." Gordon looked on the bright side.

Scott kissed Alan's forehead before leaving. He wished he could stay, but knew Jeff wouldn't allow any of them to stay longer than ten hours at a time.

Jeff decided he was going to finish up some work while Gordon and he waited for Alan to wake up. It hurt Jeff to know that he had woken up while he was away. It was hard enough to talk to the police about the evidence that had been recovered from the cabin where Alan was held. Dr. Lancaster was died. It was both a comfort and a nightmare. At this point only Jeff and John knew about the former professor's death. They intended to keep it that way until Alan recovered.

Gordon had been keeping Alan's friends updated on his condition. Matt asked Gordon to text him with any new developments. He was a loyal and caring friend. "What does Matt have to say?" Jeff heard his son's phone buzz.

"He got offered a full ride to Harvard next fall." Gordon announced.

"He'll never go there." Alan chimed.

Jeff and Gordon jumped when they realized Alan was awake. "Why wouldn't he? Harvard is an ivy league school with a great athletics program." Jeff remember with John went to Harvard University.

"He has his heart set on Stanford." Alan whispered.

"How do you feel?" Jeff wanted to make sure his youngest was comfortable. The bruising and swelling on the boy's face and throat had significantly gone down since he was first admitted. John and Virgil had told them of his voice being scratchy and painful. But it actually seemed clearer today.

Alan shifted a little and let out a groan. "Everything hurts." He confessed.

"I'll go get you some drugs." Gordon offered.

Jeff sat down in the chair next to Alan's beside. "You scared us to death." He slowly took Alan's hand into his. The last thing he wanted was to startle or scare his son after everything he'd been through.

The younger boy accepted the gesture openly. "I knew you would find me." Alan reasoned.

Jeff brushed Alan's hair off of his forehead. "You shouldn't have played hero, Alan." Jeff lectured. "You should have called me."

"You can't protect me from everything." Alan justified. "I made a choice to save my friend."

"I'm proud of you." Jeff needed his son to know how much he loved him. "But it almost cost you your life."

"I'm going to be grounded, aren't I?" Alan realized.

Jeff nodded, "I think the pain you're going through is punishment enough."

"Scott said you went to Wesley's funeral." Alan said soberly.

The older man hesitated, "It was a beautiful service."

Alan chuckled dryly, "Wesley would have hated it then."

"He was an amazing boy, Alan. Despite how much trouble he got himself into." Jeff approved. Jeff could tell that Alan had accepted his friend's death. Wesley was dead the moment Dr. Lancaster took him. If Alan hadn't protected himself against his attacker he too would have ended up in a ditch.

"What happened to Professor Lancaster?" Jeff was hoping Alan remembered what happened.

Jeff held Alan's hand tightly at the question. "The police are still searching and there is a warrant out for his arrest." The patriarch wasn't sure how Alan was going to take the news. Jeff was hoping to see some sign that Alan knew the man was dead.

"Story of my life," Alan grumbled.

Gordon returned with a nurse not long after and gave him some pain medication. Jeff left the room to get some coffee. He knew that Gordon wanted some time alone with Alan while he was awake.

"What's wrong?" Alan asked his older brother.

Gordon had let his brother down. He only had one little brother and so far he had failed epically at protecting him. "How can you ask me that right now?" The crimson haired boy looked down at his beaten brother.

"This wasn't your fault." Alan comforted.

"You're my little brother, Allie. It's my job to keep you safe." Gordon broke down laying his head on his brother's bed.

Alan ran his hand through his brother's hair. "You do protect me, Gordo. You keep me sane in a house of smother hens." Alan smiled.

Gordon laughed, "Yeah they are a pain in the…"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you." Jeff warned as he entered the room.

Gordon gave his brother a knowing look. The nurse brought Alan his breakfast and administered some different medication.

"What about International Rescue?" Alan inquired.

Jeff smiled at his son's curiosity. "We are exactly where we need to be right now. Lady Penelope is scanning calls. She knows how to reach us if we're needed." He reassured.

Shortly after the pain medicine kicked in Alan started to drift. The doctor came in around lunch to examine Alan and update his chart.

"How is he doing?" Gordon questioned.

"His lacerations are healing great. If all looks well we can remove the stitches tomorrow." Dr. Harding informed.

"What about the head and neck injury?" Jeff was still concerned about Alan's pain level.

"The swelling around his face and neck have decreased significantly. I see some damage to the airways that I want to keep an eye on. The concussion will take some time to recover from. There are no clear signs of hemorrhaging or blood clots. If all looks well and we can prepare him for release next week." The female doctor elaborated.

Within the following week Alan had been slowly weaned off the pain medications and his stitches were removed. The number of his visitors was increased from two to five. Alan was still sleeping a significant amount due to the levels of pain. The wounds on his chest and neck were still hurting him.

Jeff had forced Alan to spend the night in their hotel suite before they made the journey home. He was worried about Alan making the plane ride home, even though he had been cleared by his physician to fly.

Alan and his father were sharing a room while the other four were in the adjoining room. They all knew Alan needed his sleep. Alan was lying on the bed in between Scott and Virgil. Gordon was flipping through the channels like an addict looking for a fix.

"Gordon," Scott complained. "Pick a channel and stay there. You're driving me insane."

"It wasn't a long trip was it, commander cranky pants." Gordon grumbled.

Scott grabbed a pillow and flung it at his little brother. Alan stifled a laugh. Virgil grabbed the remote and flipped to another channel.

"How are you feeling, Sprout?" Virgil noticed Alan had barely spoken.

Alan was curled up in a ball. He felt drained. "I'm just tired." Alan mumbled as he closed his eyes. "It's cold in here."

Gordon picked his hoodie off the floor and tossed it to Virgil. "Put this on. We don't need you catching anything." The doctor ordered.

Alan rolled his eyes, but complied. All his brother's clothes were big on him. It made them all the more comfy for lounging around. Alan had lost a lot of weight over his few weeks in captivity. He always liked wearing Scott's old sweatshirts when he was sick.

"Do you have any pain?" Scott interrogated.

Alan burrowed his head in Scott's chest. "I'm fine." Alan whispered sleepily.

There was a knock on the door that caused Alan to jump. "I think that's for you." Gordon nodded to Alan.

Alan stared at his brother in complete confusion. Matt and Sam were standing at the door. "What are you doing here?" Alan was in shock.

"We may have snuck out." Sam hinted.

"And by may he means we did sneak out. Wharton's security sucks." Matt chuckled.

"Wesley would be so proud." Alan approved.

Alan grabbed his room key off the table. "I'll see you guys later." He told his brothers.

"Whoa! We never said you could leave!" Scott scolded.

John rolled his eyes at the smother hen. "Let him have some fun. He'll be right next door." The other blonde convinced.

"Come on Scott. Give Sprout one last night of freedom." Gordon begged.

"Take your phone." Scott agreed. John had repaired Alan's phone while he was in the hospital.

Sam instantly threw himself on Alan's bed. "I brought you a present." Matt smiled.

"This was Wesley's." Alan looked at the rope twine bracelet. He remembered the story behind it. Wesley never took it off. It was the only thing his father had ever given to him.

"I thought you'd appreciate it." A rough voice stated.

Alan looked up to see Wesley's father. He had met the man a few times. "I thought you were going back to Louisiana." He remembered Wesley telling him something about Louisiana.

The man smirked, "I'm still on probation for a few months."

Alan ran and gave the man a hug. Mr. Pierce returned the hug. "Could you give us some space, boys?"

Alan closed the hotel door behind his friends. Wesley and his father had always been close. "Wesley told me what happened." The man sat down on the bed next to Alan.

"How? When?" Alan stuttered.

"He called me before the semester started. He was worried about you." Mr. Pierce divulged.

Alan ran a hand through his hair. "I miss him. I keep thinking that he's going to call or text." He broke down.

The older man put his arm around Alan's shoulders. "He wouldn't have wanted it any other way, Alan. You were more than a friend to Wesley. You were there for him when I couldn't be." He consoled.

"I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for him." Alan let his emotions show freely.

Mr. Pierce put a strong hand on the younger boy's shoulder. "He loved you like a brother."

"You didn't find Jesus again, did you?" Alan knew how much Wesley loved his father's excuses.

Mr. Pierce laughed at the joke as he stroked his beard. Matt and Same came back in a few seconds later. It was getting too cold outside to wait. "Let me take the boys and you out to eat. It's the least I can do."

"Might as well." Matt shrugged. "We're already breaking a dozen school rules."

"I'm in," Sam nodded.

Alan wanted to go, but knew his brothers would never allow it. "I would, but I don't think I'm allowed to have a life anymore." He stated sarcastically.

When Jeff got back from Wharton's he went to the boy's room first. He knew that Alan would most likely be asleep.

"Where's your brother?" Jeff questioned.

"Matt and Sam stopped by. They're in the other hotel room." Gordon enlightened.

Jeff gave Scott a stern look. "Wharton's curfew was over an hour ago."

"It's their last chance to say goodbye, Dad." John reasoned. "We can give them a lift back to campus."

There was a knock on the door and Jeff answered. "Do you mind if I go out to dinner?" Alan stood in the doorway.

"Where do you want to go?" Scott inquired.

Alan hesitated at the question. "I offered to take them out." Wesley's father stepped forward.

Alan's brothers were immediately on their feet. "Who are you?" Scott snapped.

Jeff held up his hand to stop his son. "This is Mr. Pierce, Wesley's father." Alan introduced.

"I didn't see you at the funeral." Jeff didn't recognize the man.

"Wesley's mother and I have a complicated relationship." Mr. Peirce diverted.

Jeff didn't feel comfortable with Alan going out with a man he didn't know. The only thing they knew was that he was a drug dealer. "I appreciate the offer, but Alan just got out of the hospital and he needs his rest." Jeff excused.

Alan rolled his eyes. "I told you." He sighed.

"It was worth the try kid." Mr. Pierce nudged him. "You have my number right?"

"Yeah I got it from Wesley last year." Alan remembered.

"I'm starving." Sam complained.

Matt shook his head. "Sam is always hungry." He told Mr. Pierce.

Matt gave Alan a one armed hug before following Sam to the car. "Call me if you ever need a bail out." Wesley's father hugged him.

"Try to keep out of trouble. You know that's all Wesley wanted." Alan revealed.

"You know me." Mr. Pierce laughed. "I'll be back in within the month."

Alan thought about the man's statement. "Should we pray for your salvation?" He jested.

"My son was a horrible influence on you." Mr. Pierce mocked.

Alan shrugged, "Oh, heavenly father…"

"Ok Mr. Smarty Pants." The man waved as he walked to his car.

Alan turned around to see questioning looks from all his family. "I'm wiped." He threw himself onto the bed by Scott.

"Why were you praying?" Virgil asked with an amused grin.

"Ever since I've known Wesley his father has been in prison up state. Wesley went to visit him on weekends. He got out last year and claimed he had found Jesus." Alan chuckled. "It was hilarious."

"He's a convict?" Scott hollered.

Alan closed his eyes. "He got out on good behavior about a month ago." The younger boy reasoned. "He's harmless."

"He doesn't sound harmless to me." Scott argued. "What is it with you and dangerous people?"

Alan stood up angrily. "He's Wesley's father! All he wanted was to say goodbye! I wanted to give him some closure after what happened to his son." Alan raised his voice as loud as he could without causing himself pain.

Jeff rubbed his hands over his face. "That's enough!" He interrupted. "Alan you need to get some rest. We have a long flight tomorrow." Jeff ordered the boy from the room.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**CHAPTER 13**

Alan had a restless night at the hotel. Jeff had to wake him up multiple times from nightmares. The young boy had gotten so worked he started vomiting. Jeff and Alan were up a majority of the night. Jeff had made arrangements for Alan to be seen by a family friend when he got back to the island. He knew that the youngest needed to talk to someone about the abuse he had suffered.

On the flight home Alan slept. He was exhausted from the night before. Jeff was worried about Alan making the plane ride home, even though he had been cleared by his physician to fly. Virgil had insisted on accompanying Alan on the flight back to Tracy Island. He wanted to make sure Alan didn't have any vomiting. Their father had made it clear not to push Alan to talk until he decided to open up.

After Thunderbird one was safely landed Scott got up to wake his brother up. "He feels warm." Scott told the doctor.

Virgil reached out and felt his brother's forehead and cheeks. "I'll check his temperature once we get him to bed." He decided. "Dad said he had a rough night."

Scott picked Alan up and carried off into the hanger. "Do you want some help?" Virgil offered.

"The kid weighs practically nothing." Scott excused.

Scott lay Alan down on his bed and covered him up. He was pretty sure the kid had a fever. He was clammy and starting to shiver slightly. "It's 99.9 degrees." Virgil announced.

"You don't think it was the flight do you?" Scott wondered.

Virgil shook his head. "Probably just a bug from the hospital, but I'll check it again in an hour. Let him sleep it off."

"How is he?" Jeff had run into Virgil on the way to Alan's room.

"He has a slight fever that I want to keep an eye on. The lacerations on his chest are healed, but there is still significant bruising and inflammation. His neck is still swollen too." Virgil informed.

Virgil returned an hour later to recheck Alan's temperature. Scott and Gordon had been taking turns staying with Alan to make sure his temperature stayed down. He was only just recovered. They didn't want him getting sick on top of his injuries. "102.3," Virgil muttered.

"Do we need to cool him down?" Jeff inquired.

"I'll give him some Tylenol to bring the fever down. It will help the bruising on his chest and neck." Virgil diagnosed. "Can you call his doctor on the mainland? I want to make sure she agrees with the treatment based on his injuries."

Jeff nodded before leaving the room. Dr. Harding agreed with Virgil's assessment of Alan and recommended an anti-inflammatory for the lesions and the fever.

The next morning Alan woke up feeling beaten down and sore. His entire body was aching. He hadn't felt this sick since he had the flu freshman year. Alan lifted up his shirt to examine the healed cuts running across his torso. All that remained was dark bruising. His chest and neck were throbbing painfully. The dream had been all too real. H was back there with Dr. Lancaster. Alan didn't have the courage to talk to his family about his injuries. The little they knew the better.

"What's wrong, Sprout?" Alan jumped at the voice coming from his doorway.

"Johnny?" The younger boy was surprised to see his brother. "I thought you went back up to five?"

"I'm heading up tomorrow. Brains wanted to finish up some routine maintenance before I go up." John shrugged.

Alan accepted the excuse. He knew that John was making sure he got better before leaving. "Oh," Alan sighed.

"Are you okay?" John could tell Alan wasn't comfortable. He took a seat on the bed next to his brother.

"I'm fine," Alan ignored.

John took a deep breath. He knew what that meant. Alan only said he was fine when something was wrong. "Did you have another nightmare?" The older blonde asked.

Alan refused to look into his brother's eyes. "I don't want to talk about it." He refused.

"Dad told me about the nightmares at the hotel. He said you started vomiting." John pressed.

Alan fidgeted uncomfortably. He wasn't ready to talk about what happened while Dr. Lancaster had him captive. It was too much pain to live through again. "I'm not ready to talk." Alan whispered.

John looked disappointed. "The longer you bottle this up the longer it's going to haunt you." The astronaut reasoned. "Please don't push us away again."

Alan ran his hands over his face in frustration. "What part of 'not ready' do you not understand? I don't want to talk John!" He lost his temper.

"Please let someone help you, Allie." John knew his brother had been through hell. They had just gained Alan's trust again. John couldn't get the call out of his head. Dr. Lancaster had been found stabbed to death. Alan had killed him in self-defense. All John wanted was for his brother to open up and say the words. When Alan didn't respond John closed his bedroom door to give him peace.

Jeff was doing his best to remain on top of the investigation back in Massachusetts. He wanted Alan to have some peace of mind for once. He was still waiting on confirmation from the police. Was the former professor's death self-defense or not?

Gordon, Scott, and Virgil were in the pool goofing off. They needed a break. Between Alan, IR, and Tracy Enterprises they had little time to themselves.

"How's the sprout?" Scott questioned.

"He had another nightmare." John revealed.

Virgil got out of the pool and started to dry himself off. "We knew it was bound to happen." The doctor sighed. "He's been through a lot."

"I wish he would say something." John fumed.

"What do you want him to say?" Gordon perched his arms on the edge of the pool.

"Anything," John wanted his brother back. "He could yell at me for all I care."

"Dad arranged for Alan to see someone." Virgil reasoned.

Scott understood where John's frustration was coming from. "Do you honestly think Alan is going to talk to a psychiatrist?" The oldest snorted.

"It's better than letting him go through it on his own." Virgil argued.

"He isn't alone." Gordon shouted.

John shook his head, "He isn't going to let us in."

"Knock it off!" Jeff stormed onto the villa. "If I can hear, then I know Alan can."

"Sorry Dad," John apologized.

"I know you are all worried about your brother. I'm worried too, but fighting isn't going to help him." Jeff compromised. "Alan needs to know that we are here for him. We need to support him and be there for him."

"How can we be there for him when he won't talk to us?" John didn't want to leave his brother down here in this state. Not when he was going back up to five soon.

"Maybe we should talk to him." Virgil quipped. "All of us at the same time."

"I highly doubt Alan is going to open up if we play family intervention." Scott remembered how uncomfortable Alan became when his brother's discovered the abuse. He made himself sick with fear.

"He doesn't have to open up." Virgil remarked. "He just needs to know that we're here for him."

Alan finally emerged from his room a few days later. Virgil had been coming up to check on his fever and bring him food. He still wasn't feeling great. It wasn't pain, but more congestion. He felt sick. The blonde was halfway down the stairs when he realized his family was sitting in the living room.

"It wasn't me." Alan held his hands up in defense. "I've been in my room all day."

"Sit down, Alan." Jeff nodded to the couch.

Alan was pretty sure he hadn't done anything stupid since returning home. Why was his family mad at him? "You guys are freaking me out." He blurted. "Seriously, what's with the angry stares?"

"You've been home for a few days now and you haven't said a word about what happened." Jeff hesitated to gauge his son's reaction. "To be completely honest we're all a little worried."

"What do you want me to say?" Alan didn't know what his family wanted.

"You can't do this on your own, Alan." Virgil convinced. "Keeping all this fear and pain inside is going to killing you."

Alan smirked at his brother. "What's so funny?" Gordon wondered.

"Wesley told me the same thing." Alan ran his hands over his face.

"He was a smart kid." Jeff could see Alan was struggling. "You should take his advice."

"I'm not ready to talk about what happened." He decided.

Virgil and Scott shared a glance. "You're never going to be ready, Sprout." Scott had the most pull over Alan's decisions. The kid had always listened to his brother. "You have to let us help you."

Alan didn't speak. He was afraid to say anything, but nodded in agreement. "Let's get you something to eat." Gordon smiled.

Alan stood up suddenly. He was glad that the tension and focus was off him. When he stood the world started spinning. His brothers faces were no longer in focus and his words were static in his ears. "Virgil!" Gordon shouted as he tried to steady his brother.

Virgil ran to help ease his brother back onto the couch. "He's burning up." Virgil commented. "Prep the infirmary. We need to get his fever down. I want to get him on some fluids and antibiotics."

Virgil forced Alan to lie down until the infirmary was ready. Scott came and carried Alan down to the infirmary when it was prepped. Virgil would have kept him in his own bed, but wanted to keep a closer eye on Alan. The youngest had lost consciousness on the way down to the sick room. Virgil was finishing hooking up two IV's when the klaxon sounded.

It wasn't until the following night that Alan woke up again. He opened his eyes to see the pale white ceiling. "Oh crap," Alan groaned.

"My thoughts exactly," Gordon agreed.

The crimson haired man was lying down on the other cot next to him. "What happened to you?" Alan didn't remember Gordon being injured.

"I injured my back on a mission." Gordon informed. "It looks like we're going to be roommates for a few days."

"How do you feel?" Virgil asked Alan as he walked in the room.

"I'm sore," Alan confessed.

"I'll get you some Tylenol. You're fever is still up. It should help with both." Virgil got some pills out of a bottle and handed them to Alan before getting water.

"How's it going, Gordo?" Virgil handed him some medication. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain are you in?"

"Give me a muscle relaxer and I'll be out of here before you know it." Gordon argued.

Virgil ignored the comment. Alan and Gordon were both horrible patients. Having the terrible two in the infirmary together was going to be a nightmare. Luckily Alan seemed to be playing along for now.

"How are the terrible two doing?" Scott walked in laughing. Jeff followed close behind.

Virgil shot his brother an annoyed look. "Alan woke up a few minutes ago. He seems a little sore so I gave him some anti-inflammatory medicine. Gordon on the other hand is driving me nuts." He stated.

"Gordon, listen to your brother." Jeff scolded.

Gordon rolled his eyes. "I feel fine guys. It was probably a muscle spasm."

Virgil ignored the younger man's excuse. "You talk too loud." Alan croaked.

"Hey Allie," Scott took a seat on the bed next to his brother.

Alan shifted slightly with a grimace. "Why does my chest hurt?" It didn't feel like it was related to his injuries.

Scott noticed his brother's discomfort and helped him sit up. Alan started coughing violently at the motion.

"That doesn't sound good." Virgil noted. He came over and listened to his brother's lungs. "Do you feel better sitting up?" The doctor asked Alan.

Alan nodded miserably. He hadn't gotten a cold this bad in years. It came on so fast and was hitting him hard. "You still sound extremely congested." Virgil observed.

"I though you put him on antibiotics?" Jeff questioned.

"I put him on amoxicillin last night. He should start to feel better tomorrow. I'll give him an anti-congestion medication too. That will help clear him up." Virgil diagnosed.

"Can I please go back to my room? I would be more comfortable there." Gordon argued.

"If you can get up without wincing and groaning, then you can go back to your room." Virgil tested.

Gordon fumed at his older brother, but dropped the matter. "What's wrong, Fish Face? Did the artist call your bluff?" Scott teased.

"Don't you have reports to file?" Jeff reprimanded his oldest.

"I'll get it done later." Scott shrugged.

Jeff shook his head. "No, you'll get them done now. I expect them on my desk by morning." The patriarch ordered.

Scott followed Jeff out of the infirmary huffing. It wasn't a common occurrence that Scott talked back to their father.

"You should get some sleep." Gordon looked at his little brother.

Alan was sitting up against the wall staring into space. "I can't." He coughed.

Gordon noticed his brother's hands shaking. "It's okay to be scared, Allie." He comforted. He wished he could reach out and comfort his brother. Alan was obviously going to lose to the drugs affects eventually.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains graphic material and mentions of abuse and sexual assault.**

**CHAPTER 14**

Alan was there again in an instant. He could feel painful blade crossing his skin. It was taunting him to speak out. He could taste the blood in his mouth from the previous time he had refused him. He could hear him breathing on him. It was making him sick. The memories were a reminder that no matter how much his family pulled him close they could never full understand him. This is what he deserved. Dr. Lancaster had told him this as he constricted the boy's airways. Alan was in agony. Even when he knew he was safe he couldn't run from the nightmares.

Gordon was knocked out thanks to the medication Virgil had given him. He had waited until Alan had fallen asleep to let the drugs take hold. He shifted positions gently to get more comfortable now that his back wasn't bothering him. That was when Gordon noticed his brother. Alan was in the middle of a restless sleep. He was mumbling, tossing, turning, and crying. There were tears staining his brother's painful expression.

"Alan! Wake up!" Gordon shouted in hopes that the boy it would pull him out of the dream. The youngest didn't show any signs of rousing.

Gordon groaned as he pulled himself up. He was stiff from the position he had been laying in. Thankful he had very little pain in his back. The crimson haired boy sat down on the bed next to his fitful brother. Scott was the one who was good with Alan. He was the brother that had raised Alan and protected him from storms when he was little. Gordon had relatively played a small role in his brother's life up until last summer when they discovered the abuse. The only thing that Alan and Gordon had in common was running and pranks.

He gently shook his brother's arm in an attempt to wake him again. "Alan," Gordon continued to shake him.

Alan's eyes flew open instantly at the touch. He darted out of bed and crawled into a corner, ripping his IV out in the process. Gordon held his hands up and tried to get his brother to calm down. He didn't expect Alan to react that violently.

"It's only me, Allie." Gordon reassured.

Alan hugged his knees to his chest and burrowed his head into his arms. Gordon could see his brother shaking in fear. His hands were bleeding from where the IV's had been torn out.

"Gordon?" Alan's eyes met his intensely.

The blonde took a few moments to register what happened. He looked at the blood coming from his arms and started to gag. Gordon sat down next to his brother as he vomited.

"What happened?" Gordon looked to see Virgil running in.

"He had a nightmare." Gordon whispered. He didn't want to upset his brother more by talking about it.

"You need to go lay down. I'll call Scott to help me." Virgil ordered Gordon.

The younger man wanted to protest, but didn't want to fight. Alan was sick enough. Scott arrived a few seconds later to help Virgil with Alan. The medic decided not to put the IV's back in and opted for oral medications. He cleaned up his brother's arms and got him a fresh pair of clothes.

Scott simply held his brother to comfort him. There wasn't really anything to do, but keep Alan calm. What worried Scott the most was Alan's demeanor. The boy hadn't said a word to them or looked them in the eye.

"It's okay, Sprout." Scott hugged the blonde closer to his chest.

"I'm sorry I made a mess." Alan croaked.

Virgil smiled at his brother's innocence. He acted innocent, but the doctor knew he wasn't. Alan had seen too much in his sixteen years to be innocent again. "It's alright, Squirt." He reassured.

"How do you feel?" Scott questioned.

Alan seemed to be less congested and more alert. However, he was deathly pale and clammy. "I'm scared." The boy confessed.

The three older brothers shared knowing glances. Alan always said he was fine. The only time Alan had confessed his feelings was while he was in the hospital for pain medication and when Scott came to pick him up after the first attack.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Scott offered.

Alan moved away from his brother's embrace. "I don't know if I can." He pulled is legs into his chest protectively.

Virgil hadn't seen this side of Alan since he was ten. He looked so small and helpless. "What if we stay with you?" The medic suggested.

"We could pull some spare mattresses into the living room and have sleepover like we used to when you were little." Gordon remembered when Alan was terrified of thunderstorms. He would always keep swapping beds. Eventually the boys learned that Alan needed all of them in the same room to make him happy.

Virgil shook his head. "You aren't pulling anything anywhere with that back."

"I feel ten times better." Gordon resisted. "Plus Alan needs us."

"I'll go moved the mattresses." Scott got up and left the infirmary.

Gordon sat up to stretch out his back. He ignored the ugly looks his brother was giving him. Alan was still huddled up on his cot shaking slightly.

"Do you want something to help you sleep?" Virgil wondered.

"It's just a headache." Alan dismissed.

"It's probably from the vomiting." The doctor stated. "Are you going to drink more fluids or do I need to hook you up to an IV again?"

Alan groaned, "You act like I meant to throw up."

Virgil cocked his eyebrow at his brother's retaliation. "I never said that, Allie."

"You insinuated it." Alan debated.

Gordon laughed at his little brother. "Uh Oh, Sprout is using big words. We better go get Dad. He may hurt his brain." The crimson haired man teased.

"Tell Dad what?" Scott entered to notify his brother's that they could move to the living room.

"Alan is using big boy words." Virgil rolled his eyes.

"Watch your language." Scott lectured.

Alan complained, "I didn't cuss."

"He used the word insinuated." Virgil informed. "Gordon thinks Alan is going to hurt his brain."

"My brain hurt before I used the big word." Alan reminded.

Virgil suddenly remembered the lecture he was giving Alan before Gordon interrupted. "Do you want a water bottle or an IV?"

"Water bottle," Alan muttered as he pointed to the water bottle. Virgil tossed it to him.

Once they were moved to the living room and settled Scott turned on a movie. John was still up in five for the next month until his rotation was complete. Alan and Gordon took the couches on opposite sides of the living room while Scott and Virgil lay on the two mattresses in between.

Jeff was heading into the infirmary to check on his two youngest sons when he noticed the full living room. Alan, Gordon, and Virgil were all fast asleep. Scott was still awake and flipping through the channels.

"Is there anything on worth watching?" Jeff inquired.

Scott put his hands behind his head. "We have over six hundred channels and there's nothing on."

"When did you all move out here?" Jeff wondered. He looked down at Alan. He was curled into a ball hugging his pillow.

"Alan had a bad nightmare a few hours ago. He ripped his IV's out and vomited. We figured he needed some brotherly bonding time." Scott sighed.

Jeff thought about his son's words carefully. "I never should have let him go back to that school." The patriarch said aloud.

Scott's mind flashed back to the family meeting they had earlier that week. Alan had just returned home from the hospital. The boys had all confronted their father about Alan's condition. They needed to know what the police had found and how to help their brother move on. Right now all they had was random pieces to a puzzle.

_Jeff started, "Lancaster was found stabbed to death." _

_ Scott's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. How long did their father know about this? "I thought they searched the cabin, but Lancaster got away." Virgil asked._

_ "The police found him a few miles from the cabin." Jeff enlightened._

_ Gordon shook his head in realization. "They don't think Allie killed him, do they?" _

_ Jeff shrugged, "There is evidence to suggest that Alan was involved." _

_ "It was self-defense. That man held Alan hostage for three weeks. He tortured and molested him for years." Scott defended. "Alan didn't have a choice."_

_ Jeff held up a hand to stop his son. "They know that, Scott. Alan isn't under investigation. If he was responsible for the man's death it was self-defense, the police agree." Jeff agreed._

_ "Why didn't you tell us? How long have you known?" Virgil couldn't believe his father had kept something this big from them. _

_ "I knew before Alan even woke up in the hospital. John knows too that's why he was so frustrated with your brother after he came home. John was hoping that Alan would open up about that day in the woods." Jeff admitted. "When Alan didn't open up I decided it was best for all of us to understand the situation." _

_ Scott ran his hands through his hair. "You had no right to keep this from us." He growled. "We deserved to know what Alan went through."_

_ "I don't know if he remembers what he did." Jeff had been searching for hints from Alan. He figured the boy would have said something by now if he remembered. _

_ "How could he not remember stabbing someone?" Gordon felt defeated. _

_ "He was injured and starved. The kid was probably running on adrenaline and acted on instinct." Virgil explained. "Alan could have blocked out the memory, because he couldn't handle what he was forced to do."_

_ "We don't even know if Alan did it." Scott reasoned. _

_ "Chances are we will never fully know what happened." Jeff speculated. "The police have closed the case and ruled the death self-defense." _

_ "What about the media?" Scott wondered if his father thought about the press._

_ "It's been taken care of." Jeff pressed, "Right now we need to focus on Alan." _

The next time Alan woke up he was lying on couch in the same position he had fallen asleep in. He looked over to see his brothers still sleeping. Whatever Virgil had given him worked like a charm. Alan didn't feel sick at all. He climbed over the arm of the couch in an attempt to not startle his brothers.

"Where are you going?" A voice whispered.

Alan looked around to see Scott staring at him. "I have to pee. Is that a problem?" It wasn't a lie. Alan really did have to go. It was probably from all the water he had been force fed.

Scott didn't respond. Alan assumed he accepted the excuse and went back to sleep. Why was his family so freaking observant? Had they really become that finely tuned into his expressions that they could read through him? He was losing his touch. The less his brothers knew the better. Alan had already figured out his father knew the truth. It didn't take an expert to decipher what had occurred. Alan knew his father had been badgering the police for results since he was hospitalized. It was only a matter of time before they found the body.

Alan was walking so fast he didn't even see his father standing in the doorway. "Whoa buddy!" Jeff stopped Alan before he slammed him into him.

The blonde froze in his tracks. He assumed his father was asleep like his brothers. It was a stupid assumption. Their father had always been an early riser. "Are you okay, Alan?" The older man noticed his youngest avoidance.

"I'm fine," Alan tried to push past his father.

Jeff held his son's gaze for a few seconds. He could tell something was wrong. Alan was generally a master at hiding his emotions. However, he was caught unawares by his father's presence. "Don't lie to me." He insisted.

"How long have you known?" Alan let his composure slip.

Jeff was thrown off guard by his son's blunt line of questioning. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You know exactly what I am talking about." Alan argued. "You have no right lecture me about lying when that's all you've been doing since I got home."

Jeff looked at his son's hard stare. The boy remembered everything. "You do remember."

Alan casted his eyes downward to avoid his father's stare. "Why did you lie to me in the hospital?" He needed to know.

"I didn't want to force you to remember." Jeff justified.

"That wasn't your decision to make." Alan shouted.

Jeff wished he could get inside of Alan's head for a day. The boy was a complete puzzle to him. Why had Alan wanted to go back to Wharton's after he was attacked? When did Alan start remembering that day in the woods? "I was trying to protect you." The father explained.

"You can't protect me, Dad." Alan cried. "Don't you see that I'm done? I can't do this anymore?"

Jeff's heart broke at Alan's voice. This is the talk he wanted Alan to have from the beginning. "We are going to help you through this, Alan. You're not alone."

"Aren't I?" Alan vented. "You think because he's dead that fixes everything."

Jeff shook his head. "That's not what I said."

"When are you going to realize that I'm passed saving?" Alan released.

The older man placed his hands on his son's shoulders. "Never," Jeff demanded. "We are never going to stop fighting for you."

Alan crumbled against a wall in defeat. He felt like his life was being torn apart. His family loved him so much. He had fallen so far. Alan didn't even know who he was anymore. "I'm so lost." He admitted aloud.

"Things will get better son. I promise you that we will make things better." Jeff hugged Alan to his chest.

Alan couldn't admit his true feelings to anyone. That much had become painstakingly obvious to Jeff. He hid the abuse for three years until Scott forced him to talk. He hid his plan to rescue his friend. He hid the fact that had killed someone. There was no doubt that Jeff was going to need some help.

Alan whispered, "Do they know?"

The former astronaut knew who Alan was referring to immediately. "I told them after you came home. John has known from the beginning." There was no point in hiding the truth if they knew.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Alan apologized. "I was scared of what you'd think."

"It's not your fault." Jeff clarified. "You were defending yourself."

Alan rubbed his hands over his face. "How do you know?" The boy sounded angry.

"Alan, you cried when you stepped on a bug in kindergarten. It took your mother five hours to calm you down." Jeff smiled at the memory.

"It doesn't make it right." Alan couldn't believe his father was accepting what he'd done.

"What that man did to you wasn't right." Jeff rephrased. "He destroyed your childhood. I'm not going to blame you for protecting yourself."

"You don't understand." Alan refused.

Jeff thought about Alan's words. His youngest had a point. None of he would ever truly understand what Alan had been through. "Then help us to." He offered.

Alan shook his head. "The less you know the better." The boy stood up and stalked out of the room.

Jeff stayed where he was after the blonde left. He had gotten somewhere with Alan tonight. It hadn't been to the extent that Jeff hoped, but it had served a purpose. He now knew that Alan remembered everything and that he was suffering in silence yet again. Jeff had sworn that Alan would never have to deal with things alone after he found out about the abuse. It was obvious that he was going to need some outside help. They had finally gotten Alan's trust back. Jeff had no intention of losing him again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**Warning: The end of this chapter is graphic and goes into detail regarding the abuse and sexual assault Alan endured while in captivity. **

**CHAPTER 15**

Alan never felt comfortable talking to a shrink. He wasn't sure why. His brother's had to see psychiatrists regularly after accidents in the field. The older Tracy knew there were things that his sons should talk about, but couldn't with their brothers. Alan wished his family would stop trying so hard. Every week they would fly him to New York to talk about his feelings. It was a great idea if he wasn't Alan Tracy. At first the sessions all started the same. The doctor would start by asking how his week had been.

"I can't help you if you won't talk to me." Dr. Harrison reminded.

"I have nothing to say." Alan repeated. "It's not my fault my family forces me to come here."

"They're worried about you, Alan. You went through a very traumatic experience." The psychiatrist reasoned.

"I don't need to be reminded what happened. I was there." Alan snapped.

The doctor could understand the boy's hesitation. Based on what she had read about the investigation and heard from Jeff it made sense that Alan couldn't trust people. Jeff told her that Alan had begun to open up a little more in time. But that he was still suffering from nightmares and vomiting. In the past few weeks alone Alan had started becoming more irritable around his family. He had started lashing out and refused to be touched at time. It was one of the reasons Jeff chose a female doctor for Alan's therapy.

"How do you feel about your family?" Dr. Harrison had known about the family business for a while. She was working in a mental health facility that caught fire. One of the psychiatric patients had taken a lighter off of an orderly. The entire building collapsed due to damage. Amanda Harrison only survived, because of the Thunderbirds.

Alan shrugged, "They mean well."

Dr. Harrison smiled, "They love you."

"They feel guilty that I'm the one thing they can't fix." Alan rephrased. "Things were different before they knew."

"In what way were things different?" Amanda was glad to see Alan was opening up more.

"I was away at boarding school. I went home for the holidays and I barely saw them." Alan started looking at his hands. "They were always too busy."

"What are they like now?" The shrink was starting to understand Alan's point of view. He was sent away at young age to boarding school. The boy saw his family on holidays, but didn't have enough time to spend with him.

"I can't even go pee without one of them interrogating me." Alan revealed.

"Did this start after they found out about your relationship with Dr. Lancaster?" Dr. Harrison questioned.

Alan nodded, "It was like I went from the invisible trouble making teenager to the most fragile thing in the world in a day."

Dr. Harrison understood where Alan was coming from. He had dealt with his problems through friendships and secrecy for several years. But now that his family knew the truth they were convinced that they knew what was best for Alan.

"Have you thought about telling your family how you feel?" The brunette woman wondered.

Alan rolled his eyes at the suggestion. "Have you met my family?"

"Your family is a little intense at times, but they only want what's best for you." She encouraged.

"I don't want to hurt their feelings by telling them the truth." Alan elaborated.

Dr. Harrison had known the Tracy family for a long time. John and she had been on a few dates. She knew about everyone in the family except for the youngest. It was obvious to her that Alan was least selfish person she had treated. He constantly put his needs over those he cared about. He couldn't handle people being upset with him.

"What about your feelings? Are they supposed to take backseat?" Amanda wondered.

Alan wasn't sure how to respond to the line of questioning. "I don't want to disappoint them." He justified.

"You think that being abused made them disappointed." The woman restated.

"I think that they were disappointed in me before they found out about what happened." Alan clarified.

"Why would you think that?" Dr. Harrison interrogated.

"They never spent time with me before. It was all about the family business." Alan did air quotes around the words family business.

Amanda spent the remainder of the appointment attempted to connect with Alan. He was responding, but was far from trusting her. He seemed like talking about his family the most. Whenever she inquired about the abuse he would avoid the line of questioning. It was blatantly obvious that Alan was nowhere near ready to let anyone know the details of the personal trauma he'd suffered.

"How did it go?" John and Amanda had gone out to lunch. Gordon and Alan stayed at the New York apartment.

Amanda shook her head. "You know I can't discuss your brother's appointment, John. I'm trying to gain the kid's trust not push him away." She informed.

"We don't know what to do for him." John revealed.

"Your father told me about the nightmares and vomiting." The doctor added.

"It can't be healthy. We have to wake him up several times a night, because he's screaming and crying. Then he refuses to let anyone touch him. He vomits every time he has a nightmare." John ranted. "I thought that after Lancaster was gone that Alan would have some peace of mind."

Amanda listened to her boyfriend intently. "Your brother is the most selfless person I know. Give him some space John. I know you all are worried, but Alan is strong. When he needs you he will let you know. He dealt with the abuse on his own for several years. You have to trust his instincts." Dr. Harrison had learned several things about Alan that day. He may seem like a scared and confused boy, but he was more independent and intelligent that his family realized.

Alan and his brothers had returned from the mainland the next day. The youngest spent a majority of his time in his room. His brother's had tried anything from pranks to screaming. Nothing made Alan talk to them or leave his room.

Scott was heading to his room to get ready for bed when he heard the crying. It had become a regular routine for the family to check in on Alan before going to bed for the night. Eight out of ten times the kid was in the middle of a nightmare. Scott had learned that he could no longer touch Alan to wake him up. It scared him so bad that the boy would start shaking and pull away. He always resorted to turning on the lights.

Alan's eyes snapped open at the blinding light. He had been running through the woods covered in blood. He started hyperventilating immediately at the memory. He could hear someone in the room trying to get his attention, but he ignored them. The pain was too real. He could still feel the warm blood pouring over his hands as he jabbed the knife in. Alan shot up out of bed and ran to the bathroom. This was his second nightmare of the night. The first was even more graphic. He could feel the professor touching him. The hands running over his body making him feel dirty. The pain he felt when the man had forced himself on Alan was too vivid. He cried uncontrollably as he dry heaved.

Scott stood in the doorway as he listened to his brother. It was hard to see this happen again. He had already woken Alan up a few hours ago. He wished he knew where to start. Alan was terrified. He had started to live in a world where everyone else was the enemy. It was once again Alan against his family. At least before Alan would accept their help and comfort

After Alan emerged from the bathroom he curled up on his bed. "Are you okay?" Scott wanted to hold his brother. He wanted to take his pain away.

"I'm fine." The boy mumbled.

"You're the furthest thing from fine!" Scott lost his temper out of concern. "Talk to me, Allie. Say something."

Alan buried his head deeper into his arms. "Can you leave?" He whispered.

"No!" Scott closed the door behind him loudly. John was back up on five. Jeff was in New York on business. Virgil was at a medical conference all week. Gordon was in training for a marathon he was participating in. This was the perfect time to get Alan to open up without distractions. "I'm not leaving you alone. Not when you're this upset."

"Please, Scott." Alan begged. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can Allie." Scott reasoned. "I know you can. Let me help you."

Alan avoided his brother's eyes. Scott had tried forcing his brother to talk several times. It generally ended with Scott leaving the room disappointed. The brunette took a seat on the bed by his brother. "I don't want help." The blonde decided.

"We shouldn't have allowed you to go back to that school. If Dad would have listened to me this never would have happened." Scott thought aloud to himself. He put his head in his hands and broke down. Scott usually waited until he was alone to let his emotions show. But at this particular moment Scott didn't care. He wanted his brother back. He knew in his heart that things would never be the same for Alan ever again. That didn't matter to Scott. What mattered was Alan being happy. He sat there for a while lost in his thoughts. At this point Scott couldn't see the silver lining.

Alan could see the struggle on his brother's face. He had always trusted Scott. Scott had raised him after his mother died. He was doing this to his family. By trying to spare them of the pain he was causing them pain. Alan moved closer and rested his head on his brother's shoulder. He felt his brother wrap his arm around his shoulders and pull him closer. "I love you, Scotty." He said.

Scott hugged his brother closer and kissed his hair. "I love you too, Sprout."

Scott expected Alan to pull away, but he didn't. Alan allowed his brother to hold him for a while until he fell asleep. It gave Scott hope that maybe Alan wasn't as far gone as they imagined. He had a lot to work through, but he wasn't as disconnected as they believed.

The next morning Scott woke up with Alan sleeping next to him. He was surprised the kid had slept so soundly. It was miracle after the night he had. Scott repositioned his brother so he could get up and make breakfast. He figured Gordon and his father would be home by now. It seemed later than he usually woke up.

"I wondered where you were." Jeff greeted as his oldest come down the stairs.

Scott grabbed a cup of coffee. "I just woke up." He admitted.

"It's almost ten." Jeff knew that Scott was an early riser.

Scott shrugged, "Alan had a rough night."

"Is he okay?" Jeff wondered.

"I think we all know the answer to that question." Scott quipped. They all knew that Alan had a long road to recovery.

"Do I need to call Virgil or Brains?" Jeff didn't want Alan to become dehydrated.

Scott shook his head. "He only vomited twice last night. He slept pretty soundly after that." The oldest dismissed.

"How do you know that?" Jeff remembered that the youngest hid the nightmares.

"I slept with him." Scott revealed.

Jeff seemed to understand the hidden meaning behind the statement. Alan had let Scott in for once. He hadn't done that since he'd returned from the hospital.

That afternoon Jeff, Scott, and Gordon were surprised when Alan joined them for dinner. He didn't say much, but it was a big step from being locked away in his room. After dinner Gordon went to do laps in the pool. Jeff went to his office to finish up some paperwork and return phone calls. Scott needed to work on some repairs on Thunderbird one. Alan disappeared back into his fortress of solitude.

Scott was running some diagnostics on his bird when Alan entered. It was surprising for Alan to be seen twice in one day. "Hey Sprout." He greeted.

Alan remained quiet, but took a seat next to his brother. "What are you working on?"

"Thunderbird one took some nasty hits during our last rescue. I'm running some diagnostics to make sure I don't need to do some repairs." Scott informed.

Alan's presence was making Scott a little nervous. The boy was fidgety. "What was it like while I was gone?" He whispered.

Scott thought about the question before answering. "It was something I would never want to relive again." He revealed.

"I'm sorry." Alan mumbled.

Scott turned around to face his brother. "You have nothing to apologize for, Allie." He met his brother's eyes. "It wasn't you fault."

"I can't get his voice out of my head." Alan choked on the words. "It's like I'm living in this alternate dimension where the pain never ends. I keep thinking that if I hide the memories that they will drift away, but that only seems to make them more real."

Scott listened to his brother intently. This was the first time Alan had offered up information about the abuse. "Why don't you try telling me about them?" He offered.

Alan shook his head as the tears began to fall. "I couldn't do that to you. You would never look at me the same way again." He refused.

Scott placed his hands on his brother's knees. "Nothing is going to make me stop loving you, Allie." He promised. "How can I help you through this if I don't know what you went through?"

It took Alan a few minutes to catch his breathe. The boy was weighing his options. Alan had to work up all the courage he had to let Scott know what had happened. "I can still remember the first night he took me. I thought if I kept pushing him away or refusing him that he would back off. I was so pissed about Wesley. I wanted to make him as angry as I was. At first he would hit me when I talked back. He eventually knocked me out. When I woke up I was lying on a bed. He had taken my clothes off. I could feel the pain and the blood. Every time I refused him he would cut me." Alan started hyperventilating at the recall. "I remember him whispering in my ear, telling me that I was his to take whenever he wanted. I felt so dirty and sick. That's when he started choking me. He had never choked me before." Alan stopped and covered his face in his hands. "Every night he would come into bed with me. He would put his hands on my neck like he was daring me to reject him. The first few nights I did. Not that it mattered either way. He always took what he wanted. I still feel his hands touching me. I remember him forcing himself…" Alan started gagging uncontrollably.

Scott moved his chair forward and pulled his brother into a hug. He didn't want his brother to continue, but knew he needed to. He couldn't tell Alan was going to be okay or that he was safe. It would be a blatant lie. Scott knew better than to lie to his brother at a time like this. Alan deserved better than someone trying to downplay what he had been through. "You can tell us if we make you uncomfortable, Alan." Scott reassured. He assumed that was the reason Alan had been so distant with them.

"I don't get flashbacks with you like I do the others." Alan confessed.

Scott didn't know why he would be any different than their father or brothers. "Why am I different?" Alan must have some subconscious reason for trusting him.

"Do you remember that night I asked to stay in your room? It was after we bumped into each other in the hallway and I had that freak out." Alan remembered.

Scott nodded, "Yeah, of course I remember."

"I asked to sleep with you, because I had mistaken you for him." Alan revealed. "I realized that I was scared of you. I felt dirty and ashamed when you touched me and I hated it."

"Sleeping with me helped you differentiate me from him." Scott finished.

Alan hesitated and took a deep breath. "It reminded me of when I was little. I never thought of him again when I was with you. Not until I got back from the hospital. Then everything started to remind me of him." He explained as he moved onto another memory. "The nightmares are all so vivid. It's like they're happening over again. I can still feel the warm blood running over my hand when I stabbed him. I knew he deserved it. He was choking me to death. I though he wasn't going to stop, because I had ran away." Alan started to cough again. This time he did start throwing up.

Scott knelt down on the ground next to his collapsed baby brother. Alan had only shared two memories with him. It was enough to make his skin crawl. He was glad Lancaster was dead. If Alan hadn't killed him Scott would have. When Scott imagined the abuse his brother had suffered he thought about touching. He didn't want to consider that monster stealing his brother's innocence repeatedly. Scott continued to help his brother through the pain. It was all he could do for Alan at the moment. Hopefully, this had helped Alan trust him to protect him. Now that Scott knew what Alan was dealing with he could be there for him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds.**

**CHAPTER 16**

The following week Virgil had returned from his conference. The rescues had begun to pick up at a steady pace. Scott had told his brothers and father that Alan had come to him regarding the nightmares. Since then Alan had opened up and started spending more time with his family. It wasn't the same, but it was better than Alan hiding out in his room all day. Scott had convinced Alan to try connecting with the others like he had with Scott. Alan needed to know the difference between his family and his abuser.

Jeff and the boys had just returned from a difficult rescue. There had been a mine collapse. Several survivors had been pinned underneath the wreckage. To make matter's worse Scott had been injured. He had dislocated his shoulder while pulling a civilian to safety. Jeff knew his oldest would be okay. Virgil had already reset his shoulder and given him pain medication. Despite Scott being in pain he still argued with his father and brother about spending a few days in the infirmary. The field commander never said anything, but Jeff knew Alan was the reason Scott wanted to be released. Scott had been there to tuck Alan in every single night.

Jeff knocked on Alan's door and waited for a response. "Come in," He heard his son say.

"How was the mission?" Alan inquired as his father walked in.

Jeff sighed, "It was a bit more complicated than we predicted.

Alan knew the look on his father's face. "Is everyone okay?" He asked worriedly.

"Scott dislocated his shoulder." Jeff informed. "He's feeling better now that Virgil reset it, but he's going to need a few days in the infirmary to heal."

Jeff noticed his youngest pull back at the news. It seemed that Scott wasn't wrong in his assumptions. Alan was disappointed that Scott couldn't be there. "Do you want me to stay with you?" The father offered.

Alan shook his head instantly. "No, I'll be fine."

Virgil was exhausted. On top the rough mine collapse he had now been forced to drug his older brother. Scott made his intentions clear from the moment he walked of Thunderbird two. He was not going to stay in the infirmary no matter how bad his shoulder was hurting him. After a few hours of arguing Virgil finally resorted to slipping his brother a sedative. Jeff and Gordon had already gone to bed for the night. Virgil was thinking that sounded like a great idea. He just wanted to check in on Alan first. It was one of the first nights that the boy had spent without Scott for a while. The doctor cracked the door to peak in before entering. "What are you still doing up, Sprout?"

Alan was sitting up in bed reading a book. "I couldn't sleep. I had another nightmare." He admitted.

Virgil walked over and pulled up the desk chair. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked pretty sure that Alan was going to turn him down.

The younger boy closed his book and stared up at the ceiling. "I don't want to throw up again." He excused.

Virgil understood his brother's logic. It was bad enough having to go through the nightmare once. There was no reason to get Alan upset. "Are you nauseous?" The medic wondered.

Alan closed his eyes and placed his hands on his abdomen. "It hurts."

Virgil stood up and took a seat on the bed next to his brother. "Is this okay?" Scott had told everyone about Alan's hesitancy toward his brothers. The last thing Virgil wanted was to make Alan uncomfortable.

Alan nodded, but wouldn't meet Virgil's eyes. Alan generally wasn't in pain after vomiting. Virgil felt the boy's chest and stomach until he felt something along one of his brother's rips. "How much have you been throwing up?" Virgil pulled his brother's shirt back down.

Alan shrugged, "A few times a night. It was worse tonight, because Scotty wasn't here."

"Did the pain start before or after the vomiting?" The chestnut haired man wondered.

Alan thought about the question. "After, I think."

Virgil ran his hand over his face. "I think you have a stress fracture." He diagnosed. "I'll go get some tape from the infirmary and some pain medication."

Virgil ran his hands threw his hair as he made his way to the infirmary. He was exhausted emotionally and physically. But Virgil knew his brother was in pain.

Jeff and Scott were finishing up a conversation when Virgil entered. "What are you still doing up?" Jeff stated in concern.

"I need to tape Alan's ribs." The man enlightened.

Scott jerked up at his brother's words. He winced instantly at the pain shooting through his shoulder. "What happened?" Jeff gently pushed his oldest down on the bed.

"I think he has a stress fracture on his left side. I'll need to do x-rays in the morning to be sure." Virgil grabbed the bandages and pain medication.

"How did he manage that?" Scott wondered. Alan spent most of his time in bed.

Virgil hesitated, "Vomiting is the most likely the culprit. Alan's been vomiting constantly. The human body isn't made to handle that much stress."

"Do you need any help?" Jeff asked the doctor.

The chestnut man glanced at their father. "I've got it covered."

"I want you to get some sleep as soon as you're finished." Jeff ordered.

Virgil nodded before leaving the infirmary. Jeff watched Scott reposition himself on the cot to support his arm. "Why won't he talk to me?" The father muttered.

"He needs time Dad." Scott comforted. "It took him a long time before he opened up with me."

"I'm his father. I'm supposed to be there for him." Jeff huffed.

"You are there for him." Scott consoled. "You've done an amazing job since Mom died."

Jeff ran his hands over his face. "Your mother died protecting your brother in that avalanche." He remembered. "What have I protected him from? If anything I've pushed him further into danger."

"You've done the best you could." Scott reasoned.

"I never should have lied to him." Jeff admitted.

Scott hated his current position. He was figuratively such between a rock and a wall. His father was the rock in the metaphor. The man was hard and unchanging. Once he had made up his mind about something or someone nothing could change his mind. Alan was obviously a wall in every sense. Every single move the boy made was a push. Talking to Alan was like trying to break it down with a toothpick. Scott didn't like keeping Alan's feelings to himself, but knew his brother needed to trust him. It took Alan a long time to feel safe and comfortable around Scott. The oldest refused to betray his brother's trust.

Alan felt bad for keeping Virgil up so late. The man was obviously wiped out. He returned a few minutes later to tape his ribs. It was really uncomfortable at first, but he adjusted easy enough. "Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" The older boy ran his fingers through his brother's hair.

The younger boy nodded before moving over to make room for his brother. Virgil was surprised by the action. He hadn't slept with Alan since he was ten. Alan always went to Scott or John first when he was scared. Then he would come to Virgil or Gordon if the other two boys were unavailable. If none of them were around Alan dealt with the matter alone. For some reason the younger boy never did connect with their father.

"Virgil?" Alan whispered.

Virgil was pulled out his thought process by Alan stating his name. "What, Sprout?" He mumbled.

"Can you sing to me?" The blonde requested.

Virgil smiled at his little brother. The older man started humming the tune their mother used to sing. After they lost their mother in the avalanche Alan suffered terrible nightmares. Virgil used to sing Alan to sleep when he was younger. One of the only things that calmed him was Virgil's voice. He remembered being afraid that Alan would forget her. That was the last thing he wanted.

Virgil woke up the following afternoon to Alan's upchuck reflexes. He couldn't believe the kid was vomiting again. He had slept through the night with no major incidence that Virgil was aware of and yet he still vomited.

"Are you okay?" Virgil stood in the bathroom doorway.

Alan was clutching his ribs in pain. "I'm sorry I woke you up." The teenager knew how grumpy Virgil was if he didn't get enough sleep.

"You didn't answer the question, Allie." Virgil reminded.

Alan moaned, "I had nightmare."

Virgil smirked at the obvious statement. Alan only vomited from touching and nightmares. "I figured as much."

"Don't be a smart ass." Alan cursed.

"Watch your language, Sprout." Virgil scolded.

Alan eventually got up and brushed his teeth. Virgil waited in the bedroom realizing that the kid was not in the mood. Alan hopped back in bed after he was finished. "Do you think Dad's ashamed of me?"

Virgil's eyebrow's furrowed in confusion. "Why would you think that?" The musician waited.

Alan shook his head. "It's just something Dr. Lancaster used to tell me." Alan divulged.

Virgil took a deep breath before responding. Alan had never talked to Virgil about Lancaster or the abuse. Those talks were exclusively for Scott. "He was manipulating you. That man would have said anything to turn you against us." Virgil explained.

"I believed him." Alan started crying. "I didn't tell anyone, because I knew he was right."

Virgil sat up and looked at his brother. "Dad loves you, Allie." He pleaded. "He could never be ashamed of you."

"Then why did he send me away?" Alan snapped. "Why was I never good enough for him? What Dr. Lancaster did was wrong, but at least he cared enough to know me. He was there for me in a way that Dad never was."

Virgil was startled by his brother's accusations. "Lancaster didn't do the things he did, because he loved you." He reasoned.

"What makes Dad any different?" Alan couldn't tell a difference at this point. "Dad lied to me about the pictures, Virgil. He lied straight to my face in the hospital. He manipulated me to get what he wanted just like Dr. Lancaster."

Alan wasn't angry at him. He was angry at their dad. "Dad did the things he did to protect you, Alan. He had no intention of hurting you."

"I don't trust him." Alan confided. "I don't like being alone with him."

Virgil wrapped his arms around his brother tightly. "You don't have to, Sprout." He kissed his brother's hair.

Alan's words continued to play through Virgil mind. He wondered if Scott had known Alan's feelings regarding Dad all along. The sprout's fears weren't completely misplaced. Their father had lied to Alan and hid information from him. It was in Alan's best interests at the time. However, Virgil knew Alan didn't see things that way. At this point in time Alan's world was black and white. He trusted Scott and Virgil enough to talk about his fears openly. That was better than nothing.

After much thought Virgil decided he needed to talk to his brother's about Alan. Scott obviously knew more than he was saying. Virgil didn't want Alan walking around in fear.

"Hey John," Virgil greeted. "How's life in the stars?"

"I'm tracking a few storms on radar, but nothing too exciting. How's Scott?" The older blonde inquired.

"It's a dislocated shoulder. I'm fine." Scott dismissed.

"I didn't realize this was a family meeting." John's expression became concerned.

"It's more like a brotherly meeting." Gordon clarified.

John smirked, "What's going on?"

"Alan has started opening up more about the abuse he suffered while he was kidnapped." Scott recapped.

"That's good, right?" John was confused. "He needs to get it off his chest."

"That isn't the problem." Gordon interrupted.

John urged his brother's to continue. "Alan is scared of Dad." Virgil revealed.

John didn't know how to respond at first. "Why? Did Dad do something to scare him?" The astronaut interrogated.

"He has trouble seeing the difference between Lancaster and Dad." Scott elaborated. "They both lied to him."

John huffed, "Dad lied to protect, Alan. Lancaster lied so that he could hurt Alan."

"It's not us you need to convince, Johnny." Gordon argued.

"Have you considered telling Dad?" John felt like his father should know.

"I didn't want to upset him or betray Allie's trust." Virgil notified.

John considered his brother's predicament. He wished he come be home to help his brothers. Alan needed more help and support than they could provide. They never knew what was going through the younger boys head. Alan's thoughts were always a mystery to the family.

"If Alan is living in fear of Dad then we don't have much of a choice, Virgil." John pressed. "Dad needs to know."

Alan was lying on his bed trying not to move. He was on bed rest until his ribs healed. It was hard to be on bed rest when his nightmares were becoming reality. The vomiting had become worse since he'd been separated from Scott. Gordon had been attempting to help Alan through his nightmares. Scott was still on bed rest himself. His shoulder was still causing him a considerable amount of pain. The last thing Alan wanted was to make Scott worse.

Helping Alan through his nightmares had proved to be a difficult task. It didn't take long for Alan to fall asleep. The problem was staying asleep. Gordon could set a timer to Alan's nightmares. The boy never went longer than an hour without having a fit. The crimson haired man did his best to calm his brother down without causing him to vomit or hyperventilate. Virgil had given him strict orders. "Are you alright, Sprout?" Gordon sat on the bed next to his brother.

Alan nodded slightly. His entire body ached from the exhaustion. Virgil came in when Gordon called him. He set up an IV to give Alan some fluids and gave him some medication to help with the pain. Virgil had already talked to his brothers about Alan's deteriorating condition. At this point there was no physical way Alan could eat enough to keep his body functioning with the vomiting.

"I don't think moving Alan would help him." Virgil emphasized. "There are more things we could try before checking him into a clinic."

Jeff took a deep breath. "Dr. Harrison said that Alan needs professional help Virgil. We've let this go on for far too long." The patriarch reasoned.

"He's scared, Dad." Scott defended. "Put him in the infirmary for a few days. He'll talk to me."

"This isn't up for discussion." Jeff wasn't going to let Alan get sick. The boy had already been through enough. It was obvious to Jeff that Alan was suffering. "Your brother is in pain. We need to think about what is best for Alan."

"I am thinking about what's best for Alan!" Scott shouted. "How is it our fault that Alan can't trust you? Maybe if you had told Alan the truth about the pictures this wouldn't be happening."

Jeff fell silent at the revolution. "What are you talking about?" He wondered.

Virgil tensed at his brother's words. This was the last way they wanted their father to find out. "We wanted to tell you." The medic excused.

"Explain," Jeff demanded.

"Alan is scared of you. He doesn't see the difference between Lancaster and you." Virgil elaborated. "He doesn't understand why you lied to him."

"I was trying to protect him." Jeff whispered.

"We told Alan the same thing." Virgil started. "But..."

Scott interrupted, "Alan doesn't see it that way, Dad. In his mind you tried to manipulate him. You undermined his intelligence to get what you wanted. You lied to him to get a reaction out of him."

Jeff considered his son's words. "We will fix this."

"What about Alan's ribs?" Scott asked his younger brother. "We need to do something about the vomiting."

"Gordon is staying with him." Virgil explained. "I gave him some pain medication and a light sedative to knock him out."

"That's only a Band-Aid." Scott argued. "It's not going to help Alan in the long run."

"It's all we can do until Alan's ribs are healed." Virgil reiterated.

Gordon lay down on the bed by his brother. Alan was pretty quiet after Virgil had given him the sedative. The older boy placed his arm around his brother and rested his head on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Allie." He said it more for himself than Alan.

Alan leaned into Gordon. "Do you honestly believe that?" He murmured.

"I have to believe that you will be happy someday." Gordon reflected.

Alan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What makes you think I'm unhappy?" He questioned.

Gordon shrugged, "How could you be? You're entire life has been one disaster after another."

Alan considered his brother's observations. Was that really the way his brother's viewed his life? Alan never looked as his life as a continuum of attacks and pain. He could understand why his family felt that way. The avalanche happened when Alan was three. He still remembered every detail from the snow to his mother holding him. The youngest never told his family about the memories. They all had to struggle with the loss of their mother. It was better for everyone if Alan remained ignorant.

"I never meant to hurt you guys." Alan closed his eyes at the thought.

He knew that he was hurting his family beyond repair. It's not something Alan could control anymore. Before his family knew about his relationship with the former history professor he could dodge questions and ignore the problems he face at school. Now his one safe place to land was tainted forever. His dreams were a constant betrayal to his true pain and inner struggles. They were an alarm that showed his family how much damage had been caused over the years.

Gordon propped himself up on his elbow. "The only thing that hurts us is seeing you in so much pain. We all feel like you're going to disappear again." He cast his gaze downward.

"I'm trying so hard to forget and move on." Alan spoke evenly. "But every time I start to feel safe I fall asleep."

"I thought talking to Scott was helping the nightmares." The crimson haired man inquired.

Alan shook his head in denial. "He's just a really heavy sleeper."

Gordon was shocked by Alan's confession. Talking to Scott wasn't helping the nightmares. "What can we do, Allie?" He interrogated.

"I need things to go back to the way they were before." Alan resolved. "I need to forget what happened."

"You want us to ignore you." Gordon was surprised by the statement.

Alan smirked, "I want you all to stop worrying about me so much."

Gordon grunted, "That's never going to happen, Sprout. We've been worried about you since you were born."

"If I'm going to try, then you guys have to promise me you'll let this go." Alan compromised.

Gordon ran his hand threw his hair. "I'll do my best." He hoped that Alan would keep his half of the deal. Virgil had told him about their father's desire to send Alan to clinic on the mainland for treatment. It was obvious to everyone that Alan was only getting worse. Scott and Virgil had stood their ground on the matter and bought themselves some more time in hopes that Alan would come around. It was the only arguing point they had left to keep Alan on the island.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 17**

The klaxon sounded at 3:00 a.m. waking up the island's habitants. Jeff was sitting at his computer finishing up some work as his son's finished up the rescue. It was a difficult rescue that consumed nearly five hours. An uncontrollable brush fire had consumed a village in India that morning. It claimed several lives and left horrible damage in its wake. Jeff sipped his cup of coffee as he finished the reports. He wanted to be available when his son's got home.

"Where is everyone?" A voice asked.

Jeff looked up to see his youngest standing in the doorway of his office. Alan looked terrible. Between the injuries he received a few months ago, the nightmares, and the vomiting, Alan was a mess. Jeff had started forcing Alan to see Dr. Harrison several times a week. Jeff was at a loss. He knew Alan needed help, but wasn't sure how to help him. He had opened up to Scott, but that still didn't keep the nightmares away. Alan didn't trust Jeff enough to talk to him regarding his feelings.

"They were called away on a mission." Jeff stated. "They should be back in a few hours."

Alan nodded his head slightly. "Can you tell Scott I was looking for him?" The blonde requested.

"Is it anything I could help you with?" Alan had kept Jeff at a distance since their last conversation. Jeff realized that his actions had hurt Alan deeply. By keeping things from Alan he had pushed him further away.

Alan shook his head. "It can wait." He decided.

"I'm sorry I lied to you." Jeff blurted. "I was trying to protect you."

Alan halted with his back turned. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, son." Jeff turned Alan around to face him. "If it didn't matter, then you wouldn't be avoiding me."

"I don't know what you want from me." Alan shouted. "Do you want me to tell you that I forgive you? That everything is okay and I'll get over it? It's not fine. I'm the furthest thing from fine. You lied to me, because you were trying to control me."

Jeff waiting until Alan was done to start speaking. He could tell by the boy's posture that he'd been walking around with this anger for a long time. "Can I explain why I made the choices I made?" He hesitated.

Alan looked exhausted from the anger flowing inside him. "Do I really have a choice?" He snapped.

The blonde's balance faltered slightly causing Jeff to catch him. "Please sit down before you collapse." Jeff begged.

Jeff watched the younger boy roll his eyes at the request. To Jeff's surprise Alan walked over to the couch by his desk and sat down. Alan was stubborn just like his mother. He never wanted to admit the truth behind his pain or feelings. Alan was not only similar to Lucy in personality, but looks as well. He was a spitting image of her. She was extremely strong willed and fought for what she believed in despite the consequences. "I didn't show you the pictures or tell you about Lancaster's death, because I couldn't stand the idea of causing you more pain. You've been through too much. You've seen too much and I knew it would break you." Jeff confessed. "You killed someone, Alan. It was in self-defense, but it doesn't make the act disappear. It's something you'll have to live with for the rest of your life. I wanted to spare you from that pain for as long as possible. I promised you he would never touch you again, but I failed you. It was the least I could do to give you a few days of comfort and safety."

"I don't feel safe anywhere." Alan admitted.

Jeff took a seat on the couch next to his son. "Have you considered that maybe the island isn't the best place to be right now?" The father offered.

Alan considered his father's suggestion. "Where would I go?" He couldn't imagine his father sending him back to Wharton's.

"Dr. Harrison said there is a clinic in New York that specializes in abuse. They could help you." Jeff realized that he'd never asked Alan what he wanted. Ever since Alan had come home Jeff had been figuratively on autopilot.

Alan sympathized with his father's situation. He hadn't made it easy on the man. "You don't have to send me away. It's okay to screw up." It was obvious throughout the years that Jeff had resorted to distance as a solution. The more Alan misbehaved the further away he was sent.

"I want you to stay here, Alan." Jeff sighed. "But I don't know what you need. I can't let my selfish desires stand in between you and happiness."

"Why does everyone assume I'm unhappy?" Alan groaned.

Jeff wished he could spend a day in Alan's head. He had always been a dreamer. All of his sons got bits and pieces of their mother. Alan got everything. He was like a clone of her in every way. That was why Jeff couldn't watch him suffer. He couldn't lose Alan the way he lost Lucy. Right now he felt like he was losing his baby. "This isn't working, Alan. It's been two months since you returned home. We can't keep doing this every day. You're getting weaker and weaker and your brothers are getting desperate. Something needs to change." Jeff decided.

"I don't want to be sent away." Alan started to cry. "Please let me stay here."

Jeff rubbed his hands over his face. "You can't live in a constant state of fear and pain, Alan. You don't sleep through the night without nightmares. You vomit up all the food you eat. You are terrified of human contact. I can't ignore this Alan." He explained.

Alan hated how much he was hurting his family. He knew they would never tell him how greatly this was impacting them. "Give me one month." He pleaded. "I can try harder."

"You don't have a month left in you, son. You may be willing to fight, but your body isn't. The stress fractures are proof of that. I can't lose you." Jeff reminded.

"Why can't you believe in me for once?" Alan accused. "You say you don't know what I need, but when I tell you all I get is lectures."

"I don't think it's that simple. This is your life we're talking about, Alan, not a failed class." Jeff reasoned. "If it was that easy you would be better by now. I think we both know you need help dealing with what happened."

"Two weeks, if I'm not better then I'll do whatever you want. At least give me that." Alan promised.

Jeff nodded in confirmation. "I'll give you two weeks on one condition."

Alan didn't know what his father could want. "What's the condition?" He wondered.

"Dr. Harrison believes it would be beneficial for you have some time off the island and I agree. Choose one of your brothers to take you to New York for a few days." Jeff opted.

"Can't I go stay with my friends? They're on spring break right now. I could stay with Matt." Alan suggested.

Jeff didn't like the idea of Alan leaving the island alone without supervision. He remembered how Alan acted different around his friends. He was a different kid with them. "Why don't you take Gordon?" He pushed. "Matt and Gordon seem to get along."

Alan rolled his eyes. "I really don't need a baby sitter, Dad. John can spend the weekend with Dr. Harrison and I can take a bus to Matt's place." Alan argued.

Jeff snorted, "There is no way I'm letting you take a bus to Boston alone."

Alan threw his hands up in frustration. "You were the one that wanted me to leave." He complained.

The gestured reminded him of the old Alan. This was the Alan that was constantly fighting him on everything. There was a high pitched ring that interrupted the soon to be argument. Thunderbird five's video streams came over the monitors.

"Thunderbird five to Tracy Island," John signaled.

Jeff turned to look at his second oldest. "Go ahead John."

"Thunderbird one and two are prepared for landing. Can I give them the green light?" John inquired.

"They're all cleared for landing." Jeff nodded.

The screen instantly went dark as the engines from one and two hummed over the island. Jeff and Alan's conversation was far from over. "Why don't you want one of your brothers to take you to Boston?" Jeff resumed.

Alan shrugged, "The purpose of me leaving is to get some space, right? That includes people too."

"You two could get a room at a local hotel. You wouldn't even know Gordon was there." Jeff prodded.

Alan was becoming annoyed. "This is Gordon we're talking about, Dad. Smother hen in training. He's a little hard to ignore." The blonde pointed out.

Jeff wasn't going to let Alan off on his own. There are too many things that could go wrong. "I never said you had to take Gordon. I'm sure Scott or Virgil would be willing." He proposed.

Alan grunted, "I go alone or I don't go at all."

"I'll need to talk to Matt's parents before I give you a decision." Jeff resolved.

A swoosh was heard as the door to the office opened. "Give you a decision about what?" Gordon butted in.

"Alan wants to go visit his friends in Boston next week." Jeff recapped.

Alan held up his hand in protest. "You're the one that wanted me to leave." He snapped.

"I can take him." Gordon offered. "We need to make a supply run anyway."

"Your brother doesn't want a babysitter." Jeff informed them.

Alan couldn't believe his father was blaming him. He was the one that wanted him to get off the island. "You're not going to Boston by yourself Sprout." Scott scolded.

"Why not? It wouldn't be the first time." Alan bit his tongue at the comment.

Jeff and Scott shared angry glares at the youngest. "When have you been to Matt's house?" Virgil interrogated.

"I went on a school trip." Alan lied. "It was boring."

Gordon stifled a chuckle at the lie. Alan was horrible at lying when confronted. "You snuck off campus didn't you?" The copper head smiled.

"It was only one…" Alan stopped. "Okay maybe three times."

"When did you have these little outings? Please tell me it was prior to this school year." Jeff was fuming.

Alan didn't answer the question. "Alan?" Scott used his commander voice.

"I'm not so feeling good." Alan fibbed as he got up and attempted to leave the room.

Scott blocked Alan making him fall back onto the couch. "You better start talking, Squirt."

Alan avoided his family's furious glares. "We snuck out to go to the Annex. It's not a big deal." He admitted.

"What is the Annex?" Gordon asked aloud.

Alan ran a hand over his face. They weren't going to like his response. "It's a club a few miles from campus."

"You busted out of school for a night club?" Virgil found this hard to believe. "I don't get it."

"I liked the music." Alan confirmed.

"I agree with Virgil. It doesn't sound like it's worth the trouble, Sprout." Gordon agreed.

"Spit it out, kid." Scott ordered.

Alan really didn't want to get into this with his family. They would never trust him if they knew. "It's where Wesley would meet his contacts okay. Can we drop it?" He spat.

Jeff, Scott, and Gordon looked completely confused. Virgil on the other hand understood what Alan meant. "It's a drug front." He blurted.

"What?" Gordon questioned.

"Wesley would meet his drug suppliers at the club so they didn't know where he lived." Alan explained.

Jeff couldn't believe what he was hearing. Alan was involved in the trafficking of drugs. It went further than he had claimed. "I raised you better than this, Alan." He yelled.

Alan stood up at the accusation. "You didn't raise me at all!" The younger boy lost control of his temper. "I did what I had to in order to survive the school you shipped me off to."

"Drugs are never the answer." Jeff lectured. "You should have told someone."

"Wesley was the only person I trusted. He had my back unlike everyone else in this room. He listened to me. He helped me." Alan vented. "He never lied to me, unlike you."

Scott whistled loudly to break up the shouting match that was getting out of hand. "Calm down," Virgil whispered as he helped Alan sit back down. The blonde was shaking and falling apart emotionally.

Scott pulled his father across the room and out of hearing distance. "Did you know about this?" The man knew Alan had opened up to Scott on several occasions.

The brunette shook his head. "I wouldn't have kept something like this from you." Scott confirmed.

"That kid gets me so wound up." The father ran his hands through his hair. "He never said anything about being a part of Wesley's business."

"You never let him explain, Dad." Scott stated. "We need to handle this carefully. Alan's obviously been keeping a lot of things to himself."

Virgil rubbed calming circles on his brother's back to comfort him. The boy was shaking and pale. "Take deep breaths, Sprout." He instructed.

"I never wanted you all to find out this way." Alan mumbled.

"We didn't give you much of a choice." Gordon murmured.

Alan closed his eyes and let the exhaustion overpower him. "I didn't have anything to do with moving the drugs. That was all Wesley. I went to make sure he was safe." He felt the need to explain himself to his brothers.

"We know that, Allie." Virgil believed his brothers words.

"Dad doesn't. He wants to dump me at a mental institution." Alan ranted.

By the expressions on Gordon's and Virgil's faces they knew of their father's wishes. "That's not going to happen." Virgil promised.

"Don't lie to me." Alan requested.

"He isn't lying, Blondie." Gordon defended. "We are going to get through this together."

Alan leaned into his brother's shoulder letting the drowsiness overtake him completely. Virgil cradled his sleeping brother to his chest as he picked him up. Their father and Scott were still in deep conversation. Virgil could tell that Alan was in no condition to continue this fight. The doctor took the younger boy up to his bedroom and tucked him in. The rest of the family followed Alan's lead within the next hour.

It was late evening when Alan woke up next. He could tell by the sun's position in the sky. This morning's event had really taken a toll on him. Alan hadn't gotten into a fight with his father since he failed history. There was no way that his father was going to allow Alan go to Boston alone now.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 18**

It was late evening when Alan woke up next. He could tell by the sun's position in the sky. This morning's event had really taken a toll on him. Alan hadn't gotten into a fight with his father since he failed history. There was no way that his father was going to allow Alan go to Boston alone now. His father was eventually going to demand an explanation.

"He's in the office." John picked up on the boy's hesitation.

Alan sat down at the table across from Scott. Gordon was doing laps in the pool and Virgil was in his studio practicing piano. "You should eat something." Scott pushed the food towards him.

Alan was about to start eating when his father came into the room. "Alan, I need to see you in my office when you're done." Jeff stated.

The youngest moved his plate away as his father left the room. "He said after you eat, Sprout." Scott reminded.

"I lost my appetite." Alan got up and went to his father's office. He had no interest in eating when he knew there was a fight about to go down.

"Take a seat." Jeff directed.

Alan took a seat on the couch by his father's desk. "I think we need to talk about what happened this morning." Jeff reasoned.

"Are you actually going to listen to me?" Alan tensed at the desperation in his voice.

His father paused at Alan's words. "I wouldn't have called you in here if I wasn't ready to listen." Jeff informed.

"I never wanted you to find out that way." Alan apologized. "I'm not proud of what I did."

"What was your involvement with the drugs, Alan?" Jeff needed to hear the truth from his son. They all knew Alan had used drugs to deal with the abuse he'd suffered over the years.

"I didn't like Wesley going off by himself. I went to back him up. I swear that I wasn't involved in moving the drugs." Alan needed his father to believe him.

Jeff believed his son's words instantly. He was still upset to learn that Alan had kept something like this hidden. "That didn't stop you from using them." He explained. "You still think about using don't you?"

Alan looked away from his father's eyes. He hadn't told anyone about the urges other than his therapist. "I know it's wrong." He mumbled.

"Then why haven't you said anything?" Jeff demanded. "You didn't think that this was something we needed to know?"

"There is nothing that you can do, Dad." Alan blurted. "You can't fix everything."

Jeff studied his youngest intensely. "I don't want to fix you, Alan." He reassured. "I want to help you. I can't do that if you aren't honest with me."

"You weren't honest with me." Alan snapped.

Jeff could see Alan was becoming flustered by the conversation. Virgil had given him strict orders not to get Alan upset. The youngest was already running on empty emotionally and physically. "I made a mistake that almost cost me you." He divulged.

"It wasn't your fault." Alan excused.

"It wasn't your fault either." Jeff clarified. "Despite what you may believe none of this was your fault."

"If you're planning on sending me away you should tell me before I start to forgive you." Alan begged.

The older man knelt down to the boy's eye level. "I don't want to send you away." He comforted.

"Then give me two weeks." Alan pleaded. "I can do it."

"What about the drugs?" Jeff questioned. "You can't keep ignoring and hiding what's happening."

"All I'm asking for is two weeks!" Alan argued.

Jeff considered his son's situation. He didn't want to lose Alan again. There were two ways he could lose Alan at the current moment. Alan would never forgive Jeff if he sent him away. However, if Alan didn't start to show improvement emotionally and physically he could possibly lose Alan forever. At this point Jeff couldn't bear either option. "I need to talk your brothers about this Alan." He confirmed.

After Alan left his father's office he stopped in the kitchen to get something to eat before going back to bed. Within the next hour Jeff had gathered all of his sons into his office. He had already patched John in from Thunderbird five.

"What's going on?" Gordon wondered.

"Alan and I have been talking about where we go from here." Jeff started.

Scott crossed his arms over his chest. "You're not sending him away again." He stated sternly.

"We all saw what it did to him last time." Virgil added. "I don't think we can get through it again."

Jeff took his son's opinions to heart. None of them wanted Alan to leave. "Alan asked me to hold off for two weeks." He recapped.

"He isn't going to make a full recovery in two weeks, Dad." Virgil protested. "This isn't something we can put a timeline on. Alan can't live with the threat of us shipping him off every time he relapses. It will only lead to more secrecy."

"I agree with Virgil." John chimed in. "I heard about the fight."

"I don't think we can continue to ignore what we know." Gordon voiced. "We know that Alan is used to dealing with things on his own. Who are we to decide what is best for him? Alan's is the only opinion that matters."

Scott nodded, "Alan isn't seeing things clearly right now, Gordon."

"How do we know that?" Gordon debated. "Wesley was the one that kept Alan going."

"The drugs masked the problems, because Alan could face the truth." Scott reasoned.

Gordon shook his head. "Wesley was more than a drug dealer to Alan. I think we all know that." He snapped.

Jeff could see this discussion was getting heated. "That's enough!" He intercepted. "I think we are all in agreement that things need to change around here for Alan's sake. What I want to know is how?"

"Give him some space." Gordon offered. "Matt and Sam told me Wesley spoke his mind without holding things back."

"I don't think Alan likes going to therapy." John admitted. "He puts up with it to make us happy."

"The hovering is driving him nuts." Virgil enlightened. "He likes his space."

"What makes you say that?" Scott questioned.

Virgil shrugged, "Alan doesn't like to show weakness."

Scott knew his brothers were right. Alan hated to admit that he needed help. Scott had forgotten that side of Alan. The boy had been so open to him for the past few weeks. The older man had seen a side of Alan that no one else had seen. They had all seen the youngest pain and fear, but Scott had seen his strength. The courage it took for Alan to stand up to his attacker every day and never back down.

"Alan deserves a chance to handle things on his own." Scott agreed with his brothers.

Jeff listened intently. "What about Boston?" He asked.

"I still don't think Alan should go alone." Scott's opinion wasn't going to budge on this subject.

"I think Gordon should go with him." John suggested.

Jeff shook his head. "Alan doesn't want anyone with him." He informed.

"If the sprout wants to go bad enough then he'll get over it." Virgil pointed out. "Give him options."

The following week Gordon had submitted a flight plane for Tracy One to Boston. Alan wasn't thrilled to have a baby sitter coming with him. Jeff and Scott had stood their ground on the matter. This gave Alan no other option, but to pick the lesser of two evils. It was going to be Scott or Gordon. After the flight landed and they checked into the hotel Matt and Sam picked Alan up.

"School is boring without you." Sam greeted.

Alan snorted, "School is boring either way."

Sam laughed, "Yeah, but the comment made you feel important."

"He was practicing that all last night." Matt revealed.

Sam shot the older boy a nasty glance. "I thought you were on house arrest." Alan wondered.

"I was before I got moved last month. My new foster family doesn't care. It's all about the money." Sam explained.

Matt rolled his eyes. "Maybe if you focused on school work you'd get adopted." He lectured.

Sam groaned, "This guy has been on my ass all semester."

"Imagine that." Alan stated sarcastically.

"Where's your brother?" Matt asked.

Gordon and Matt had become close over the previous months. "I left him in the hotel room." Alan sighed.

"Why would you do a thing like that?" Matt pondered. "Gordon's cool."

"He's my older brother." Alan emphasized. "Cool is not the word I would use."

"I feel bad making him stay up in the room by himself." Matt admitted.

Alan knew Matt was going to be to be stubborn. He was too nice. "Fine, go get him." The blonde ordered.

Matt broke into a run and disappeared into the hotel lobby. Sam wasted no time in pulling a joint out of his pocket. "Want a hit?" He smiled.

"You have no idea." Alan nodded. "Hurry up."

Sam and Alan passed the joint around until the saw Matt coming towards them. Sam crushed the joint and threw it into the bushes. Matt gave them a thoughtful look before Gordon appeared beside him.

"It was only one joint." Alan whispered.

Matt rolled his eyes in disbelief. "I won't lie for you." He muttered.

Alan knew what Matt's comment insinuated. If Gordon questioned Alan about the pot the explanation landed on him alone. Matt used to tell Wesley the same thing. They were friends, but they had limits.

"Are you okay?" Gordon interrogated.

Alan shrugged him off. "I'm fine."

Gordon had seen the exchange between Alan and Matt. He hadn't heard anything, but had seen enough to peak his interest. They went out dinner and saw a movie before heading back. Matt took Sam home while Gordon and Alan went to the hotel.

"What's going on with you and Matt?" Gordon could sense the tension all night.

"It's nothing." Alan lied.

Gordon shook his head. "That exchange before dinner wasn't nothing, Allie. He looked pissed." The copper head man pushed.

This was one of the reasons Alan hated Gordon. He was hard to keep a secret from. Scott liked to assume the best of Alan. He took it easy on Alan, because of the situation. Gordon was the opposite. He held nothing back.

"Sam and I smoked pot." Alan confessed. "Matt doesn't like us using. That's what the look was for."

Gordon let his shoulders fall. "You guys were only downstairs for five minutes." He stuttered.

"Believe me five minutes is all it takes." Alan mumbled. "Don't worry it won't happen again."

"Was this what it was like at school for you?" Gordon hesitated. "Getting stoned every day and burning out."

Alan let his gaze fall to the floor. "Not every day, but most days." He divulged.

"We thought it was just the pain killers." Gordon said to himself.

Alan stood up abruptly. "You guys see what you want to see. I never told you the truth, because I didn't want to shatter this perfect image you guys set me up to."

Gordon ran his hands over his face. "Why do you keep doing this?" He shouted.

Alan took the heat. He knew he had dropped a bomb. "What was I supposed to say?" He rebutted. "I'm a pothead okay. Is that what you wanted to hear? Now you know."

"You think I want to know that my brother is a stoner." Gordon yelled. "Why do you keep hiding things? Are you really that afraid of us?"

Alan froze at his brother's words. "I can't do this right now." He started to leave the room, but Gordon blocked him.

"Answer the question, Sprout." Gordon stood his ground.

Alan looked at the floor instead of at his brother. He couldn't do this with Gordon. He needed distance. Gordon stepped forward in attempt to redirect his brother's attention. Alan took his chance and darted from the room. The younger boy was almost to the elevator when Gordon caught him. The red head grabbed his brother and forced him to the ground.

"Stop it!" Alan screamed as he pushed his brother off him.

Gordon held his brother against his chest as carefully as he could without hurting him. "You're not going anywhere Alan." He struggled.

Alan did his best to calm himself down. He leaned his head forward in defeat. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Gordon lessened his grip around his brother. "It's okay, Allie."

When Alan felt his brother's arms drop from him he bolted down the stairs. He kept running until he knew Gordon couldn't keep up. He called Matt to pick him up and sat down to catch his breath. He felt like he was going to pass out.

Gordon was pacing across the floor in the hotel room. How could he lose his baby brother? Scott was going to kill him. Gordon was brought out of his thought process when his phone rang. "I'll find him." Gordon promised.

"What happened?" Scott demanded.

Gordon ran his hand through his hair. "We got in a fight. I pushed him too far and he ran." The man admitted.

"John activated the GPS in his phone. It shouldn't be too long now." Scott informed.

"What am I going to say to him?" Gordon asked.

"Bring me up to speed here, Fish Face." Scott directed.

"No, this is between me and Alan. I'll handle it." Gordon reassured.

Scott sighed, "Are you sure? I could come down there."

"No, I've got this, Scott." Gordon committed.

Alan leaned his head against the wall in Matt's room. Matt's parents were out at a fundraiser until midnight. "Do you want to talk about it?" The brunette inquired.

The blonde shook his head. "I never should have told him." He criticized.

"You did the right thing." Matt commended. "Whether you want to face it or not there was some part of you that wanted Gordon to know."

"He was so pissed." Alan remembered.

"I think he was hurt that you didn't tell him from the beginning." Matt reasoned. "It doesn't take a genius to see how much he cares about you."

"You have no idea how hard it is at home." Alan revealed.

Matt snorted, "You're not exactly making it easy for them."

"I really hate you." Alan scuffed.

The next time Alan woke up it was the next morning. He had fallen asleep in the guest room not long after coming over. Gordon was probably worried out of his mind. Matt drove him to the hotel after breakfast. Alan hesitated as he knocked on the door.

Gordon yanked the door open instantly. "I'm sorry I ran away." Alan apologized.

The older man grabbed his brother and pulled him into his chest. "I was so worried about you." Gordon hugged his brother.

Alan pulled away as he entered the room. "I'm surprised you didn't come after me." He took a seat on the bed.

"John tracked your phone to Matt's house. I figured you needed some space." Gordon sat on the bed next to his brother.

"Did you call Dad?" Alan wondered.

Gordon laughed, "I called Scott."

Alan rolled his eyes. "How much trouble am I in?" He groaned.

"I didn't tell him about the drugs." Gordon divulged.

The blonde was shocked. "Why?" Alan stuttered.

Gordon shrugged, "Dad and Scott don't need to know everything."

The remainder of the week ran smoothly. Gordon and Alan spent a majority of their time hanging out with Matt and Sam. When the week ended the boys headed back home. Despite the constant nagging Gordon refused to tell his father and brother what the argument was about. Alan deserved to have some secrets.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 19**

"Earth to Alan, can you hear me?" Gordon waved his hands in front of the boy's face.

Alan instantly snapped out his thoughts. "What?" He looked around to see his entire family staring at him.

The family sat down at the table for breakfast. Gordon had been spending all morning pulling pranks on his brothers. It was only nine and the resident prankster had already managed to piss off all his brothers, except Alan and John. Alan was glad that Gordon had resumed his pranking ways. They bother Scott, Virgil, John, and Jeff to no end, but the kept Alan's mind preoccupied. John was safe up on five and Alan was off limits at the current moment.

"I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes." Gordon complained.

Scott rolled his eyes at his brother's exaggeration. "It was more like one minute." The older man clarified.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Gordon acted hurt by the correction.

"You did paint my baby pink." Scott reminded.

Gordon snorted, "You have no proof that it was me."

"Let's go through the facts shall we? John is up in five. Dad was taking business calls. Virgil was restocking the infirmary. That leaves you!" Scott accused.

"I was doing laps all morning." Gordon defended. "What about Alan? He's not that innocent."

Alan smirked, "Don't drag me into this. I learned not to touch Scott's things a long time ago."

"Gordon!" Jeff interrupted as he took his seat at the table. "You're going to spend your morning repainting Thunderbird one back to its original color."

"It wasn't me!" Gordon debated.

Alan was having trouble stifling his laugh. He needed a good laugh at his brother's expense. What better therapy than to watch Gordon suffer through painting Thunderbird one under Scott's supervision.

"It better shine by the time I get back." Scott ordered.

Gordon was mumbling under his breath as Scott walked out of the hanger. "I thought it looked better pink." Alan laughed.

"It was you! I knew you were being sneaky." Gordon threw the paint brush at his brother.

"You should have seen your face." The blonde joked. "It was priceless."

Gordon grabbed his brother and started smearing paint all over him. Alan started throwing thing back at him. Eventually they actually got around to putting paint on the Thunderbird instead of each other. They spent more time painting each other than getting Thunderbird one painted. Scott was going to be pissed.

"I miss this," Gordon admitted.

"Cleaning up dried paint? Yeah, it's totally the highlight of my day." Alan jested.

Gordon chuckled, "No, I meant us, you, and me, the terrible two!"

"We do make a great team." Alan agreed.

"Together we can rid the world of smother hens and mama bears." Gordon said in a serious voice.

"What did you do?" Scott yelled. "I was only gone for an hour! I gave you simple instructions and you couldn't even do that without making a mess!"

"It wasn't his fault, Scott." Alan started.

"You're a horrible influence on him." Scott lectured Gordon, "Letting your little brother cover up for you."

Gordon took the heat. The last thing he wanted was Alan to get in trouble. Alan had just started coming out of his shell. Gordon hadn't seen Alan laugh that much in years.

"I did it, Scott." Alan screamed over his brother rant. "I painted your precious baby and let Gordon take the blame."

Scott looked dumbfounded. He hadn't seen that coming. Alan had been so quiet since he'd returned from the hospital. "You better be happy I've already wasted my anger on Gordon." The brunette turned and walked from the room.

"Do you think he took it easy on me, because of what happened?" Alan blurted. He hated letting things slip.

Gordon thought about his brother's words carefully. "Probably," He decided honesty was the best path.

"I wish things would go back to the way they were before." Alan continued to help Gordon clean up the paint.

Gordon's eyebrows furrowed at the comment. "I'm trying, kid." The two youngest had grown closer the previous weeks. Gordon had done his best to return things back to normal for Alan's sake.

Alan hesitated, "It gets too suffocating."

"I felt the same way after my accident." Gordon paused. "You remember that, right?"

Alan nodded, "Yeah, they didn't know if you would walk again."

"I know I didn't tell you this back then, but you were the reason I made it through." Gordon's voice became serious.

"I was ten." Alan reminded.

Gordon could remember the frustration he felt. Between his father and brothers smothering him he had become lost. It was a long recovery. He had spent several months in the hospital. Every day was new challenge. The only days he enjoyed were when Alan would sit with him. His little brother had a way of making him invincible. Alan had looked up to Gordon. He never once saw the look of pity or sympathy in Alan's eyes.

"You never doubted that I would walk again." Gordon stated. "I never gave up, because I didn't want to disappoint you."

Alan was shocked by his brother's confession. He didn't think his visits had been that earth shattering. All he would do was sit and read to him while he was in the hospital. "I didn't know." The blonde whispered.

"I think that's why Dad and the others are all over you." Gordon explained. "When I was injured they could help me with therapy. There were ways to help me recover. But what happened to you…" The crimson haired man sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." He remembered what Scott said about pushing the limits.

Alan considered his brother's words. Gordon's explanation made sense. As much as Alan wanted things to go back there was no way to rewind. Too much had happened and his family wasn't likely going to get over anytime soon. "You can ask me what happened." He offered. "I may not be able to tell you everything, but I'll try."

"Do you think about it often or just during nightmares?" Gordon wanted to ask this question for months. How much time did Alan spend reliving his worst memories?

Alan was focusing on washing paint off his hands. They were primarily finished with painting Thunderbird one. At this point it was just conversation. "Since I stopped using Vicodin it's become harder, when I'm alone I think about it constantly." He refused to meet his brother's eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Gordon hated the idea of his brother suffering alone.

"Because there is nothing anyone can do." Alan said stubbornly. "I know you all want to help, but there is nothing you all can do for me. None of you know what it's like."

"That's why you have to talk to us, Sprout." Gordon lectured. "Dad's wound up and ready to send you to a clinic on the mainland."

Alan felt the tears start to fall. He was trying so hard to hold everything back. "I killed him." He blurted.

Gordon took a seat on the floor next to his brother. "You didn't have a choice, Allie." He comforted. "That monster was never going to stop coming after you."

"It doesn't justify what I did. I'm a murderer. Dad's right to send me away." Alan criticized. "I could have found another way."

"Look at me, Sprout." Gordon pulled his brother to face him. "That bastard got what he deserved. Hell if I was there I would have done a lot worse."

"I didn't mean to kill him." Alan elaborated. "I was trying to get away."

"Of course, you don't owe anyone an explanation." Gordon stopped his brother. "We know you would never hurt someone like that."

Alan collapsed into his brother's shoulder. He rarely had serious talks with Gordon. The man was mostly all pranks and laughs. Alan had seen a different side of his big brother, one that reminded him of Scott.

"I love you, Ginger." Alan teased.

Gordon laughed dryly. "I love you too, Blondie." Alan hesitated at the nickname. "Did I say something?"

"Wesley used to call me that." Alan missed his friend. He had never really told his family what a huge impact the stoner had on his life. The boy pulled his knees into his chest.

Gordon saw that his little brother was receding again. "What was he like?" The copper headed boy asked.

Alan smiled, "He was mess. Wesley had a way of making a joke out of everything. He was super smart, but too wrapped up in drugs to use it."

"His dad seemed cool." Gordon was glad that Alan had opened up to him. It was like nothing had changed. Alan was still there. The family just needed to be there for him at the right moment.

"I've only met him once or twice. He loved Wesley like crazy. It was probably the only good choice that guy has ever made." Alan informed.

"Have you talked to Matt or Sam since we got back? I know they're worried about you." Gordon could imagine Alan being forced to leave his friends behind.

Alan shrugged, "Matt's busy with school and Sam is doing god knows what."

"That has got to be the strangest kid I've ever met." Gordon chuckled. Matt had told him plenty of stories about the kid.

Alan groaned, "What have you heard?"

"There was something about eating things that should never be consumed." Gordon laughed.

Alan rolled his eyes. "I've seen him eat chalk, pencils, paper, and crayons. I still don't know what to say to him." The blonde shook his head.

"It sounds like the kid needs his head checked." Gordon suggested.

"Let's just say there is a clear reason why he is still in foster care." Alan enlightened.

Gordon missed this side of Alan, the kid that loved life and missed school. It was obvious what Gordon needed to ask. "Do you miss school?"

Alan seemed thrown off by the question. "Yeah, I guess, why?"

"Well there is no Dr. Lancaster anymore. What's stopping you from going back? Dad's been talking about some kind of therapy on the mainland anyway." Gordon remembered how determined Alan was to return to school. Even under the shadow of a growing threat.

"I can't ask Dad to send me back to Wharton's." Alan shot the option down.

"Why the hell not? You're safe now. Don't you want to finish the year with friends? Maybe some distance would be a good thing. You seemed really happy there." Gordon pressed.

"I wouldn't mind getting distance." Alan paused. "But Dad and Scott would never see things that way. They only way I'm getting off this island is for therapy."

"There is only one way to find out, Squirt." Gordon pressured.

Gordon didn't know why he pushed Alan into bringing up school. The older boy loved having Alan home. He knew they're time together was limited enough as it was. But he remembered how happy Alan was at Wharton's with Matt and Sam. Despite his brother's struggles he always made it through with the help of his friends.

It was a week later that Scott had finally succeeded in his mission of revenge. He had thrown both Gordon and Alan in the pool for crimes against Thunderbird one. He partially felt bad for throwing Alan in. Scott knew Alan had been through hell. The boy was still adjusting to everything. The older boy figured a little humor couldn't hurt. If Alan had enough guts to paint his baby pink than he was smart enough to realize that Scott would plot revenge.

"It's on, Scott!" Gordon splashed the older man with water.

"I'm shaking." Scott said sarcastically.

"Didn't we tell you?" Gordon exchanged mischievous stares with Alan.

Scott looked confused by the statement. It was never good when the two younger boys teamed up. "The terrible two are back!" Gordon hollered.

"GORDON!" Virgil came running out onto the villa. "You have crossed the line! I can't believe you glued my piano shut!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Picasso." Gordon was at a loss.

Alan started laughing uncontrollably. "That was totally me."

"Way to go, Sprout." Gordon gave him a high five. "I'm so proud."

Virgil and Scott did not look amused. "Get out and fix it now!" Virgil had no patience for annoying little brothers.

"It's not my fault Scott threw me in the pool." Alan excused.

"I wouldn't have thrown you into the pool if you hadn't painted my baby pink." Scott pointed out.

Alan shook his head. "But I'm depressed. How is it my fault there is nothing to do here?" The blonde complained.

"I could think a many things that could keep you entertained." Scott proposed. "How about scrubbing the birds down? Would that keep you both out of trouble?"

Gordon and Alan groaned as they washed the birds. "You should really learn to keep your mouth shut." Gordon scolded.

Alan squeezed the sponge over his brother's head. "Oops," He chimed.

Gordon picked up the bucket of water and threw it at his brother. "Oops," He mocked.

It was obvious that they were never going to get their work done. Much like the paint they ended up getting more soap and water on themselves than on the Thunderbirds.

Jeff walked in to see Scott and Virgil watching the two younger boys washing the Thunderbirds. "Oh uh, what did I miss?" The patriarch demanded.

"Alan glued Virgil's piano shut." Scott informed.

"Then he blamed it on his boredom and depression." Virgil recapped.

"We solved the problem." Scott chuckled.

Jeff watched the two boys messing around. In honesty Gordon and Alan were playing around more than they were working. It still made him happy to see Alan goofing off with his brothers. He couldn't remember the last time Gordon and Alan had pulled a prank together.

"What did Gordon do?" Jeff wondered.

"Gordon announced that the terrible two are official reunited. God help us all." Virgil mumbled.

"I'm thinking that John has the right idea." Scott confessed. "A few weeks stranded in space doesn't sound so bad now."

Virgil nodded, "We should just strand Alan and Gordon up there. Problem solved."

Jeff returned to his office not long after the discussion with his sons. Alan had made a complete turnaround since his visit to Boston. Gordon and Alan had definitely grown closer. Gordon still hadn't told his brothers why Alan had run away in Boston. He was still lost in thought when John popped up on his screen.

"How are things on Tracy Island?" John inquired.

"Things are normal." Jeff decided. "How are things on the rescue front?"

"I'm tracking a few storms, but nothing too troublesome. How's Alan doing?" John questioned.

Jeff played with the pen on his desk. "His ribs are on the mend and he's better doing better since Boston." He explained.

"Why do I sense a 'but' coming?" John smiled.

Jeff sighed, "It's hard to tell if he's really happy or putting up a front."

"Did you ever find out what happened in Boston?" John wondered.

Jeff shook his head. "Every time someone brings it up Gordon changes the subject." He informed.

John understood his father's frustration. Scott had been driving John nuts. The oldest had done nothing, but complain since Alan and Gordon returned. "Does it really matter what the fight was about?" John asked. "Whatever they fought about obviously brought them closer together."

"Alan is good at hiding things, John. He kept us in the dark for three years." Jeff reminded.

"Did you ever consider that Alan was making the best out of the situation?" John reasoned. "If you were hurt that way wouldn't you want an escape? Alan doesn't need us constantly reminding him of what happened. That's what his nightmares and memories are for. He kept things from us for the same reason you didn't tell him about the pictures."

Jeff considered his sons reasons. John did make some valid point in Alan's favor. That is why Jeff sought out his son's advice. John always managed to look at the situation from a variety of angles. "I wish your mother was here." Jeff admitted. "She always knew what to say."

"Everything happens for a reason, Dad." John reminded.

Alan was running as fast as his legs could carry him through the woods. He could feel the cold air nipping his skin and the pain in his feet as he ran. He couldn't stop. Alan knew what would happened if he did. He would be back there with Dr. Lancaster again.

Gordon was walking by his brother's room when he hurt the screams. Alan's nightmares had been improving since they returned from Boston. Every few nights Scott or Gordon would have to wake him up. It was better than having multiple nightmares per night. The vomiting had decreased as well.

Alan blinked heavily as he pulling himself out of the dream. "Thanks," He whispered.

Gordon shrugged, "What are big brothers for?"

Alan sat up and rubbed his hands over his face. "Are you okay?" Gordon integrated.

"I was in the woods again." Alan found that telling his brother's about his nightmares helped him discredit them. Somehow they weren't as terrifying if he talked through them. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Gordon sat down on the bed next to his brother. "Take some deep breaths and it will pass." He placed a hand on Alan's shoulder to calm him.

Alan followed Gordon's advice and hoped that the nausea would stop. "Did Matt tell you about Sam?" The younger boy needed to get his mind off things.

Gordon laughed, "He told me that Sam got arrested, but didn't tell me what he did."

"He got drunk and peed on a police car." Alan rolled his eyes. "He must have been channeling Wesley on that one."

"Explain something for me. How did Matt end up hanging out with you guys in the first place?" Gordon interrogated. "He's so straight laced, honor roll, big star athlete."

"Matt and I were friends before Wesley and Sam even entered the picture." Alan recapped. "We met at track try outs before the start of school."

"I thought Matt didn't do track." Gordon asked.

Alan shook his head. "He dropped it. Matt had too much on his plate from the beginning."

"So Matt and you were friends, then Wesley and you were roommates freshman year." Gordon paraphrased.

Alan nodded, "Yeah, then sophomore year Wesley put itching power in Matt's clothes. Matt switched rooms thinking that his roommate was responsible. Long story short Sam became Matt's new roommate."

"Was Wesley always a drug dealer?" Gordon questioned.

"He had been kicked out of a few schools for possession. Wharton's has got to be the only boarding school that would take a foster kid, a drug dealer, and a potential fire hazard." Alan remembered how he had been expelled from his former school for blowing up the chemistry lab.

"I was so relieved when John found that school. I thought Dad was going to send you to some military school." Gordon revealed.

Alan was in shock. No one had told him his father considered military school. "I didn't know." He mumbled.

Gordon realized the mistake he made instantly. "I'm sorry, Sprout. I thought you knew." He apologized.

"Don't worry about it." Alan shrugged him off. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does, Allie." Gordon comforted.

Alan immediately got up and went to his backpack. This was one time he was glad he had told Gordon about the pot. He dug through his bag until he found the left over joint.

"Alan! No! Not here!" Gordon scolded.

Alan ignored his brother and lit the joint. "Relax, Gordon. Everyone is downstairs." He excused.

"How are you going to explain the smell?" Gordon reminded.

Alan grunted, "I'll tell them it was you."

Gordon scoffed, "Like they would believe that."

Alan was almost finished with his joint when Scott barged in. "Don't you know how to knock?" Alan coughed.

"What were you two doing in here?" Scott interrogated.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 20**

Alan was almost finished with his joint when Scott barged in. "Don't you know how to knock?" Alan coughed.

"What were you two doing in here?" Scott interrogated.

Gordon did his best to keep Scott distracted while Alan got rid of the joint. "We were talking." The crimson haired man lied.

Scott crossed his arms sternly. "Why don't I believe you?" He could tell when one of his brothers was lying.

"Gordon isn't lying." Alan stood his ground. "We were talking about one of my nightmares."

Scott stayed silent for a few minutes considering his options. "What is that smell?" He inquired.

Gordon gave Alan an evil glare. "What smell?" Alan covered in hopes that Scott wouldn't press the matter.

"Were you smoking in here?" Scott demanded looking straight at Alan.

The younger boy found it ironic that Scott assumed it was him and not Gordon. It did make sense considering everything that had come to light. "It was one joint." Alan confessed.

Scott gave Gordon an angry stare. "You let him smoke pot." The look was worse than one of Scott's lectures. Those were torture. They lasted hours and were not pleasant.

Gordon tilted his head back. "It's complicated." He chimed.

"Get out! I'll come find you when I'm finished with Alan." Scott pointed at the door.

Gordon hesitated before looking at Alan. It had been a long time since Alan had been on the receiving end of Scott wrath. "How long has Gordon been covering for you?" Scott spat.

Alan couldn't believe he had admitted using drugs to Scott. He knew Scott would get it out of him eventually. He was good at getting people to confess. "Boston." Alan stated.

Scott seemed to understand what Alan meant by the word. "I'm going to need a bit more than that Sprout." He fished.

"The first night Sam and I smoked a joint. Matt was pissed and Gordon noticed. So I told him the truth." Alan recapped.

"The truth about what?" Scott pressed.

Alan was going to hate this part of the conversation. "Wesley wasn't the only pothead at Wharton's okay." He hinted.

Scott let his arms fall to his sides. "You told Dad it was just pain killers." He dismissed.

"I never said that." Alan snapped. "I let you believe that, because I thought you would be disappointed in me."

"That's why you ran away." Scott assumed.

"I thought Gordon was going to tell Dad." Alan explained. "I was scared he'd send me away again."

Scott took a deep breath. "He's not sending you away, Allie. We've talked about this." He promised.

"Forgive me if I don't have that much faith." Alan quipped.

Scott's eyebrows furrowed at the comment. "What's that supposed to mean?" He questioned sternly.

"It means that Dad doesn't know how to be a parent." Alan argued. 'If he did, then he would have to run everything by you guys first."

Scott was still confused by the statement. "Stop changing the subject, Alan. We're not talking about Dad. We're talking about you." He reminded. "What happened after the fight?"

"I spent the night at Matt's. Gordon gave me space until I came back the next morning." Alan paraphrased. "I figured he was going to tell you guys what happened, but he never did."

Scott could understand why Gordon hadn't told them. Having a secret with Alan made them closer. "Why would he?" The brunette questioned.

Alan hesitated at his brother's question. Scott should be killing him by now. Yet, the older man seemed surprisingly calm given the situation. "What?" He stuttered.

"Gordon got your trust, Alan." Scott elaborated. "To him that's more important."

"Does this mean you're going to take pity on me?" Alan pleaded.

Scott smirked, "I'm not going to tell Dad if that's what you're worried about."

Alan was surprised by his brother's mercy. This couldn't be Scott standing in front of him. Scott was straighter than a nail. "What's the catch?" The blonde wondered.

"You have to stop using, Alan." Scott ordered. "It's not good for you and quite frankly it scares the hell out of me."

"It's only weed, Scott." Alan clarified.

Scott took a seat on the bed next to his brother. "Do you remember Oliver Danforth?"

Alan didn't remember much from Scott's high school years. He was too young at the time. He did remember Oliver though. Oliver was Scott's best friend in from high school. After graduation they were in the Air Force together. They still hung out on occasion. He was a pilot for a commercial airline. "Of course, he's your best friend." Alan remembered.

"Oliver's little brother died of overdose a few years back." Scott stated.

Alan shook his head. "What does that have to do with me?" He didn't see the connection. What did this kid have to do with Alan?

"Owen started out using marijuana. Oliver didn't think it was that serious until Owen started experimenting with other drugs. But by that point Owen was too far gone." Scott continued to lecture. "I saw what it did to Owen and I can't sit by and watch you go down that road too. I need you to promise me you'll stop using."

It wasn't hard to see things from Scott's point of view. Scott thought Alan would start out on pot then move to other drugs. It made sense in theory. Wesley's father had started out on pot and eventually moved up to cocaine, ecstasy, and heroine. Alan honestly could see himself going down that path. But he knew Scott wasn't willing to take that chance. "I'll stop." Alan committed.

Scott wrapped his arms around his brother as he smiled. "I better go let Gordon off the hook. He's probably paced a hole in the floor of his bedroom." The commander stood and started to leave the room.

"Wait," Alan stopped him in his tracks. "You better take this with you." He handed him his backpack. "I don't think I could handle it right now."

Scott took the backpack and ruffled his brother's hair. "I'll take care of it for you." He vowed.

Scott stopped by the bathroom to flush the drugs down the toilet before finding Gordon. He was glad that Alan hadn't lied to him and kept the drugs. Maybe Alan was more on the mend that their father believed. Gordon was pacing the floor in his bedroom when Scott entered.

"Scott, let me explain…" Gordon started.

Scott held up a hand to stop him. "Alan told me about Boston." He revealed.

"I know your angry, but please let me explain what happened." Gordon begged. "It's not what it looks like. I would never let Alan..."

"You were right." Scott interrupted.

Gordon's jaw dropped at the confession. The field commander never admitted when he was wrong. "Man that kid really does have your number." The younger man cracked.

Scott smiled, "I made him promise to quit."

Gordon fumbled slightly. "Did he do it?"

"He gave me the rest of his stash." Scott held up the backpack.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys." Gordon apologized.

Scott snorted, "No you're not."

"You're right. I would still be lying if Alan hadn't spilt the beans." Gordon nodded.

Scott glanced at the clock on his brother's bedside table. "I'll ask Virgil to co-pilot three with me to get John." The oldest decided.

"What?" Gordon objected. "I'm fine. I barely inhaled anything."

"You know I can't take that risk. I need you alert." Scott patted his brother on the shoulder. "Go sleep it off."

Virgil was restocking the infirmary when his brother popped in. "Do you have time to get John from five?" He questioned.

"I thought Gordon was going with you." Virgil was surprised by the request.

"Gordon said he couldn't go. It has something to do with Alan." Scott breezed.

Scott's words concerned him. What could stop Gordon from going to get John? Scott was the king of detail and overreacting to every situation. He wouldn't be letting this go unless it was big. "Sure, we can go as soon as I finish here." Virgil agreed. "Is everything okay with Alan?"

"He had a nightmare and didn't want Gordon to leave." Scott lied.

Virgil nodded, but didn't believe his brother's story. Fifteen minutes later he met his brother in the hanger of Thunderbird three. Scott was abnormally quiet the entire flight to five and back. The oldest was always stern, but rarely quiet.

Jeff had allowed John to leave five on autopilot for a few weeks. The older man had a business meeting at Tracy Enterprises in New York in a few days. John had a conference at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida the following week. Plus he had been up in five for over a month now. John loved Thunderbird five, but he needed to be Earth bound for a few weeks.

"What's going on with you two?" John observed his brother's body language.

"Nothing," Scott responded, "Why do you ask?"

John sighed, "Your both eerily quiet. Is everything okay with flipper?" John remembered Gordon was supposed to be Scott's co-pilot for this trip. Maybe Gordon had gotten in trouble for a prank. It made sense after all the stories he'd heard from his father.

Virgil laughed at his brother's nickname. Everyone always teased Gordon about his love for water. "He's fine. Alan had a nightmare and asked Gordon stay with him." Virgil informed.

"How is Allie doing?" John remembered how much Alan was struggling before he left to man five again. It killed him when his father ordered him to return to five. John knew Alan wasn't handling things well. How could he? The kid had killed someone.

"He's doing a lot better." Scott replied. "The nightmares have improved and the vomiting has stopped."

"That's great." John smiled. "Dad made it sound like Alan was struggling."

"He was up until Boston." Virgil explained. "Then he did a complete one eighty turnaround when he got back."

"Did Gordon ever tell you guys what happened in Boston?" John questioned.

John noticed Scott stiffen his grip on the controls. The oldest obviously knew more than he was saying.

Virgil shrugged, "Alan and him avoid the subject."

"Scott knows something." John pushed.

"Seriously? How do you do that?" Scott said in annoyance.

Virgil and John chuckled at their brother's frustration. "Call it a special gift. Like how you can sense when one of us is hurt from miles away and Virgil can tell when we're pretending to be asleep." John boasted.

"So what do you know?" Virgil urged. "I've been bothering Gordon for weeks and getting nowhere. I even had Kyrano drain the pools."

"I know what happened in Boston, but you guys can't tell Dad. I made a deal with Alan that this would stay a secret." Scott warned.

"Yeah, scouts honor, now spit it out." Virgil teased.

Scott sent his younger brother a scolding look. "Alan told Gordon that he smokes marijuana. That's what they fought about in Boston." Scott finished. "I caught Alan smoking in his room this afternoon. Gordon was with him."

"How could Gordon be so stupid?" Virgil cursed.

John's eyebrows arched at Virgil accusation. "It's sounds like Alan was the stupid one. What the hell is that kid thinking?" The blonde muttered.

"Don't blame Gordon. He was making trying to earn Alan's trust by keeping this a secret." Scott stood up for his brother.

Virgil had imagined several scenarios in his head. They had ranged from Alan having a boyfriend or girlfriend to him having some incurable disease. He had also considered drug abuse. Alan openly admitted to being involved with Wesley's business meetings. It made sense that the secret would be drug related. "I hope you ripped him a new one."

"It wasn't Gordon's fault, Virgil." Scott protested.

"He never should have kept something like this from us." Virgil argued.

John hated to agree with Virgil, but he could see both sides to the argument. Gordon had been trying to gain Alan's trust since he was sent to Wharton's freshman year. If John had been in Gordon's shoes he would have kept Alan's secret too. Alan obviously needed to let someone in. "Virgil, what's done is done." John settled.

"What deal did you make with Alan?" Virgil remembered Scott forcing them to keep the secret before telling them.

"I made him promise to quit." Scott resolved.

"There's a huge difference between words and action." John quipped.

Shortly after Scott and Virgil started the landing sequence. They were about thirty minutes away and were preparing for arrival. Scott stayed to finish the post flight checks while John and Virgil left the hanger.

"It's good to see you Earth bound." Jeff greeted his second oldest with a hug.

"You have no idea." John returned the embrace. "Where are Gordon and Alan?"

Jeff shrugged his shoulders. "I haven't seen them since you left."

Virgil went to help Scott finish the post flight checks. Jeff returned to his office to finish up some business calls. John left to go track his two youngest brothers down. There is no way those two could be up to anything good. The blonde checked Gordon's bedroom first. The red head was fast asleep and snoring loudly in his bed. John found Alan on the beach reading a book.

"Hey Sprout!" John greeted.

"Johnny?" Alan got up and hugged his brother. "What are you doing here? I thought you were stuck on five."

"I put her on auto for a while." John informed. "Dad is going to New York for a few weeks. He wanted us all Earth bound for rescues."

"He never told me he was going to New York." Alan commented.

John didn't know what to say. Was there some reason his father didn't want Alan to know about his plans? "He probably didn't want to bother you. It's for business." The older blonde offered.

"When isn't it about business?" Alan remarked.

John could sense the sarcasm, but decided not to push. "That's enough about Dad and work. I want to hear about what's going on with you." He waited for his brother to respond.

"Not much really, just school work." Alan remained brief.

"What about Boston?" John wondered. "How were your friends?"

Alan stood up and wiped the sand off his clothes. "Scott really should learn to keep his mouth shut." He snapped.

"What are you talking about?" John acted innocent.

Alan rolled his eyes. "He told you and Virgil. How stupid do you think I am?" He reminded.

John put his hands on his brother's shoulders. "It's okay, Alan. We're not going to tell Dad." He promised.

Alan laughed at the idea. "Maybe you should." He challenged. "Cause if Scott thinks I'm holding up my end of the deal now he's crazy."

John ran his fingers threw his hair in frustration. That was not the way he saw that conversation going. How had the kid caught on so fast? Scott was going to kill him.

Scott, Virgil, and Gordon were in the kitchen eating breakfast when Alan stomped in angrily. "You lied to me!" Alan yelled at Scott.

"What?" Scott was confused.

John walked in behind Alan and shrugged in apology. "You told me you weren't going to tell anyone." Alan restated.

Scott stood up and attempted to calm his brother down. "They deserved to know, Allie." He reasoned.

Alan pulled out of his brother's grip. "I thought I could trust you." He shouted. "I thought you had my back."

"I do, Sprout." Scott corrected.

Gordon went to stand by Alan. This was the reason he decided against telling his brother's Alan's secret. Scott was a fixer. He liked meddling in his brother's lives, whether it was his business or not. "Our deal is off." Alan turned around and retreated to his room.

"Can you honestly blame him?" Gordon followed Alan up the stairs.

Scott sighed, "I guess I should be happy he asked me to flush his stash."

Virgil shook his head. "Do you honestly believe Alan handed it all over?" The doctor inquired.

"I can hope." Scott prayed.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 21**

Alan and Gordon were bored out of their minds. They had spent the entire afternoon crumbling up notebook paper and attempting to make baskets into the trashcan. "I'm bored." Gordon groaned.

Alan threw his paper ball up into the air and let it fall to the floor. "I'm starving." Alan complained.

"We should just go downstairs." Gordon suggested. "We don't have to talk to them."

Alan shrugged, "I guess we don't have a choice."

The two youngest were getting something to eat when John walked in. "Hey, can we talk for a minute?" He asked Alan.

"There's nothing to talk about." Alan snapped as he stormed out of the room.

Scott and Virgil trailed in behind John. They all looked disappointed at Alan's reaction. The older boys decided to let John do the talking. If Alan was going to listen to anyone at this point it would be John.

Gordon rolled his eyes at his brothers. "Do you know how long it took me to calm him down?" He fumed.

"I never meant to hurt him." Scott justified.

"It's not you he's mad at." Gordon informed.

All the older boys were confused by the statement. Alan was furious with Scott. "You don't have to spare my feelings, Gordon. I know I screwed up." Scott admitted.

Gordon shook his head in denial. "You really don't get it do you?" He questioned. "Alan isn't mad at you. Alan's mad at himself."

"Why would Alan be mad at himself?" Virgil wondered.

"It doesn't take a genius to see he's struggling." Gordon enthused. "He lost his best friend."

To say that Alan was fine would be a vast understatement. He had lost all semblance of control as soon as he slammed his door closed. He had trashed everything. Alan threw things all over the room, pulled things off the walls, and pushed things off the furniture. He even considered flipping the furniture at one point. Finally, Alan sat down on the floor against a wall. It seemed like hours had passed before he heard a knock at his door.

Alan looked up to see his oldest brother looking down at him. "Are you okay?" Scott glanced at the mess in front of him.

"Just leave me alone." Alan pulled his knees into his chest.

Scott knelt down to his brother's level carefully. "Alan, I'm sorry." He apologized.

"Go away!" Alan insisted.

Scott continued to scan the room before turning to leave. Alan had done some major damage. Their father had always compared Alan to a hurricane. He was reckless and unpredictable, but had a calm center that was rarely seen. Scott had rarely been on Alan's bad side. He had handled Alan's temper enough to know how to calm him. Right now Alan was not happy with him.

"How did it go?" John inquired as Scott descended the stairs.

Scott shot them an evil glare. "That good, huh?" Virgil smirked.

"He trashed his room." Scott stated as he poured himself a scotch. He needed something after dealing with Alan's wreckage.

"Sounds like the fish stick was right for once." Virgil muttered.

Scott looked around noticing the younger man's absence. "Where is the water boy anyway?" He asked curiously.

"He's doing laps." John responded.

"What are we going to do?" Virgil felt defeated.

John stood up, "I'll go talk to him."

"That didn't work out so great last time." Virgil pointed out.

"I've been stuck up on five for months." John reminded. "Let me take one for the team."

John didn't knock when he reached his brother's room. Alan was sitting on the floor against wall across from his bed. Scott hadn't been lying about the condition of his room. The only part that wasn't trashed was the furniture. John took a seat on the floor next to his brother. Based on the boy's demeanor John could tell Alan noticed his presence.

"Did it make you feel better?" John questioned.

The older blonde could see that Alan had been crying. "Not in the slightest." His voice was monotone.

John wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Alan shook his head. "You wouldn't understand." He rejected.

"It's okay to make mistakes, Sprout." John comforted. "Nobody's perfect."

"Okay please stop before I barf." Alan said sarcastically.

John laughed, "I missed you."

"I'm sorry I bit your head off earlier." Alan sighed. "It wasn't you I was mad at."

"It's not Scott you're mad at either." John reasoned. "He's just a convenient target."

Alan thought about his brother's words. He knew deep down that Scott hadn't intended to betray his trust. Scott had been walking around on egg shells around Alan since he returned from the hospital. John was right. Scott didn't deserve his rage. He wasn't the reason Alan's life was a mess. He wasn't the reason Alan felt the need to trash his room.

"It's okay to hate him, Alan." John coached.

The younger boy didn't need to ask who John was referring to. It was obvious that he was referring to Dr. Lancaster. Alan hated him. He hated his memories of the man. He hated the fact that Dr. Lancaster got to die while he was forced to live with the pain. It frustrated him that Dr. Lancaster still had so much control over his life.

John was surprised that Alan hadn't blown up sooner. He was bomb of repressed hatred. Never once had Alan blamed anyone for the abuse. John knew that Alan needed to admit how much this had ruined his life. The older man could feel his brother shaking bedside him. He was glad to see Alan had grown more comfortable with touching since he left. "You didn't do anything wrong." John consoled.

Alan collapsed into his brother's chest and broke into pieces. He clung to John's shirt like it was the only thing keeping him together. John ran his fingers threw his brothers hair to comfort him. It took Alan a while to calm down. John had no idea how long he'd been up in his brother's room. But he knew it was worth every second. All of John's brothers had helped Alan move passed what had happened to him. John was the only one that hadn't forged that connection. It was one of the unfortunate downsides to being up on five.

"Do you want some help?" John offered when his brother got up to put his room back together.

"It's okay." Alan refused. "I've got it covered."

"Are you sure?" John double checked.

"Actually, can you send Scott up?" Alan requested. "I owe him an apology."

John nodded, "Sure thing, Sprout."

Scott was surprised when John had told him Alan wanted to see him. Alan had been furious with him an hour ago. Had John really gotten Alan to calm down that fast? Apparently lie detecting wasn't the only gift his brother had.

"John said you wanted to see me." Scott didn't know where to start. Part of him was expecting Alan to throw something at him.

Alan was cleaning up his room when Scott entered. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't you I was angry at." The blonde apologized.

Scott smiled, "You were right, Allie. I never should have told Virgil and John without talking to you first. It was your secret to tell not mine."

"I forgive you." Alan accepted.

Scott was convinced that John should have been a psychiatrist instead of an astronaut. Alan never admitted when he was wrong. It was one of the things that frustrated their father to no end. Scott wished he was here so he could see Alan for who he was now. "Why did you do it, Sprout?" He pointed to the room.

"I was pissed." Alan defended.

"I've seen you pissed, Alan. That wasn't pissed that was out of control." Scott prodded. "What's wrong?"

Alan took a seat on his bed to catch his breath. "I hate him." The youngest vented. "I hate that he got away with everything he did to me. I hate that he still has so much control over my life."

Scott could sympathize with Alan's feelings. The family never discussed Dr. Lancaster's death. That was just the Tracy way. There was no justice or clarity. He never got to see Dr. Lancaster suffer for his crimes. Alan didn't get to tell his side of the story. He wasn't able to look the monster in the face and say he had won. There was no running away or happy ending for Alan. He was going to have to face his fears every day for the rest of his life. Scott thought that by ignoring the elephant in the room Alan would be able to move past things. But even ignoring the facts didn't make them disappear. Scott was frustrated and agitated beyond belief. He couldn't bring himself to move past what he had failed to see over the years. "The world is a better place with that man in the ground." Scott spoke his mind. "You were never going to be safe, Allie. No jail sentence that monster would get was going to be long enough for me. I would have killed him before I allowed him to be in the same state as you again."

"I don't know what you guys expect from me." Alan looked defeated. "What am I supposed to do?"

Scott knelt down in front of his brother. Alan was starting to shake with the reality of it all. "We want you to start over and follow your heart. Leave the past where it belongs and live your life." He begged.

"I can't do that here." Alan revealed. "There are too many reminders."

"Then you have to leave." Scott suggested. "You need to think about what's best for you. Don't worry about us."

"I want to go back to school with my friends." Alan openly admitted. "But I don't want us to drift apart again."

Scott didn't like Alan's decision in the slightest. But this was bigger than his personal feelings. This was about getting Alan back. Whether their father was willing to admit the truth or not Alan needed to face this alone. Scott knew that their father only digging himself deeper with Alan. Eventually things were going to implode and Alan was going to break.

"One of us can come with you." A voice spoke. Scott turned around to see Virgil and John standing in the door.

Alan shook his head. "What about International Rescue? I couldn't ask you to leave it all behind." He excused.

"I was considering taking some time off anyway." John divulged. "I need some time to get finish my book." It was true. John had been considering taking leave since he met Amanda. He had gotten an amazing teaching job at his alumna mater, Harvard University. They had been pounding him with offers since his first book was published.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain doctor, would it Johnny?" Virgil smirked.

"It is incredibly difficult to maintain a relationship when you work in space." John added. "But there are other reasons. I was offered a teaching position at Harvard."

"That's great!" Virgil congratulated. "Why didn't you say anything?"

John hesitated, "I wasn't sure I wanted to take it. I knew that it meant leaving the Thunderbirds and the Island."

"You would really move to Massachusetts for me?" Alan questioned.

John nodded, "It's not completely selfless. I have been considering this for a while now."

Alan couldn't believe one of his brother's was willing to leave IR for him. He still wasn't entirely convinced their father would approve. But as Gordon pointed out several times, it would come in handy having a brother on the mainland. John could commute to New York to handle business for Tracy Enterprises and teach a few days a week at Harvard in Massachusetts. Alan knew John had been considering proposing to Dr. Harrison for a while. She was perfect for him.

The week that followed passed by with no major events. Alan managed to put his room back together with the help of his brothers. Their father returned from New York early in the morning and joined the boys for breakfast.

"How was your week?" Jeff inquired. "Any rescues?"

"There was a bridge collapse in Tokyo and a dust storm in India." Scott informed. "They both went smooth with minimal complications. The reports are on your desk."

"That's good news." Jeff agreed.

"When you get settled in I wanted to run something passed you." John prompted.

Jeff remained silent as he looked to his second oldest. "What did you want to talk about?" The patriarch attempted to ignore the stares of his younger sons. Apparently this talk had been passed around the group before it landed in front of him.

"I wanted to talk to about taking leave from International Rescue." John stated firmly.

The oldest Tracy instantly became concerned. John loved IR. What could possibly cause him to leave? "What's this about son?" Jeff asked.

"There are several reasons, Sir." John told the man point blank. "I got offered a teaching position at Harvard. It would give me time to finish my book. I could commute to New York for business matters."

"And you would be closer to Amanda." Jeff interrupted with a smile. "I understand. When do you plan on leaving?"

"I told the president I would be in Massachusetts at the start of April." John recapped.

"That's in two weeks." Gordon blurted without thinking. That meant only two weeks before Alan and John would be gone.

"Dad, you should know that I have another motive for taking leave." John looked at his youngest brother.

Jeff noticed the older blonde glance at his youngest brother. He immediately connected the dots. Alan was going back to Wharton's. "I don't think that's a good idea." He debated.

"This is what Alan wants, Dad." Scott took over the conversation. "Just hear him out. You owe him that much."

"Fine," Jeff decided.

Alan was nervous. He wasn't talking to his father in front of the entire family. He knew he had his brother's support. Even though they didn't want Alan to leave they understood. There were too many memories on the island for Alan to move on. He needed a fresh start. Alan needed to be in control of his own life for once. "I can't stay here." Alan met his father's eyes. "The memories here are too strong here. I need to take my life back. Ignoring the problem isn't working anymore. I have to take control of my own life."

"Is this what you really want?" Jeff needed to hear the words from Alan. He wanted to know that this was something Alan had decided.

"I want to go back to school, Dad. I miss my friends." Alan felt the tears start to cascade down his cheeks. "I need to graduate on my own terms."

Jeff saw no deceit in his son's eyes. Alan honestly needed to go back to Wharton's. The older man hated the thought of Alan returning. "We can find another school, Alan."

Alan shook his head. "It wouldn't be the same and you know it." He objected.

Later that night Jeff stayed up late into the night. He was supposed to be combing over work. Instead he found his mind drifting to their conversations at dinner. Alan and John were leaving. It seemed so surreal to him. He was glad that John was going to be there for Alan. It meant that Alan wouldn't be alone. It still scared him that Alan was going to be so far.

"I'll give you a penny for your thoughts." Virgil walked in.

Jeff smiled at the doctor. "Are you sure he's ready to be so far from home?" He thought aloud.

Virgil had wondered the same thing. Alan was still recovering from everything, physically and mentally. But they had to consider what was best for Alan. There was no Dr. Lancaster to hurt him. The new headmaster at Wharton's was well liked and had turned the school upside down. "He won't be alone, Dad. John and Amanda are going to be there to make sure he's okay." The medic confirmed.

"It does make it a little more bearable." Jeff stated.

"It's going to be quiet around here without him." Virgil confided. "This is going to be hard."

"We're all going to need some time to adjust." Jeff offered.

Virgil could barely remember what an island without Alan was like. He had been so time consuming the past few weeks. "We need to plan some trips to Massachusetts." He quipped.

"We will have to go to the wedding too." Jeff hinted.

Virgil laughed, "Are you a fortune teller now?"

Jeff sighed, "John looks at Mandy like I looked at your mother. It won't be too much longer now before she becomes a Tracy."

"Do you ever wonder if Allie will have that?" Virgil considered. "I mean right now it seems unlikely that he'd trust someone that much."

Jeff had often thought about the future of his youngest son. He always thought Alan would end up with Tin Tin. The two kids had grown up together. But now Jeff didn't see that as a possibility. Alan could hardly stand being touched. He tolerated it. Jeff wanted all of his sons to have what he had. John had found it despite his complicated work schedule. Now his other boys needed to find that special someone to settle down with.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 22**

The two weeks had come and gone faster than any of the Tracy's liked. Brains had offered to man Thunderbird five with Fermat until John return to active duty. Despite his father's persistence John refused to give his father a timeline for his return. John had too many scenarios to give his father a concrete answer. Jeff had arranged for Tracy One to stay in New York for emergencies. Alan had decided to stay in the dorms and room with Matt. John and Scott were still trying to convince Alan to stay with John. He had rented a condo near Harvard and offered to help Alan commute.

"I'm going to miss you, Sprout." Scott hugged his brother after he was finished loading the luggage.

Gordon ruffled his hair playfully. "Don't cause too much trouble. Remember you have a warden now." He winked at John.

"I'm regretting this decision already." Alan muttered.

Virgil laughed, "Then you can stay home. I know that I would sleep better at night."

Alan held his hands up in protest. "No thanks. I've had all the brotherly smothering I can handle." He refused.

"Are you saying you are sick of us?" Gordon pouted.

"Yes." Alan answered honestly.

Scott and Gordon flinched at the boy's abrupt response. "I think there may still be time to throw him the pool." Scott threatened.

"We have ten minutes. That's plenty of time." Gordon agreed.

Alan backed up timidly. "Like you old guys could even catch me." He jabbed as he turned to run.

John looked over to see his brothers smothering the youngest for the last time. He couldn't even imagine being in their shoes. Two of their brothers were leaving today. John on the other hand was getting to do something he'd wanted to do for years. He was settling down somewhere. He was going to work a normal job a few days a week and spend the weekends with his girlfriend and brother.

It took didn't take Gordon and Scott to catch Alan and throw him in the pool. Their father wasn't happy, but it was worth it. "You look like a drowned rat." John laughed.

"They act like they're never going to see me again." Alan grumbled as he boarded the jet.

John chuckled, "Think about it from their point of view. The last time you left for school you were kidnapped."

Alan bit his tongue at the comment. He didn't think about it that way. "I'm sorry. I didn't think…"

John put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "You really need to stop apologizing for things you can't control." He teased.

"Did you tell Dr. Harrison when we were getting in?" Alan wondered.

The older blonde nodded, "She flew in to Massachusetts this morning and got the keys to the condo."

John couldn't see a future that didn't have the young doctor in it. She was everything John ever wanted. Amanda already knew about IR so there was no need for secrecy. It couldn't be more perfect.

When they landed John called his father to keep him updated. Amanda picked them up and drove them straight to Wharton's Academy. They didn't want to get in too late. Alan still had to check in and move in.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, Sprout?" John questioned for the hundredth time.

Matt put his arm around Alan's shoulders casually. "He'll be fine. I'll make sure he stays out of trouble." The jock promised.

Amanda smiled at the two boys. "You have all the numbers right?" She interrogated.

"Yes, I have everything." Alan confirmed. "You guys are only an hour away."

"Are you sure you don't want to come back with us?" John asked. "I could bring you back for classes tomorrow."

Alan shook his head. "I'll be fine. Can you guys please leave now? It's getting late and you have a drive ahead of you." He pleaded.

Amanda and John hugged him before finally taking off. Alan was happy to finally have some sense of freedom. It was nice to know that John was nearby if needed. The following month ahead was going to be different. Alan could feel it. "What happened with Sam?" Alan was surprised to find out that Matt and Sam were no longer rooming together. He assumed it had to do with Sam's arrest. "I thought he got off with a fine."

Matt sat on his bed. "Sam overdosed last week." The older boy revealed.

Alan fell onto his bed at the news. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I haven't been able to get off campus to see him. This new headmaster is a serious hard ass." Matt divulged. "I begged my mom to call his foster mom, but the lady wouldn't say anything."

"Why didn't you call me?" Alan shouted.

Matt hesitated, "I was afraid your Dad would change his mind if he knew. We already lost Wesley. I needed you here."

Alan understood why Matt had waited to tell him. He would have told one of his brothers. It would have gotten back to his father. Long story short Alan wouldn't be allowed to come back to school. "You were right. My dad was looking for an excuse not to let me come." The blonde pondered. "So what's the plan?"

"We can't sneak off campus." Matt stated firmly. "It's impossible. I've tried."

Alan snorted, "Maybe for you."

"Bring it on, Blondie." Matt threatened.

Within the next hour Alan and Matt had successfully snuck off campus and got on a bus to the hospital. Thankfully, there weren't any problems at the hospital. Not many people cared about the foster boy enough to stand guard. Matt picked up the clipboard on the end of the bed and went through the doctors notes.

"Holy shit," Alan cursed as he looked at Sam. The boy was on a ventilator. This was worse than he expected.

"He overdosed on crystal meth." Matt sat down at the chair to absorb the notes in front of him. "He had multiple strokes."

"Sam wouldn't do crystal meth." Alan assured. "It has to be a mistake."

Matt handed him the clipboard. Alan took it to read the doctor's notes for himself. Matt wasn't lying. The tests all confirmed crystal methamphetamine. "This can't be happening." Alan thought aloud.

Alan could see Matt was trying to stop the tears from falling. "It's just me and you now." The brunette took his former roommates hand.

"He isn't dead." Alan snapped. "He'll wake up."

"Alan, he's brain dead." Matt informed. "Even if he does wake up it wouldn't be the same. Sam wouldn't have wanted this."

Alan pressed himself into the fall furthest away from Matt. He had just come to terms with losing Wesley. He couldn't lose another friend so soon. Sam was irreplaceable like Wesley. "No! There has to be something!" The blonde broke down.

Matt sat down on the floor next to his friend. He let the boy fall against him. "I need you to accept this, Alan. Sam isn't coming back. You saw the doctor's notes." He pulled the younger boy closer to him.

It wasn't supposed this way. Sam was supposed to be at school waiting for him. Alan knew Sam would never do crystal meth. He could feel the falls closing around him. Alan wasn't sure how long they stayed there. It may have been hours and Alan wouldn't have known. He had no strength to move and Matt made no effort either. They just sat there looking at their friend.

"We should head back before they realize we're gone." Matt stood up and said goodbye to Sam.

"Keep Wesley out of trouble." Alan said goodbye before following Matt out of the room. They both knew the next time they saw Sam he would be gone.

When the boys reached the fence they had used to sneak they were greeted by a very unfriendly woman. She was younger than any headmaster Alan had ever seen. She had long brunette hair that was pulled back into a bun. "So much for operation undetected." Matt joked as he sat in the headmaster's office.

The tall stern walked forward and sat at her desk across from the two boys. This woman terrified Alan to no end. "I don't take rule breaking lightly." Headmistress Saunders decreed.

"We're sorry, Ma'am, but if you would allow us to explain." Matt reasoned.

"I don't require an explanation, Mr. Dunne." Mrs. Saunders rejected. "I take pride in knowing my students well."

"With all due respect, Ma'am, I've never spoken to you." Matt argued. "How could you possibly know me?"

"Matthew Dunne, you're the only son of Marcus and Meghan Dunne. You're a straight A student, never missed a lesson and an all-star athlete with plans to attend Stanford in the fall." She then turned towards Alan. "Alan Shepard Tracy, son of Jefferson Tracy, you have four older brothers, your grades are A's and B's and you run track." Mrs. Saunders finished. "I know that you both snuck off campus tonight to visit Mr. Hanson in the hospital."

Matt and Alan exchanged stunned glanced. How did this lady know so much without talking to them? Alan had only been here a few hours. "I am very sorry that you both had to find out about Mr. Hanson's condition this way. Especially, after losing Mr. Pierce last semester." The headmaster apologized. "It is not a fate I would wish on anyone. I planned on making a formal announcement tomorrow morning."

"You knew about Sam." Alan pressed.

The woman was becoming softer to Alan's eyes. She was strict, but she cared. It was surprising that the board had chosen someone so young. Headmistress Saunders had to be in her early thirties at the latest. "We can handle this one of two ways." The brunette offered. "You both can return to your dorm room and call it a night or I can call your families."

Alan hesitated at the options. She didn't intend on punishing them. "We snuck off campus." He reiterated.

"You snuck off campus to see a sick friend. That's hardly grounds for expulsion." Mrs. Saunders smiled, "You two have had a rough year. Let's see that it ends on a good note."

"What about Sam?" Matt wanted to know. This woman hand seemed to consider every option. Did she expect them to sit around and attend classes while their friend was dying? "He can't be forgotten. He isn't trash. He deserved better."

"I can assure you that he will not be forgotten." Mrs. Saunders informed. "I plan to gather funds to build a memorial for Mr. Pierce and Mr. Hanson on school grounds."

Matt and Alan were still in shock after they entered their dorm room. They thought they were busted for sure. Instead she took time out of her night to talk to them about Sam. It made Alan feel better to know a teacher actually had his back. He trusted her. She was scary and strict, but she had a warm center. Professor Saunders truly loved her students.

"I almost wanted her to call my dad." Matt admitted.

Alan could understand where Matt was coming from. He was close to his parents being an only child. "That's the last thing I need." Alan whispered.

Alan and Matt stayed up talking. They're thoughts were consumed with Sam. It bothered them that the boy was all alone. Eventually they were able to fall asleep. It had been an eventful night.

Alan's first week of classes had come and gone without a hitch. Professor Saunders kept the boys updated on Sam's condition. Matt and Alan had discovered that their new headmaster was not all that meets the eye. Before coming to Wharton's Academy she was a prosecutor for the state. She specialized in sexual assault and domestic abuse cases and had an amazing conviction rate. It made sense that she wouldn't allow children like Wesley and Sam fall through the cracks. Her life's work was founded on making sure the forgotten have a voice.

Alan and Matt were sitting in their calculus class when the headmaster strode in. "Excuse me, Professor Wasserman. May I borrow Alan Tracy for a moment?" The older man at the head of the class gestured for Alan to leave.

"Sam?" Alan stuttered once they were alone.

Professor Saunders shook her head and placed a hand on Alan's shoulder. "There has been no change in Sam's condition." She stated.

Alan wasn't sure why she would call him otherwise. "Did I do something wrong?" He wondered.

"You brother is here to pick you up." Mrs. Saunders smiled.

"Is that all?" Alan was still confused.

Mrs. Saunders urged the blonde to start walking towards the office as they talked. "I wanted you to know that I haven't notified your family of the week's developments." That was the reason. She wanted Alan to know John didn't know about Sam's condition. Mrs. Saunders was leaving this decision to Matt and Alan.

"Thank you, Ma'am." Alan said graciously.

Alan went to his room to finish packing up for the weekend. He had expected John to come, but not before classes were finished. He must have gotten pressured by the smother hens at home. After all Alan hadn't felt up to talking the past week.

"Welcome to your home away from home." John announced.

Amanda was already in the kitchen preparing lunch when the boys entered. "How was your first week?" The doctor questioned.

"Better than I expected." Alan admitted. "Matt and I have calculus and physics together so that's a bonus."

"Just make sure you boys get some studying done." John lectured.

Alan rolled his eyes, "Yes, Daddy."

"How is the new headmaster?" Amanda started to set the table with John and Alan's help.

Alan sighed, "I like her. She has this weird way of inserting herself in your business without crossing boundaries."

"Janet Saunders has an amazing reputation." Amanda commented. "I've run across her a few times."

"It's good that you like her." John added. "Maybe it will keep you out of trouble."

Alan shook his head. "I doubt that."

The weekend pasted by in a flash. John and Amanda dropped Alan off at school on Sunday night before dark. It was different having John so close to campus. It changed the dynamic of his school work. The biggest change was that Alan hadn't been smoking pot. Normally, Alan wouldn't hesitate, but he knew Matt's feeling on the matter. Every time he started to lite up he remember Sam lying there on that bed. Scott's words would hammer through his mind. He ended up not smoking at all.

Alan started looking forward to his calls from Gordon. He knew that he wouldn't judge him. Alan didn't tell Gordon about Sam. If he told someone it would make it real. The blonde wasn't ready to admit that to himself. It was something he had to cling to. Scott and Virgil had both called once. Alan assumed that they had been pestering John to no end. It was felt right to be back at Wharton's despite the current predicament hovering over his head. He still had Matt and right now that was enough.

John had just finished teaching his first class of the day when his phone rang. It was most likely Scott or Gordon checking in on Alan. The other boys didn't want to bother Alan. They had only been in Massachusetts for a week and a half. Amanda had transferred jobs to a local hospital to spend more time with John.

"Hey Sweetheart," John answered.

"Have you talked to Alan?" Mandy interrogated.

"I've been in class all morning. I'm sure he's fine." John didn't see why she was so worked up.

"Sam Hanson? He was your brother's friend right?" Mandy asked.

John thought about the answer before responding. "I think so, why?"

"It's all over the news, John. He died last night." The young doctor informed. "He overdosed on drugs and was on life support the past two weeks. His heart finally gave out."

"Let me call you back." John ordered. He hung up and called his little brother. With Alan's luck this Sam kid would be Alan's friend. Death seemed to follow that kid like a shadow. His phone went straight to voicemail. The boy was probably in a class.

Gordon was finishing up his morning swim when his phone rang. "Hey Johnny, how's Harvard?" The red head joked.

"Was Alan's friend Sam Hanson?" John wasted no time.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" Gordon had a knot growing in his stomach.

"Mandy called. Sam died last night." John stated.

Gordon dropped his towel in shock. "What?" He struggled.

"He overdosed two weeks ago." John recapped. "The hospital had him on life support. Did Alan mention any of this to you?"

"Hell no, I would have told you." Gordon's mind immediately flipped to the worse scenario. "Is Allie okay?"

"I don't know." John fumed. "He isn't picking up his cell. I'm on the way to Wharton's now. Alan never told me anything about this. I saw him last weekend and he didn't mutter a word."

Gordon sat down on one of the chairs to calm himself. "Be careful, Johnny. He's hurting right now." The swimmer reminded him.

Gordon hung up the phone so John could continue trying to reach Alan. "Is everything okay?" Jeff walked into the kitchen area. He immediately picked up on Gordon's distress as did Scott and Virgil.

"Sam is dead." Gordon whispered. "John is on his way to Wharton's now to get Alan."

"How did he die?" Virgil questioned.

"He was put on life support two weeks ago." Gordon paraphrased. "John said it was drug overdose."

Scott thought about the situation for a moment. "That was a week before John and Alan left. Do you think Alan knew?"

"I doubt it." Gordon breezed.

"Dad, we should go." Virgil suggested. "Alan just started getting over Wesley's death. He needs his family there."

Jeff nodded, "Scott draw up the flight plans for Tracy Two. I'll send the word that IR is currently out of operation."

Alan and Matt were sitting in the headmaster's office again. They hadn't even left for their first lesson when the headmaster knocked on their door. Alan couldn't explain the emotions that swept over him. He just knew that Sam was gone. The headmaster had called Matt's family with his permission. Alan on the other hand refused.

Alan watched as the headmaster talked with Matt's parents. "We are willing to help. Sam was a good kid. He deserves a proper burial." Dr. Dunne told the headmaster.

"I couldn't agree with you more." Mrs. Saunders agreed.

Mrs. Dunne came over and gave her son and Alan a hug. "Is there anything you need dear? You can come home with us." The warm woman offered.

"That won't be necessary." The headmaster placed a comforting hand on Alan's shoulder. "Alan's brother is on the way."

Alan's eyes shot up at the woman. "I told you not to call them." He insisted.

"Your brother called me." Mrs. Saunders excused.

After Matt left with his parents Alan stayed in the headmaster office. Mrs. Saunders wanted to keep a close eye on the boy until his brother arrived. Alan was in shock and had refused to eat anything all morning. She wanted to talk to the boy's family before they took Alan.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 23**

Alan wasn't sure how long he had been sitting in the headmaster's office. When John arrived the headmaster pulled him to the side to talk to him. Alan kept his head down and refused to look at his brother. He wasn't ready for his family to know yet.

"Is he okay?" John asked the woman. She was younger than John expected.

Professor Saunders stole a glance at the boy sitting next to her desk. Alan had been quiet. "He's most likely in shock." She observed. "He refuses to eat anything."

"I'll make sure he gets something to eat." John promised. "Thank you for staying with him."

The brunette looked at the younger boy. She had grown very fond of Alan and Matt over the past week. "It has been a long week for everyone." Mrs. Saunders said passively.

"Did he know Sam was in the hospital?" John needed to know if Alan had hid this from him.

The headmaster nodded, "The boys snuck off campus Alan's first night back. Matt had heard the rumors about Sam's overdose. When they returned to campus the three of us discussed Mr. Hanson's condition. Alan knew this was coming."

"You should have called me." John stated angrily.

"With all due respect, Mr. Tracy, Alan is perfectly capable of making his own decisions." Mrs. Saunders stood her ground. "He's a big boy."

John ran a hand through his hair as he watched his little brother. "I'm sorry, Professor. I had no intention of questioning your judgment." The blonde apologized.

"It's okay to be upset. This is a lot of information to absorb." The brunette woman sympathized.

"Will you send me the details for the memorial?" John requested.

Mrs. Saunders gave the man a comforting smile. "Of course, I will E-mail the information to your father. In the meantime please let me know if Alan needs anything." She comforted.

John thanked her again before walking over to his brother. "Hey Sprout, are you ready?"

Alan stood, but did not meet his brother's eyes. John put his arm around the younger boy to comfort him. The entire car ride home was silent. John attempted to make conversation, but Alan didn't respond. When they got to the condo Alan retreated to his room without a word.

Amanda rubbed John's shoulders to relax him. "He just needs time." She placed a kiss on his hair. "When are Dad and the boys getting in?"

John checked the time before answering. "They should be in early tomorrow. Dad said the funeral is on Saturday."

"I'll go get dinner started." Amanda kissed the blonde once more before going to the kitchen.

John's phone rang and he looked down to see Scott's picture. "Hey Scott," The astronaut answered.

"Hey Johnny, how's Allie?" Scott inquired.

"Quiet," John informed. "He hasn't said a word since I picked him up. The headmaster said he wouldn't eat anything."

"What does Mandy say?" The commander asked worriedly.

"That he needs time." John sighed.

"Can I talk to him?" Scott hoped that Alan would talk to him. He needed to hear his little brother's voice. He wanted to know that Alan was okay. So far nothing John had said brought him any comfort or peace of mind.

John got up from the couch and went to check on Alan. The eighteen year old had been far too quiet. The older man opened the door to see Alan lying on his bed. If it wasn't for the shaking in his shoulders John would have believed him to be asleep. The older brother walked forward and took a seat on the bed next to Alan. "Scott's on the phone." John handed his cell phone over to his little brother and left the room.

Alan reached out and took the phone from his brother. He really didn't want to talk to Scott. He just wanted to be left alone. "Allie, are you there?"

"Yes," Alan mumbled.

"It's good to hear your voice." Scott let out the breath he had been holding. "How are you doing?"

Alan didn't know how to respond. It was a loaded question. On one side of Alan was relieved that it was over. It was killing him to know that Sam was alone in the hospital awaiting his fate. "I don't know." Alan confessed.

"It's going to be okay, Sprout." Scott soothed. "We're going to be there tomorrow morning and everything will get better."

"What?" Alan didn't know his family was coming for the funeral. That was not something that Alan was prepared for.

"We're leaving tonight." Scott confirmed. "We should be there by morning."

"You guys don't have to come." Alan reasoned. "It's okay I have John."

"Sprout you're not even talking to John." Scott argued.

Alan wasn't ready to face Sam's death head on. He couldn't accept that he had lost yet another friend. It truly was just Matt and him now. How had everything gone this wrong? It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to graduate together and leave their old lives behind. They had plans.

"Alan?" Scott's voice broke through his thoughts.

"I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow." Alan hung up without even waiting for a response.

Alan needed to think about what he was going to do. Mrs. Saunders had asked Matt and him to speak at the memorial. Matt had agreed without hesitation. Alan on the other hand still needed to give the headmaster an answer. A knock on the door interrupted Alan's thoughts.

"Hey baby," Amanda smiled. "I made some sandwiches if you're hungry."

Even though Alan hadn't seen Dr. Harrison for therapy in several weeks he still couldn't bring himself to call her Amanda. Maybe it was the personal feelings he'd shared with her. It was weird for Alan to be around her in a casual way. This was a woman that knew every detail of his relationship with Dr. Lancaster.

Alan shook his head, "No, thanks."

The young doctor perched herself on the doorframe straddling his room. "I'll bring you a plate." Amanda decided.

Alan fell asleep not long after Amanda brought him lunch. This day could not end soon enough for Alan. It was like losing Wesley all over again.

Jeff had arranged for a rental car to be waiting at the airport. They flew Tracy two through the night to save daylight in Massachusetts. The oldest Tracy thought it would come in handy to have an extra car available. They were a big group.

"It's good to see you Dad." Amanda welcomed with a hug. The Tracy's had considered Dr. Harrison family for a long time. "Although I wish it was on better terms."

"You and me both, Mandy." Jeff set his bags down and hugged John. "Where's your brother?"

John pointed down the hallway. "He hasn't eaten anything or come out all morning." The older blonde stated.

Alan was sitting on the floor by his bed when Jeff entered. Jeff wasn't good at this part of parenting. He didn't handle loss well. That much was blatantly obvious. How many people created a rescue organization after their wives died? "I'm sorry about your friend." Jeff offered.

"No you're not." Alan snapped. "You didn't even know Sam."

Jeff's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I don't have to know him to see how much you cared about him." The older man convinced.

"He isn't gone." Alan protested. "He can't be."

Jeff rested his hands on his son's shoulders. "I know it hurts, but you have to accept this." He pressed.

"Why should I listen to a word you have to say?" Alan shouted. "You don't even know me."

Jeff was thrown off by the bluntness of Alan's words. This was something the youngest had been thinking about for a while. "It's not me your angry with, Alan." He reasoned.

Alan laughed sarcastically, "Don't tell me how I feel. You have no right to do that."

"I can't help you if you push me away." Jeff disputed.

"I thought you wanted me gone." Alan vented. "Isn't that why you shipped me off in the first place?"

Jeff could see the hurt in Alan's eyes. He deserved Alan's wrath after everything he had put Alan through. Jeff had pushed Alan away long before Dr. Lancaster even entered the picture. It was one boarding school after another after his mother died. He didn't know the first thing about being a father to Alan. That was all Scott's doing. He had been there for Alan when he returned from the hospital. He had comforted Alan through the nightmares and thunderstorms. Alan owed Jeff nothing. "You're right. I failed you." Jeff confessed. "I don't know you, but I want to. I need to make this right Alan. I want to make this right between us. Please give me another chance."

Alan tuned away stubbornly. "I don't know if I can handle anymore disappointment." The younger boy said.

"You have to have faith in people." Jeff advised.

"I do have faith in people." Alan shouted. "I just don't have faith in you."

It was obvious that all the progress he had made with Alan had been shattered. Ever since he made Alan go away to visit his friends in Boston things had changed. "We need to talk about this son." Jeff urged.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Alan screamed. "Go away! That's what you're good at, ignoring me when I need you!"

"That's enough!" Jeff hollered back. "I don't like your attitude."

"I don't like yours either." Alan spat. "Funny, how that doesn't matter."

Jeff and Alan had never had a fight this bad before. They had been in their fair share of arguments, but none this heated. This was eighteen years of repressed emotions mixed with over fifty years of stubbornness. "I want you to think very carefully about your next words." Jeff growled. "You're on extremely thin ice here."

"I told you to go away." Alan stated forcefully.

"Until I decide on a punishment you are not allowed to leave this room." Jeff ordered. "Not for anything."

Alan chuckled, "I'm eighteen. You have no control over me anymore."

"You can hate me for the rest of your life. It doesn't change who are." Jeff lectured. "No son of my is going to talk to be with this much disrespect."

Alan made a move for the door, but his father blocked his way. "Move out of my way or you'll never see me again." Alan threatened.

Jeff's blood ran cold at the look in Alan's eyes. It was obvious that Alan meant every word. He moved out of the way and allowed Alan to storm out. It took every ounce of control he had not to challenge Alan in return. John and Amanda had tried to stop Alan to no avail. He was too fast.

After Scott, Virgil, and Gordon got settled in at the hotel they went to Wharton's to pick up some of Alan's school work. It was the only way they could be helpful at the moment. Amanda had given them strict orders to let their father handle Alan. Scott was pretty sure that was going to blow up in their father's face.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist offered.

"We're here to pick up some work for our brother, Alan Tracy." Scott stated.

"I have this handled, Margie." A tall, thin, young, brunette woman announced. "You must be Scott. Alan's told me a lot about you."

Scott could hardly breathe. This woman was breathtaking. "What did he tell you?" His worry grew.

"He told me that you were pilot in the air force." The woman enlightened. "My father is retired air force."

"How do you know my brother?" Scott wondered. Wharton's wasn't exactly known for its gorgeous female instructors.

"Forgive me," She pardoned. "I'm Janet Saunders the new headmaster."

"Alan didn't mention that you were a…" Scott bit his tongue at the comment.

"Woman," Janet finished. "The school board thought it may be for the best."

Scott had to agree with the school board. Not only was she beautiful, but she was smart. Alan must have liked her. He didn't brag about his family if he didn't. "I'm here to pick up my brother's school work." He remembered.

"He is planning on returning, correct?" Janet asked worriedly.

Scott nodded, "I think he just needs some time to process things. It's been a crazy year."

"Of course, I understand." Janet stated. "Give me a few moments to pull some assignments together."

Scott waited as the headmaster gathered Alan's assignments. Virgil had gone up to Alan's room to get some spare clothes. They weren't sure when Alan would be returning to school. Gordon decided to stay with the car. He wasn't a very patient person, not that any of the Tracy's were.

"I wasn't sure how long Alan would be out." Virgil joined him in the lobby. "So I grabbed a few days' worth."

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Scott thought aloud. "He's been through a lot lately."

"Alan has his own way of dealing with things." Virgil advised. "He'll be fine."

"I hope you're right." Scott sighed. "I hated that Alan was using drugs, but I never wanted him to lose another friend."

"Amanda said Sam overdosed on crystal meth. That stuff is seriously addictive and dangerous." Virgil enlightened. "Do you think Alan knew what Sam was getting into?"

"I doubt it." Scott objected. "Janet told John that Alan and Matt didn't find out the extent of Sam's condition until last week."

Virgil's eyebrows furrowed, "Whose Janet?"

"Janet Saunders, she's the headmaster. I just met her." Scott breezed.

"You call the headmaster by her first name." Virgil joked.

Scott shrugged, "She introduced herself as Janet Saunders. What was I supposed to do?"

"She's hot it's she?" Virgil realized.

Scott smiled, "I call dibs."

Virgil rolled his eyes. "You can't call dibs on the headmaster of Alan's school." He lectured.

"You're just jealous." Scott teased.

"What do you even know about this girl?" Virgil argued. "Other than she's the headmaster."

"Janet worked as a state prosecutor since her graduation from Yale, my alumna mater. She has the highest conviction record in the state before Wharton offered her the headmaster position. She specialized in sexual assault and domestic abuse. Her father is retired air force." Scott ranted. "Oh and did I fail to mention that Alan was bragging on me. That's right. He wanted me to ask her out."

"You googled her, didn't you?" Virgil disputed. "That's cheating."

Scott hesitated, "It's technically gathering research."

Virgil ignored his brother. "No, I'm pretty sure it's cheating."

"What's cheating?" A voice interrupted.

The headmaster had returned with a folder filled with Alan's assignments. Scott took the folder and shot his brother an annoyed glance. "It's was nothing. We were just talking about the Yankee's game." Scott covered.

"Then I would have to agree with you." Janet smirked. "I'm a red sox fan."

"No kidding, so is Alan." Scott added. "Despite the fact that he lives in a house full of Yankee's fans."

"Well you can't stay in Massachusetts for two long without picking a side." The headmaster agreed. "Is there anything else you needed help with?"

"I think this should cover it." Scott thanked. "We just want to make sure he doesn't fall behind."

"It's quite alright." Janet reassured. "Please let Alan know that I am here if he ever needs to talk. This was not the way I wanted him to be welcomed back to Wharton's."

"We will pass it on." Virgil pushed his brother to leave.

Scott thanked her one more time before following his brother out the door. It was going to be a long drive back to John's place. With Gordon's obnoxious singing and Scott new love ambition Virgil was guaranteed to be annoyed.

Back at the house was another story entirely. Jeff and John had spent the entire morning searching, but had come up empty. Alan didn't want to be found. Scott and Gordon were both furious at their father. They knew Alan had a temper and was out of line. But their dad should have realized the kid needed space. It was obvious the kid was having trouble.

"I told you not to push him." Scott fumed. "Now he's out there all by himself."

"He's probably at Matt's. I'll call him." Gordon picked up his phone and left the room.

"This is your fault." Scott hollered. "You put too much on him."

"I don't need backtalk from you too." Jeff scolded.

"This isn't helping." Virgil groaned. "We should be out there looking. Not hauled up here fighting."

John sighed, "Amanda and I made a few calls. Alan knows the area. He can find his way back when he's calmed down."

Gordon returned from making his call to Matt. "He hasn't heard from Alan." The crimson haired man informed. "He said to just give him some space."

"One of his best friends overdosed on drugs." Scott reminded. "Space is the last thing he needs." He grabbed the rental car keys and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Virgil shouted.

"I can't sit around here and do nothing." Scott stressed. "I'm going to look for him. Are you coming?"

"I'll go." Gordon got up and followed his brother out the door.

Scott was beyond anger. He could not begin to understand why his father would put all that on Alan. He knew Alan was venerable. Why did their dad have to push? Scott, Virgil, and Gordon hadn't even seen Alan since getting into town. Their father couldn't have waited an hour.

Amanda was finishing up some dishes and doing her best to ignore the shouting when her phone rang. "Janet thanks for getting back to me. I'm getting worried here." She stressed.

"It's alright, Mandy, he's here." Janet comforted.

"Thank god," Amanda put the phone down and told Jeff. "Scott's out looking I'll send him your way."

"Mandy, I think he may have taken something. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but he looks dazed. I'll keep an eye on him until someone he arrives." Janet warned. It took the headmaster almost fifteen minutes to calm the Tracy's down. She really needed time to talk to Alan before they showed up at Wharton's. The teenager was overwhelmed with grief.

Alan had never felt so out of control. He needed to get some distance from his father. He couldn't deal with his problems and his father's. Alan wasn't exactly sure why he had hopped a bus to Wharton's. Most kids didn't dream about running towards school. He did feel more at home here than at John's. It was a safe place for him.

"I called your family." Mrs. Saunders placed a hand on the boys shoulder. "Did you want someone to come get you?"

Alan shook his head, "I'll catch a bus back when I'm ready."

"I can't let you get on a bus all by yourself." The headmaster countered. "Talk to me, Alan. You obviously have something on your mind."

"It just seems like every time I start to feel better something in the universe comes along to smack me down." Alan couldn't believe after everything he had been through he was still getting punished.

"I used to feel that way." The headmaster sat down next to him. "My parents separated when I was ten. I wanted to go live with my father, but he didn't have the time. My mother had the worst taste in men. They would hurt her and me. Why do you think I went into law?"

Alan dropped his head back to rest against the wall. "So you do know what happened?" What were the chances of a woman with her background coming to Wharton's? It was all too obvious.

"What Keith Lancaster did to you was unforgivable. You carried around that abuse and pain for years without any help." The brunette comforted. "But you are not alone anymore. You have family and friends who care about you. The more you push them away and hide the more fearful you are going to become."

"You think I should forgive my Dad after everything he's done." Alan questioned angrily.

"No, I'm saying you shouldn't push him away. You can be mad at him without hating him." Professor Saunders reasoned. "You need to cut yourself some slack. Not everyone you care about is going to hurt or leave you."

"She's right," A voice spoke.

Alan looked up to see Scott standing in the doorway. He looked down immediately. "What are you doing here?" Alan grumbled.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds! **

**CHAPTER 24**

"She's right," A voice spoke.

Alan looked up to see Scott standing in the doorway. He looked down immediately. "What are you doing here?" Alan grumbled.

"You kind of ran away, Sprout." Scott shrugged.

"I went to school." Alan argued. "That's hardly running away."

"I'd stay storming out while screaming; 'you'll never see me again' qualifies as running away." Scott emphasized.

Alan had to admit the words left a nasty taste in his mouth. He just wanted to be alone. It wasn't his fault that his father had no boundaries. "Actually I said, 'if you don't move out of the way you'll never see me again'." He corrected.

"You lost one of your closest friends. Dad and you had a huge fight." Scott reminded. "I had no idea where you were. Forgive me for being a little bit worried."

"I told him to go away, but he wouldn't." Alan vented.

"Can you give us a minute?" Scott asked the headmaster.

The woman nodded her head before leaving the room. "I'll be in my office finishing up some work if you need me."

Scott took a seat on the couch next to his brother. Alan was still worked up. He wasn't entirely sure what the fight had been about. He studied his brother for a few minutes to let the boy calm down. "Are you high?" The older boy accused.

Alan rolled his eyes, "No."

Scott didn't believe him for a second. His eyes were dilated and hazy. To an outsider he looked sad, but Scott knew Alan too well. He had definitely taken something. "Answer me honestly this time or I'm calling Dad." He threatened getting out his phone.

"You're bluffing." Alan breezed.

Sure enough Scott hit the call button and waited for his father to answer. Alan reached out and slammed the phone shut. "I took some Vicodin and smoked weed. I'll come down in a few hours and feel like shit again, don't worry." Alan jabbed.

"You promised me you'd quit." Scott tried to rein his temper in for Alan's sake.

"Oops," Alan chimed. "I guess I forgot."

"Why didn't you call me?" Scott asked.

"Why weren't you there?" Alan argued. "You told me it would get better. It didn't. Instead I got Dad shoving my mistakes in my face. Like I need reminding that I'm the Tracy disappointment."

"I'm sorry, Allie." Scott apologized. "I wanted to be there, but Dad said he wanted to handle it."

"Oh, he handled it." Alan muttered.

"Can we please just go back to the hotel?" Scott suggested. "We can get you sobered up and talk about this."

"I'm not going back." Alan stated.

"You're going to have to face him at some time, Allie." Scott pushed.

"I can't do this right now!" Alan cried. "Can't you see my life is falling apart?"

Scott's breath hitched as Alan crumbled and started hyperventilating and grabbing his chest. He noticed the frantic look in his brother's eyes. He did his best to remain calm for Alan. The headmaster must have heart the screaming, because she ran in. "What's wrong?"

"Call 911." Scott ordered as he tried to keep Alan conscious. He was epically failing. The older man could tell that Alan was not only having trouble breathing, but possibly having heart complications. The way he was gasping at his chest worried Scott.

"The ambulance is in route." Janet informed. "How can I help?"

Scott passed his phone to the headmaster. "Call my brother, Virgil. He's a doctor. Tell him Alan mixed two drugs and is having complications. He's having trouble breathing and is grabbing his chest. Ask him to text my brother Gordon. He's waiting in the car outside and I need his help."

Janet grabbed the phone and called the doctor. She recapped exactly what Scott said word for word before waiting for directions. "He isn't conscious right now." The woman stated. "Check his pulse." She told Scott.

Gordon came running in and started helping Scott. "We can get him faster than an ambulance could." He provided.

"I'm afraid he may start convulsing." Scott notified. "Tell Virgil his heart rate is irregular."

Suddenly Alan started vomiting uncontrollably. Scott and Gordon rolled him onto his side. The last thing they needed was Alan choking on top of everything else. After vomiting the blonde passed out. Scott and Gordon were terrified and thankful that they had basic medical field training. The ambulance arrived soon after. Janet stayed at the school, but made Scott promise to call her with updates.

Gordon and Scott were directed to a waiting room until they heard news. Jeff, John, Virgil, and Amanda showed up not long afterwards. "Do you think he'll be okay?" Gordon asked Virgil. He had been texting Matt relentlessly since Alan was taken away in the ambulance. He figured that the boy would want to know.

Virgil considered his brother's question. "It depends on how much he took. Based on his symptoms he could anything from cardiac problems to gastrointestinal issues." The doctor enlightened.

"Why would he do drugs after what happened?" Jeff wondered.

Scott laughed bitterly, "I don't maybe because he's had the year from hell."

"Are you justifying what he did?" Jeff was astonished. Scott was the strictest out of all his sons.

"Of course not," Scott explained. "I'm saying that you have a son in the hospital, because he would rather do drugs than talk to you."

"You don't think I care." Jeff spoke softly. "How could you think that?"

Scott shook his head. "I never said you didn't care. I said that you're a stubborn ass that came incredible close to losing his son today." He said bluntly.

"You're right," Jeff agreed. "I knew that he was acting out of grief. I shouldn't have lost my temper."

"Virgil's right." John intervened. "Fighting isn't going to change what happened. Let's just table this argument until we know Allie is okay."

Matt arrived a few minutes after the fight had been paused. Jeff went to go grab coffee. "Hey," Gordon greeted. "I thought you were going to wait for an update."

Matt shrugged, "I got sick of waiting."

"Get in line." Scott sighed.

Thirty minutes later a voice called, "Family of Alan Tracy."

"Over here," John returned.

"I'm Dr. Patel the residential physician that examined Alan." The man informed.

"How's Alan?" Gordon interrogated.

"Is he going to be okay?" Scott added.

Gordon and Scott had seen Alan's condition first hand. Scott had seen him collapse and struggle to breath. Gordon had arrived after he was unconscious. It didn't make matters better. Seeing their little brother struggle was almost as bad as seeing him on the ventilator after he was kidnapped.

"He's going to be fine." Dr. Patel stated. "We're going to keep him here overnight for observation. If all looks good he can be released tomorrow morning."

"What happened?" John questioned. "Was it the drugs?"

Dr. Patel shook his head. "We thought the combination of the two drugs were the cause. But the EKG and ultrasound came back normal." He explained.

"What does that mean?" Jeff grew concerned.

"I believe Alan had an anxiety attack. It would explain the heart arrhythmia, shortness of breath, and the vomiting." Dr. Patel elaborated. "It's not common to see one to this degree, but it can happen. The drugs irritated his stomach and contributed to his the anxiety until he lost consciousness. His body shut down to protect itself."

"But he'll be okay." Virgil checked. "There are going to be no longer term side effects."

"He regained consciousness about thirty minutes ago. We ran some simple motor and memory tests to be on the safe side. The results were normal." Dr. Patel revealed. "He's still coming down from the drugs, but otherwise he is fine."

"Can we see him?" Gordon requested.

"He's refusing visitors at this time." The doctor rejected.

Jeff and Scott shared worried glances. Alan was angry at them. "I'm his father. You can't stop me from seeing my son." The patriarch said stubbornly.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Tracy, but Alan is of age. I will tell him you're here." Dr. Patel reminded.

"Well this is great now Alan won't even speak to us." Scott huffed.

Alan's head was pounding and his chest hurt. It was like waking up from a really long dream. His memories were splintered. The last thing he remembered was talking to Scott. Alan was shook out of his thoughts by a nurse checking his monitors. Luckily he didn't have any IV's to annoy him.

"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked.

"I'm fine." Alan stated.

The nurse scribbled a few notes down. "Do you need anything, sweetheart?"

"Can you call someone for me?" Alan questioned. The nurse nodded and passed the clipboard to Alan. "His name is Matt Dunne."

"You have entire waiting room of people waiting to see you. Are you sure they're not here already?" The woman hesitated.

Alan considered the woman's words. He knew that Gordon and Matt had probably talked. Matt would be worried after what happened to Sam. Alan needed to make sure Matt knew he was alright. "You can check." He suggested.

Alan had been waiting five minutes when Matt entered. "I'd knock, but there's no door." Matt joked.

"Yeah, they should really invest in some of those." Alan laughed.

Matt took a seat on the chair next to Alan's bed. "What the hell were you thinking?" The brunette met his eyes.

Alan rested his head back against his pillow, "I wasn't thinking. That was the point."

"You're my best friend." Matt started to cry. "You can't keep doing shit like this to me, first Wesley, then Sam, and now you. We can't keep doing this to each other."

Alan got up and pulled Matt into a hug. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. We have plans remember." He comforted.

"I wasn't sure if you still wanted to go through with it." Matt reasoned. "You're closer to your family now."

"That changes nothing." Alan shook his head. "I'm in if you are."

"Your family is really worried about you." Matt pushed. "They were pissed when the nurse came and got me."

"I can't handle my family right now." Alan rejected.

"You should at least let Scott in." Matt informed. "He chewed your dad out in the waiting room."

"He did?" Alan was surprised. Scott rarely stood up to their father.

Matt nodded, "I wasn't there, but Gordon told me. He called your dad a stubborn ass."

"Whoa," Alan raised his eyebrows. "That's good one. I should have used that."

"Too late," Matt quipped.

Alan glanced at the clock on the wall. It was getting late. Matt's parents were not going to be happy. Since Sam's death they had been extremely overprotective. "You should head home." Alan suggested.

Matt smiled his signature grin before fake punching Alan in the arm. "Want me to send someone back?" He asked before leaving.

"I want to see Gordon." Alan decided.

"Are you sure?" Matt knew how crazy Gordon could be. The older boy was not everyone's cup of tea. Matt liked him and enjoyed how much they had in common. That was the reason Alan and Gordon got along so well.

"Definitely," Alan confirmed.

Gordon hesitated in the doorway of Alan's room. It was only a temporary room. Alan was going to be released tomorrow. He was filled with relief when Matt returned with a smile on his face. It meant that Alan was okay. His heart had broken when the doctor told them that Alan didn't want to see them.

"Hey Sprout," Gordon greeted with a smile. "How are you doing?"

"I'll live." Alan stated. "Matt told me what happened. I'm sorry I freaked you guys out."

"Why did you do it, Allie?" Gordon whispered.

"I can't do this without Sam." Alan admitted. "It was hard enough without Wesley."

Gordon took a seat on the chair next to Alan's bedside. "We both know this was more than that. Sam and Wesley were not the reason you took the drugs." The aquanaut didn't buy the excuse.

"It was like all those feelings of helplessness came rushing back." Alan rubbed his hand over his face. "It was like nothing had changed between him and me. He's just as disappointed in me as he was before. I'm sick of trying to make him proud of me."

Gordon scooted his chair closer to his brother. "That's not true. Dad loves you. He has a horrible way of showing it, but he cares." The old boy defended.

"So Dad didn't want Mom to get an abortion?" Alan questioned.

Gordon ran his hands through his hair. "It isn't like it sounds, Sprout. Mom wasn't even supposed to be able to get pregnant again. Dad wanted you, but the doctors were worried about the complications." He explained. "Mom refused to get an abortion. She called you her little angel. Once you were here Dad regretted ever suggesting it."

"He regretted it up until the avalanche." Alan pointed out. "Admit it. Mom and Wesley would be here if it wasn't for me. Dad was right for wanting to get rid of me."

Gordon had known Alan felt this way for a while. They all had known that Alan blamed himself for their mother's death. Gordon wasn't sure how Alan knew about the abortion. Scott had made all of them promise to never speak about it again. He knew it would hurt Alan. Their father's relationship with Alan was already at its breaking point. Gordon placed a hand on his brother's arm.

Scott walked in and stood beside Gordon. Based on his expression it was obvious he had heard the conversation from the hallway. The oldest brother could see Gordon was struggling for an answer. Leave it to Scott to find a way past all the nurses to see him against his wishes. "Don't talk like that, Alan. They died, because they knew you were worth it. They loved you. Why can't you see how special you are? You were the reason Dad started International Rescue. You are what kept us going. If we lost you I don't think we would get through it." Scott ranted.

"It's not the same without you, Allie." Gordon agreed.

"Then why isn't Dad here instead of you." Alan pressed as he met Scott's eyes. "Why did he come to the school instead of you? Why were you two out looking while he sat at home?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't listen to me." Jeff walked in to the room. "I couldn't risk losing you again. I knew Scott would bring you back. You trust him."

"You haven't given me a reason to trust you." Alan snapped. "You only yell at me till I submit to whatever you want. Exactly like Dr. Lancaster."

Jeff flinched at the comparison. He knew he deserved Alan's wrath. He had let Scott raise Alan in every sense. "Tell me what I can do to make this right." Jeff requested.

"You can get out." Alan ordered.

"You don't want that, Alan." Scott argued. "You need to tell Dad everything and let him explain. You can't keep pushing him away. I can't keep playing mediator between you two."

"We'll give you two some space." Gordon offered as he followed Scott from the room.

"I never wanted your mother to get an abortion, Alan." Jeff started. "It was the hardest decision I've ever made. I wanted you from the moment your mom told me she was pregnant. But the doctors said she wouldn't survive the pregnancy and the chances of you surviving were slim." He paused briefly. "Your mother and I fought the entire time she was pregnant. When she went into premature labor I was terrified. I thought I was going to lose her and you. Your mother was fine, but you were sick. We weren't even allowed to hold you. I should have trusted her instincts. You were everything she told me you would be. You were worth every fight we had."

"Then the avalanche happened." Alan intervened.

"I never blamed you for your mother's death." Jeff clarified. "After your mother died I didn't know what to do. I was so consumed with grief. I threw myself into my work so I didn't have to face what happened. By the time I pulled myself back together the Thunderbirds were a full blown reality. Then before I knew it you were all grown up. I had lost your trust and respect. I had missed everything. Your grandmother and Scott were more of parents to you than I ever was. The more I tried to earn my place in your life the more you pulled away or resented me. I should have fought harder for you. That is my truest regret. International Rescue saves thousands of lives, but if I knew it was going to cost me you. I wouldn't have started it."

Alan listened intently to his father's words. "All I wanted was to make you proud." He could feel the tears start to fall.

"You do make me proud." Jeff took his son's hand. "You could never disappoint me, Alan. I love you."

"But I used drugs." Alan struggled.

"Alan we're going to fight. I fight with your brother's all the time." Jeff elaborated. "It doesn't mean I'm disappointed. I was worried about you. I was scared for you. I didn't know how to help you."

"You're okay with the fact that I used drugs and made everyone lie for me." Alan was surprised.

"Not in the slightest." Jeff didn't look amused. "The fact that you resort to drugs when you're upset terrifies me to no end. But it is something that we can work through together."

"I don't know what to say." Alan's eyes darted away from his father.

Jeff held his son's hand tighter. "Tell me you'll stop. I know it's going to be hard, but I know you can do it."

Alan couldn't form words. Reality was hitting him hard. Dr. Lancaster was gone. Wesley was dead. Sam was dead. His father was here begging for him to forgive him. It was a lot to take in at once. "I love you too." Alan choked.

Jeff stood up and pulled Alan into a tight embrace. Alan clung to his father's shirt as he sobbed. The last time he had broken down in front of his dad was in his office after he had to him about his relationship with Dr. Lancaster. That had been a distraction from all the repressed problems Alan and his father had. The pain in Alan's chest was growing with each sob. It was a painful reminder of what had happened to get them here. It had taken them a long time to get to this point. But now Alan could see the light in the distance. A beacon of what Matt and he needed to finish for Wesley and Sam.

"Well it's about time you two made up." John interrupted.

Virgil wrapped his arm around his older brother. "You can say that again."

"Are you okay, Sprout?" Scott inquired noticing his red puffy eyes.

Alan nodded, "Yeah, I'm good."

"Uh oh," Gordon blurted. "We need to get a doctor in here STAT. He said, 'good'. Alan always says, 'fine'. It's like his trademark."

The entire room broke out in laughter. It felt right. They were a family again. Now all they had to do was keep the peace till the memorial service on Saturday. It was going to be a long couple of days.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 25**

Alan was released from the hospital the following morning. Jeff was insisting that Alan stay at the hotel until the memorial service. But Alan and Matt had already agreed that they were going back to school. They needed something to take their mind off things. Plus Matt was being driven insane by the idea of homework stacking up.

"It feels good to be back in my own room." Matt sighed as he lay down on his bed.

Alan was still putting clothes away. "Yeah, I guess I consider Wharton's my home now."

"Does that mean you don't want to go through with the plan?" Matt wondered.

Alan hesitated, "No, it means I'm going to miss it. I have a lot of memories here."

Matt chuckled, "Do you remember when Wesley and Sam tried to convince Dr. Greer that they were gay."

Alan busted out laughing. "That was hilarious. He got so mad." He remembered.

"Makes you wonder doesn't it." Matt suddenly got serious. "Whether Sam meant to overdose. Don't tell me you haven't thought the same thing. Sam was never the same after what happened to Wesley."

Alan turned around to sit on his bed. "No one else knew about their real relationship. To others they were just pulling a prank." He reasoned.

"I'm not saying he did it. I'm just saying it's suspicious." Matt explained.

"Yeah," Alan agreed. "He swore he'd never use meth after what happened to his mom. It's weird that he would go near it much less use it."

"Did he ever mention his new foster family to you?" Matt questioned.

"Never," Alan stated. "Did he tell you anything?"

Matt shrugged, "Only that he didn't like them. He was barely in school the past few months and when he was he was strung out."

"I thought you two were rooming together." Alan found it odd that Matt had hardly seen Sam when he lived with him.

Matt shook his head. "Nope, his new foster family forced him to commute." He put air quotes around the word family.

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" Alan grew worried. Matt thought that Sam was murdered.

"I've been going through the last few weeks in my head." Matt informed. "Sam was upset about Wesley's death, but he was not suicidal. I would have known if he was using crystal meth. I may be super busy with extracurricular, but I would have noticed that."

"If Sam was murdered what would be the motive?" Alan interrogated. "He wasn't exactly the most observant person."

"I don't know." Matt admitted. "I just can't shake this feeling."

"Maybe you need a joint. I know I guy." Alan suggested.

Matt locked eyes with his roommate. "You're trouble, Tracy."

That entire day of classes Alan's mind was consumed with thoughts of Sam. What if Matt was right? What if Sam was murdered? Sam couldn't be forgotten. Not like his mother. He was not just another statistic.

After his classes were finished for the day John picked him up. The memorial service was tomorrow and his family didn't want him to be in his dorm room all night. Matt's parents were picking him up later that night. They had plans to meet before the memorial service. Alan and Matt had called Wesley's father to let him know the location of the service. He was still on probation and hadn't left for Louisiana yet.

Alan was sitting on the couch considering the conversation he had with his roommate that morning. The more Alan thought about Matt's idea the more it made sense. It was making Alan's skin crawl. Why would someone murder Sam? Alan was suddenly scared out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay, Sprout?" Virgil was standing beside him looking at him with concern.

Alan took a deep breath to clear his thoughts. He had forgotten his brother's and father were here. They never missed anything anymore. "Sorry, I was distracted." He confessed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" John asked.

The room felt entirely too crowded for this conversation. He wanted to make up some lame excuse about homework and leave the room. But he knew his family wouldn't buy that. They knew he didn't care about school that much. "I was just thinking about Sam." Alan stated.

"What about him?" Gordon had known Sam better than all his brothers. He had actually hung out with Sam once. Maybe he could provide good feedback on Matt's idea.

"Sam was an idiot. Matt and I acknowledge that. He made stupid choices without thinking about the consequences." Alan discussed. "But Sam would never do meth and he wouldn't kill himself."

"No one ever said he killed himself, Sprout. Accidents happen." Scott tried to add another view point of the situation. "You're living proof of that."

"That's what I'm saying!" Alan raised his voice. "Sam's mother was a meth addict. She died of _accidental _overdose when he was seven. That's why he was in foster care. Doesn't that strike you as odd? What are the chances that Sam dying the same way?"

"Are you saying he was murdered?" Virgil asked worriedly.

"Sam was in a coma for a week. Why didn't you say anything before now?" Jeff interrogated.

Alan paused briefly to gather his thoughts. "At first I thought it was accidental. Matt and I knew Sam did drugs and didn't know his own limits. It's not like it's the first time he's overdosed. But then I remembered that he switched foster homes last month. Matt mentioned that Sam had become distant. He had these crazy curfews and chores that he had to follow. Things that Sam would never do willingly." He explained.

"Many foster homes have chores and curfews, Alan. It doesn't make them bad people." John defended. "It's hard to keep a large group of teenagers in line. Sam's track record with foster homes wasn't great."

"Matt and I have seen Sam in enough foster homes to know the difference." Alan remarked.

"What does Matt think about this theory?" Gordon wondered. "He was rooming with Sam up until the arrest."

Scott grunted, "What arrest?"

"Sam was arrested for assaulting a police officer two months ago. That's why Alan was able to room with Matt. Sam has been on suspension until his probation ended." Gordon elaborated.

"He peed on a police car and the officer happened to be sitting in the front seat." Alan quipped. "But hey let's call it an assault."

"You knew about this and you didn't tell us." Jeff sounded angry.

"I told Gordon. He knows Matt and Sam." Alan justified. "And Matt was the one who came up this theory."

The look on Gordon's face proved how concerned he was at the revolution. Matt was the rational one in the group. If Matt believed it was murder than the theory held more weight. "What other proof does Matt have?" The cooper haired boy questioned.

Alan shrugged, "Just a feeling, but the more I think about it the more I think he's right."

"Alan," Jeff stated sternly. "I want you to stay out of this mess. You let the police handle it."

Alan stood up in protest. "The police aren't going to handle it, Dad. Sam is just another dead foster kid to them." He argued.

"I don't want you to get wrapped up another investigation." Jeff ordered. "I mean it, Alan."

Alan held up his hands in surrender. "Fine, I'll stay out it." He gave in.

"I want you to stay with one of your brothers from now on. I don't want Matt and you going off on your own." Jeff listed.

"I don't need a babysitter." Alan groaned. "I'm eighteen."

"Alan, if you're right about what happened, then that means there is a murderer walking free with no clear motive. Until we know I don't want you to go anywhere alone." Jeff reasoned.

"Matt and I know more than we told you about Wesley's murderer." Alan divulged.

Scott shared angry looks with his father. "Spit it out, Allie." The oldest demanded.

"Greer didn't want Wesley killed just because of the drugs." Alan recapped. "That was a major motive, but there was something else that Matt and I kept secret."

"I'm not getting any younger here." Scott pressured.

"Wesley and Sam were in a relationship." Alan blurted.

Virgil held up his hand as he thought about his brother's words. "Are you saying that they were gay?" He clarified.

Alan nodded, "Sam didn't want anyone to know."

"But Greer knew the entire time?" Scott suspected.

"He had his suspicions. Wesley and Sam had this ongoing prank at school where they would _act_ homosexual to get on Greer's nerves." Alan elaborated in greater detail. "Greer hated Wesley."

"He's behind bars now anyway." John waved his hand dismissively. "He has a solid alibi."

"There's more to the story." Alan added. Virgil and Scott rolled their eyes at their younger brother. How many more secrets did the kid have? "Greer was Sam's biological father." Alan said passively.

"Did Sam tell you that?" Gordon's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"No, but it wasn't hard to figure out." The blonde fidgeted with his hands. "Matt overheard them arguing once. How else did a drug addicted foster kid end up at Wharton's unless his daddy worked there?"

"It does make sense." Scott contemplated. "Sam was moved into his new foster home shortly after Greer was arrested."

"I know it's hard to think about, Allie." Virgil comforted. "But is it possible that Sam committed suicide? The boy's boyfriend was murdered on his father's orders. That would be a lot for the strongest person to handle."

"I know it's a stretch." Alan admitted. "But I think this was someone sending a sign to Greer."

"I know where this is going, Alan." Jeff interrupted. "You are not going to see Greer."

"Dad, he may know who is responsible for Sam's death." Alan debated.

Jeff shook his head and prepared to speak before Scott intercepted him. "You have to tell the police what you know, Sprout." Scott commanded. "It's too dangerous to get mixed up in. If Sam was murdered and they found out what Matt and you know they'd kill you too."

"I'm telling you the police won't help." Alan rebutted. "They don't care about Sam."

"Then we'll make them care." Jeff supported. "I will go down to the police station with Matt and you after the service tomorrow. We won't leave until they take your statements and promise to investigate."

Alan felt better after his father had promised to help them. His father had pull over the police. He was powerful and no one wanted to piss him off. The police were already on edge after they failed to find Alan during the kidnapping.

That night Alan didn't sleep. He wasn't sure if it was the events of the day or the burden of tomorrow. Alan was unconscious for Wesley's funeral. He didn't have to worry about its impending finalization. This was not something Alan thought he'd ever have to deal with. Alan left the solace of the bedroom he was sharing with Gordon. He didn't want to wake his brother. Alan went outside onto the balcony and sat to look at the stars. It was going to be a long night.

Virgil woke up the next morning to silence. It was odd. Virgil always slept in later than everyone else. Jeff was up before dawn every morning working. Scott and Alan liked to get up and run. Gordon got up to swim laps most mornings. John spent most of his days on five and now he was at the condo with Amanda. The hotel was completely quiet despite it being six in the morning. The doctor knew that Scott and his father were still asleep. He had shared a room with them. Virgil poked his head into the room that Gordon and Alan to find the copper headed man still snoring. Alan was missing. The chestnut haired Tracy padded his way through the hotel suite looking for his youngest brother. Their father had given them strict orders. Alan wasn't supposed to go anywhere alone. Virgil was about to give up and wake his father and Scott up when he saw Alan on the balcony.

"What are you doing?" Virgil scolded as he grabbed a blanket to cover his brother up. "It's freezing out here. Are you trying to get sick?"

"I couldn't sleep." Alan mumbled.

Virgil's expression softened at the younger boy's statement. "Come inside and I'll fix something to warm you up." The medic offered.

Alan got up and followed his brother inside to the small kitchen area. Virgil carded his fingers through his brother's hair to get a better look at him. He looked terrible. "How much sleep did you get, Sprout?" He wondered noticing his pale completion and dark rimmed eyes.

Alan shrugged, "A couple of hours. It's not a big deal."

"Yeah, it is." Virgil debated. "Why didn't you wake one us up?"

Alan suddenly found his hands interesting. "I didn't want to worry anyone." He breezed.

Virgil handed Alan the bug of hot chocolate and joined him at the table. Scott came out his room a little while layer and noticed the younger siblings at the table. "Whoa," Scott laughed. "I thought you had a strict rising routine, Virgil. I believe it includes not waking up until at least nine in the morning."

"Funny," Virgil smirked. "Where's Dad?"

Scott grabbed some breakfast and sat down at the table. "He was up when I left the room." The brunette informed.

Gordon woke up not long after Scott. "I thought you'd be on a run." He asked Scott.

"I woke up too late." Scott admitted. "The service starts at nine."

Alan propped his head on his fist and remained quiet. There was pounding in his head that wouldn't stop. "You should eat something, Sprout. It's going to be a long day." Scott suggested.

Alan got up and went to the bedroom without saying a word. "Did I say something wrong?" Scott questioned.

Virgil shook his head. "He was up all night. He's probably just tired." The doctor answered.

When the Tracy's arrived at the church Alan and Matt broke off from their families. They needed space to do their own things. "I'm so glad you came." Alan spotted Wesley's father.

Anthony Pierce was not everyone's idea of company. To Matt and Alan he was a reminder of Wesley. The boy had gotten all of his traits from his father. Mr. Pierce smiled at the two boys. "The police couldn't have kept me away." He joked.

"You're not wanted again are you?" Matt asked worriedly.

"I'm still on probation for another month." Wesley's father held his hands up mock surrender.

They made some more small talk before Mr. Pierce disappeared into the group. It wasn't a large crowd. Mostly staff members from Wharton's Academy and a few foster families Sam had run through. Alan and Matt had only met them a couple times.

Alan was heading outside for some fresh air before the service started when he slammed into someone hard. He pulled away instantly on gut reaction, but the person held him closer. Alan settled instantly when he recognized the smell. "You aren't supposed to be here." He stressed.

The brunette girl pulled back to meet Alan's eyes. "I wanted to be here for you." She argued.

"Matt and I told you it wasn't safe." Alan emphasized as he pulled the girl out of sight.

The girl leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips. "Some things are worth the risk." She whispered.

Alan ran his hands through the girl's hair. It had been a long time since they'd seen each other last. Since before he was kidnapped. The sound of the church bells broke Alan out his thoughts. "You have to go before someone sees you." He pushed.

"I'll see you after graduation." She kissed him again before disappearing behind the building.

"What are you doing?" Matt pulled him to the church by his jacket. "You just disappeared."

"Katie showed up." Alan muttered. "What was I supposed to do? Introduce her to my family."

Matt rolled his eyes, "I thought you told her not to come."

"She didn't listen." Alan shot back.

Matt and Alan took their seats just in time for the service to start. The boys had decided to let Mrs. Saunders handle the eulogy. Alan couldn't get up and in front of his family and the entire staff of Wharton's and talk about his dead friend. Matt's parents had refused to let Matt speak. Despite Matt's put together appearance his family didn't really get along. He was taking Sam's death harder than Alan was.

After the service was finished everyone returned to Wharton's for a small reception in the cafeteria. "I have half a mind to go up to our room and pass out." Alan enlightened.

"I didn't sleep last night either." Matt confirmed.

"This place is a little too civilized for Sam's taste." Alan added.

Matt could see where this was leading. "We're sneaking out aren't we?" He groaned.

"Follow my lead." Alan directed.

It wasn't hard to escape the chaos in the cafeteria. There were more people at the reception than at the funeral. Alan made up an excuse to use the restroom. Matt said he needed some air and would return shortly. Fifteen minutes later the two boys were sitting on the bleachers on the football field. It was deserted.

"It feels good out here." Matt took a deep breath.

"Cheers to that." Alan held up the drink he had swiped upon his exit.

Matt hit Alan's glass to his jokingly. "Wesley and Sam would have approved of our rule breaking behaviors." He smiled.

"They were the kings of mischief." Alan agreed. "Of course they would approve."

"Everything's going to change after graduation." Matt reminded. "Four years of scheming coming to a close."

"You aren't having second thoughts, are you?" Alan's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "I though you wanted this too."

"I do," Matt assured. "I've been dreaming of this day since freshman year."

"Then what's the problem?" Alan grew curious. Matt had been pushing this since they found out about Sam.

"I'm just worried about Mr. Pierce." Matt revealed. "Are you sure we can trust him? I mean he plays a pretty big role in our end game. It seems like a huge risk."

Alan considered his friend's words. "Wesley trusted his father. That's good enough for me." He thought about his former best friend. If Wesley trusted his father enough to rely on him, then Alan did too. He could only hope that the man would stay out of trouble until graduation was over.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**CHAPTER 26**

Jeff and his sons were going out of their minds. Alan and Matt had completely disappeared. The reception had ended over an hour ago and there was no sign of Alan or his friend. Matt's parents wanted to call the police, but the headmaster insisted they search the campus first.

"Are these your missing boys?" The head security officer pushed the two boys' forward. "They were on the football field."

"Thank god," Matt's mother rushed to hug her son.

Matt's eyebrow's raised at the woman's exaggeration. "We just went out for some air." He explained.

"I gave you rules, Alan." Jeff lectured. "You weren't allowed to go off alone."

"I'm sorry, Dad." Alan apologized. "We lost track of time."

"We'll finish this discussion at home." Jeff ordered.

"Home? You mean at the hotel, right?" Alan questioned.

Jeff shook his head. "You think I'm going to let you stay here after the stunt you just pulled." The man was furious.

"Dad," John intervened. "This may not be the best place for this discussion."

"I said I was sorry." Alan screamed as he stormed out of the room. "Why am I never good enough for you?"

"I'll go get him." Scott groaned.

The peace had fallen apart in the span of the day. Jeff and Alan had been angry at each other the entire way back to the hotel. John knew his father was upset and had misspoken. Jeff wouldn't pull Alan out of school.

"I understand that you're angry." John spoke cautiously. "But I don't think yelling at Alan in front of the enter reception was a good idea."

"I was so worried that something had happened to him." Jeff ran his hands over his face.

"I know," John comforted. "But Alan is a kid. He's going to make stupid and reckless mistakes. That's a part of growing up."

"Promise me you'll keep him out of the investigation." Jeff entrusted.

John nodded, "You know I will. I don't want Alan mixed up in that any more than you do."

Alan was lying on the bed in his hotel room when his father entered. "I'm sorry I lost my temper at the reception." Jeff regretted. "I have no intention of pulling you out of school."

"I didn't mean to scare you." Alan said innocently. "We were just having some fun."

"When Scott noticed you were gone I thought…" Jeff couldn't finish his sentence.

Alan sat up at his father's admission. "You thought what?"

"I thought you had been taken again." Jeff enlightened.

"I'm okay, Dad." Alan confirmed. "No one is going to hurt me anymore."

"The things you know about Sam." Jeff argued. "The secrets you have about Wesley and Sam. They worry me, Alan."

Alan placed a hand on his father's shoulder. "Matt and I told the police everything we knew. It will all work out." He rationalized.

"When did you become the optimist of the family?" Jeff found Alan's behavior different. "I thought that was reserved for John."

"I guess Matt's been rubbing off on me." Alan shrugged.

After his father left Alan picked up his phone and called Matt. He knew Matt wouldn't be grounded. His parents never carried through with punishments. "How goes life, Tracy?" Matt picked up.

"Well my dad is letting me stay so I can't complain." Alan joked.

"Hallelujah," Matt celebrated. "I thought you were toast after that blow up."

"We worked it out." Alan resolved. "But that's not why I called you."

"What's up?" Matt inquired.

"I think we need to bump up our timeframe for the plan." Alan addressed.

Matt paused, "That's a lot of details to rearrange on short notice."

Alan sighed, "I'm not sure we have a choice anymore."

Alan waited for Matt to respond. It was a lot to take in. This was something they had planned for four years. It was premeditated and thought through. It took time and commitment. "Call Mr. Pierce and tell him we're moving everything up." Matt decided. "We put the plan in motion the day final exams end."

"We'll miss graduation." Alan objected.

"It's the only way it will work." Matt clarified.

"Okay, I'm game." Alan agreed. "See you on Monday."

"Alan, wait!" Matt stopped him from hanging up. "You may want to say goodbye to your family. If everything goes according to plan they're never going to see you again."

"You should too," Alan stated sadly. "Nothing too suspicious though."

"See you on Monday, Tracy." Matt hung up with a click.

Alan had already said goodbye to his father. He had one last peaceful conversation with him at least. That was as good as it gets between Alan and his father. Much more and his father would get suspicious. He would save John for last. He had time to make things right with John. He had five weeks until finals. Scott, Virgil, and Gordon were another story. They would be heading back soon. Gordon was down at the pool swimming laps. It was his stress reliever. Scott had gone for a run. He had missed his morning room and probably needed some cool down time. Virgil was down in the lobby playing the grand piano.

"You should put out a tip jar." Alan took a seat next to him.

Virgil continued to play. "I don't play for the money." He dismissed.

"I know," Alan remembered. "You should take some time for yourself. You spend too much of your time taking care of everyone else."

Virgil gave his little brother a confused glance. "Where is this coming from?" The brunette asked.

Alan shrugged, "It's just an observation."

"I like taking care of people, Sprout." Virgil informed. "It makes me happy."

"Is that why you became a doctor?" Alan wondered.

Virgil smiled at the younger boy's curiosity. He forgot how nosy Alan used to be. "That was a big part of it." Alan paused to think about his brother's words. "Do you know what you want to do after graduation?"

Alan shook his head. "I haven't even decided if I want to go to college." He revealed.

"Gordon didn't go to college. You should talk to him." Virgil reminded. "I personally think you should go to Princeton."

Alan chuckled, "You went to Princeton. I think you're a little biased."

"Hey I'm just beating Scott and John to the punch." Virgil admitted. "You know Scott is going to push Yale and John already has a place for you at Harvard."

"With all due respect," Alan disagreed. "I have no interest in any of those schools."

"What schools are you considering then?" Virgil interrogated. "Gordon mentioned something about Matt getting into Stanford."

"I'd prefer to keep you all guessing." Alan smirked.

"Oh," Virgil rolled his eyes. "So you're going to be difficult."

"I just need some space to get my life together." Alan divulged.

"Okay, no pressure." Virgil let the matter go.

"You know you don't have to worry about me, right?" Alan emphasized. "I'm going to be fine."

Virgil put his arm around Alan's shoulders. "You're my little brother. I'm always going to be worried about you." He ruffled the younger boy's hair.

"Oh man," Alan groaned. "I hate it when you guys mess with my hair."

"That's why we do it." Virgil grinned. "It's one of the few ways we can annoy you."

"I'm so fortunate to have so many older brothers." Alan stated sarcastically.

"You better believe it, Sprout." The doctor teased.

Alan felt better after talking with Virgil. He felt like he was leaving things on a good note, no pun intended. He was going to miss Virgil singing him to sleep after a nightmare. He would always treasure those memories. They reminded him that there were still good people in the world that honestly wanted to help people.

That night Gordon and Alan stayed up late talking. Spending time alone with Virgil had been harder than he anticipated. It was making him rethink the plan altogether. He knew he didn't have a choice anymore. Matt was counting on him. They couldn't back out now. They had come too far to turn around.

"How's Matt doing?" Gordon pondered.

Alan lay back on his bed to gather his thoughts before responding. "He's taking Sam's death harder than I am." The blonde confessed. "But I think he'll be okay once he gets wrapped up in school again."

"You don't have to go back if you don't want to." Gordon hinted.

Alan raised his eyebrows in surprise. Gordon was the last brother he expected this lecture from. "I'll be fine. I only have five weeks left before finals." He reasoned.

Gordon sat up to look at his brother. "I just have this horrible feeling that something is going to happen." He thought aloud.

Alan froze at his brother's confession. He had been so careful. There was no way Gordon knew their plans. If Gordon had figured it out, then he wouldn't be sitting here talking to him. He would be getting his father and Scott to drag him home. "Matt and I told the cops everything we know about Sam and Wesley. There is nothing to worry about." He comforted.

"You're right," Gordon sighed. "I'm probably channeling Scott and his anxiety about taking Saunders out tomorrow night."

Alan darted up at Gordon's statement. "Say what now?" He stuttered.

"Scott is taking your headmaster out on a date tomorrow night." Gordon repeated. "You didn't know?"

"Uh no," Alan blurted. "If I did I would have jumped off the balcony to save myself the embarrassment."

Gordon snorted, "Like we would let you."

"Why didn't Scott tell me?" Alan quipped.

The crimson haired man held his hands up carelessly. "I have no interest in learning the inner workings of Scott's neurotic obsessive brain." Gordon spouted.

Alan had to laugh at Gordon's description of Scott. It was too true. Scott was a control freak, straight laced, impatient individual with absolutely no personal boundaries when it came to family. That was what Alan loved about him. There were no excuses from Scott. He was going to be there for you no matter what the cost. God help anyone who got on his bad side. Gordon on the other hand was like a big kid. He had a serious side that reminded Alan of Scott. But for the most part Gordon was a run of the mill prankster. Alan could always count on Gordon to make him smile.

"Did I say something wrong?" Gordon saw his brother's expression change.

Alan hesitated, "Promise me you'll never change."

"I couldn't change if I tried." Gordon joked. "I was born fifty percent awesome, fifty percent original, and ten percent mischief."

"That's one hundred and ten percent of bullshit." Alan jabbed.

Gordon grabbed his pillow and threw it at the blonde. "At least I'm not blonde."

"At least I can read my own name." Alan jested.

"That was one time." Gordon objected. "I told you I had chlorine in my eyes."

Alan laughed, "You have chlorine in your brain."

"That's it smarty pants." Gordon picked his brother up and tossed him onto the bed and started tickling him. They were having so much fun they didn't realize someone had come in the room.

"Some people are trying to sleep." Scott interrupted. "Do you two think you could keep it down?"

Gordon grunted, "It's only eleven, old man. But we understand you need your beauty sleep."

Scott did not find Gordon's comment humorous. He crossed his arms and gave the younger boys a look that could be summed up in one word, commander. "We'll keep it down." Alan promised.

"Thank you," Scott said before leaving the room.

Gordon threw a pillow at Alan's face. "Suck up."

"Did you honestly want another lecture on the importance of routine from commander cranky pants? I did us a favor." Alan resolved.

"Scott's lectures are the worst." Gordon agreed.

"They're worse than having no pool?" Alan said in surprise.

Gordon shook his head in denial. "Nothing is worse than that."

Shortly after Gordon and Alan fell asleep. It had been an emotional day for Alan. He had gotten no sleep the night before his friend's memorial service. He had said goodbye to two of his brothers in the best way he knew how. He gave the memories. Hopefully his brothers would remember him this way. They were going to need memories to get them through. Tomorrow he would tackle the mama bear that was Scott.

The following morning Scott woke Alan up at five for a run. It was going to be their last chance to run together before his family left tomorrow. On the island Alan would wake up to join Scott for his morning run. It was going to be difficult to let that go.

"You've gotten faster." Scott breathed heavily.

Alan chuckled, "Or maybe you're getting slower."

"I highly doubt that." Scott stated sternly.

"I'm just saying that it's common for people your age to slow down." Alan kept pushing.

Scott grabbed his brother and put him in a head lock. "You have been spending too much time with Gordon." He ruffled his hair.

Alan struggled, but eventually managed to pull away from his brother. "I'm not five anymore. You can't mess with my hair." He informed.

"You will always be the baby of the family." Scott explained, "Whether you like it or not."

Alan had been having so much fun he had forgotten what he was supposed to be doing. This could possibly be the last face to face conversation Alan would have with his older brother. This was the man that raised him. He had always been there for Alan, even when he went away to school. Scott had his back. It was going to be difficult for Scott to let him go. Alan knew Scott wasn't going to take things easily. He was going to drive himself insane.

Scott wrapped arm around his little brother. "What's wrong?" The older man noticed to strained look on Alan's face.

"Nothing," Alan stated seriously. "I'm just going to miss you."

Scott smiled, "I'm going to miss you too, Sprout. But you know I'm just call away and I'll see you at graduation. I wouldn't miss that for the world."

Alan tensed at his brother's words. Matt and Alan were not going to graduation. That much they knew for certain. He settled for hugging his brother instead. "Thank you for always being there for me." Alan whispered.

Scott patted Alan's shoulder worriedly. "Where is this coming from?"

Alan tried to keep himself from crying. It was not an easy task. He wanted to break down and tell Scott everything. It was the easiest way. Scott would help him. Scott could save him from making this mistake. But he couldn't let Matt down. Matt was counting on Alan. This was something Wesley, Sam, Matt, and Alan had been planning since freshman year. It was what they had built their friendship around. It was the only way out of his mess of a life. It was an escape.

Scott was concerned. That much Alan could read. His smother hen senses were probably kicked into overdrive. "Talk to me, Allie. What's going on?" The brunette studied the younger boy.

Alan shook his head. "I'm scared you'll forget about me." He halfway told the truth. "When I go to away to college, I mean."

Scott forced his little brother to look at him. "I could never forget about you. I love you, Allie." He hugged Alan closer.

"I love you too." Alan took a deep breath.

Alan pulled away and tried to calm down. He had almost slipped up and given everything away. That could not happen again. They had come too far to throw in the towel now.

"Relax, Sprout." Scott comforted. "It's not like we're never going to see each other again."

Alan's heart stopped at his brother's joke. That hit a little too close to home for his liking. He needed to get off this topic. "Why didn't you tell me about your date?" Alan remembered.

"Okay random." Scott acknowledged. "How did you even know about that?"

"Gordon told me." Alan revealed.

"Gordon has a big mouth." Scott complained.

Alan noticed that Scott had been avoiding telling him. "Are you going to answer the question?" He reminded.

"Yes, I have a date tonight with Professor Saunders." Scott confessed.

Alan laughed, "Are you going to call her Professor Saunders the entire time. I don't even call her that."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Scott apologized. "I thought it might be awkward for you."

"Do you like her?" Alan asked.

Scott hesitated, "Yeah, I think I do."

"Then don't screw it up." Alan recommended.

Scott wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders. "Thanks for the advice."

That night Scott dropped him off at campus before his date. Matt and Alan had planned to come back early from the weekend. They needed to catch up on homework. Jeff, Scott, Virgil, and Gordon were flying out early the next morning. They were going to finish packing up and get some extra sleep.

Alan headed up to his dorm room. I was different than he remembered, maybe because he was walking away from his family for good. If their plan succeeded Matt and Alan's families would never see them again. It was the way he had to be.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds!**

**A/N: Don't worry folks! This is not a suicide fic. I would never kill Alan. I have too much fun writing about him. That being said this will be the last chapter of this story. The sequel is already in the works and will be posted soon. Happy reading!**

**CHAPTER 27**

Matt and Alan had been studying nonstop since returning to school. They may not have planned to attend graduation, but they wanted to actually get the credits to graduation. Sam and Wesley never considered this part of the plan. That was all Matt and Alan.

"Physics is going to be the death of me." Matt groaned as he slammed his book closed.

Alan stared down at his open book. "Calculus is going to kill me."

"We should have pushed our plan up." Matt commented. "I'm going to fail."

"No you aren't." Alan reassured. "You're mister straight A's."

Matt sighed, "That's the only grades my parents acknowledge."

Matt didn't talk much about his home life. It wasn't necessarily bad. His parents were overprotective, but caring. They came out to all school events and were very involved in the parent organization. A few years before Matt started at Wharton's his younger brother Mason died in a car crash. Matt's mother was driving. From what Alan gathered Matt's parents never talked about Mason. It was as if he never existed. Matt didn't say anything out loud, but Alan knew Matt's home life was difficult. That was why Matt put all of his pent up energy into sports and keeping his friends in line.

"You need pizza." Alan decided.

The two weeks that followed were just as chaotic as the first. Final assignments were being completed and everyone was entering hibernation for studying. Matt and Alan were no exception. John had been busy planning for final exams at Harvard. It made things easier on Alan. He didn't need to explain the distance. The upcoming weekend was the first weekend he was going spend with John since his family left.

"How's school going?" John inquired.

Alan was working on setting the table. Amanda was out of town on a seminar. It was the perfect time for Alan to say goodbye to John. The weeks that followed were going to be crazy busy for both of them. "It's good." He responded.

"How is cramming for finals going?" The older blonde questioned. "I could help you."

Alan always called John when he needed help with an assignment. John had this amazing way of helping Alan without making him feel like an idiot. He was good at building up others. Harvard was lucky to have him as a professor. Alan assumed John would return to the Thunderbirds after he was gone. It was a way of life. John never admitted he missed being up on five, but Alan could tell the transition had been a struggle.

"I could use some help with calculus." Alan huffed. "I have no clue what I'm doing."

John smiled, "I haven't taken calculus since college. But I'll see what I can do."

"I'll take what I can get." Alan sighed. "I'm drowning."

"You should have asked me sooner." John scolded. "What have you been doing the past few weeks? I feel like I've hardly heard from you."

Alan shrugged, "I've been studying."

John met his brother's eyes. "Scott called me a few days ago. He's worried about you and quite honestly so am I."

"I have finals in two weeks." Alan reminded. "I've been kind of preoccupied."

"It's more than that, Allie." John reasoned. "You've completely separated yourself from us."

"That's not true." Alan lied.

"Where are you going to college, Alan?" John demanded. "What's your plan after graduation? Because you act like someone who knows what they want, but you haven't said a word."

Alan had really been hoping to avoid this talk all together. He didn't think that his brothers would catch on this fast. "I can't talk about this right now." He refused.

John was obviously not happy with his brother's response. "Why can't you?" He shouted.

Alan was thrown off by John's bluntness. John never yelled or lost his temper. "I need to make my own decisions on my own terms." Alan explained. "I don't need you guys to dictate what I do with my life."

John ran his hand through his hair. "This is your future were talking about, Sprout. It just seems like something you'd want to talk about with family." He ranted.

Alan couldn't blame John for freaking out. He had been purposely shoving them out of his life for the past four years. It was understandable that they would be concerned. "Can we please not fight?" Alan pleaded. "I know that this is frustrating, but I need you to back off."

John considered his brother's words carefully. "I don't want to fight either." The astronaut resolved. "I just want to be there for you. I can't support you if I don't know what's going on."

"You want to support me?" Alan repeated. "Then help me pass calculus."

John was not satisfied with how the conversation was ended. But he agreed to help Alan with calculus anyway. It was obvious to Alan that he wasn't going to be able to say goodbye to John in person. He was going to have to call him after finals. John would get a straight forward goodbye. He was too suspicious.

"How did things go with John?" Matt wondered.

Alan hesitated, "He was suspicious."

"What did you say?" Matt accused.

"I didn't say anything." Alan excused. "Scott called him."

Matt sat down on his bed to gather his thoughts. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" He asked. "It's not too late to back out."

"Do you want to back out?" Alan checked.

"No, I'm all in." Matt clarified. "What about you?"

"We made a promise." Alan remembered. "I have no intention of breaking it."

"So we're really going through with this." Matt sounded relieved. "Exactly the way we planned."

"Everything set up," Alan informed. "I called Mr. Pierce and he's still in."

"Let's do this." Matt grinned.

After dropping Alan off at his dorm John called Scott. He knew his brother had been hoping for better news. Scott was the type of person that expected results regardless of the situation.

"Hey Johnny," Scott answered. "How's civilian life treating you?"

"Amanda's at some seminar in New York all week." John expressed.

"Sounds boring," Scott blurted.

"It's been a long week to say the least." John admitted.

"Did you get a chance to talk to Alan?" Scott pondered.

John was dreading this question. Scott wasn't going to be happy. "Yeah, it didn't go well." He stated.

"What did he say?" The older man interrogated.

John took a deep breath before replying. "He told me to back off."

Scott paused, "What do you think?"

"I think Alan knows what he wants to do after graduation." John resolved. "He just wants to make sure he's making the right decisions for himself."

"I'm telling you something else is going on." Scott pushed. "The kid won't even take my calls, John. The last time he was this distant Dr. Lancaster was hurting him."

"If you're so concerned maybe you should call your girlfriend." John suggested.

"Funny," Scott shot back. "I already did."

John rolled his eyes. "Of course you did smother hen. What did Janet have to say?"

"She said Alan has been super busy with finals." Scott huffed. "And that I was overreacting."

"Janet is a smart woman." John agreed. "You should listen to her."

"Just promise me you'll keep an eye on him." Scott requested.

It was like Scott didn't know him at all. "I'll keep two eyes on him. Scouts honor." John committed.

"You were never a boy scout." Scott rejected. "You have to pinky swear or something."

"I'm hanging up now." John cut off. "I'll talk to you later Scooter."

The following two weeks Alan and Matt were still in full study mode. If they weren't cramming they were planning. There were still some arrangements that needed to be smoothed out. John had been keeping incredibly close tabs on Alan since his visit. Alan made it a point to return his calls and act as normal as possible. The last thing he needed was John calling Scott with his suspicious. It would be game over for sure.

The last two weeks flew by. School had been keeping him distracted up until now. Alan had just completed his last final. It felt like a chapter of his life was coming to an end. High school was officially over. Alan got out his phone and called John. It was time to say goodbye. He knew the time table for what was about to happen. He needed to act fast.

"Hey Sprout," John greeted. "How did your finals go?"

"I think I did well." Alan enlightened.

"That's great!" John said excitedly. "I'll be finished here in the next few hours then I will be there to pick you up."

"That's actually what I was calling you about." Alan stated seriously.

"What's going on, Allie?" John interrogated. "You sound weird."

"I was just calling to say goodbye." Alan rushed. "I love you and I'm sorry it had to be this way."

"Whoa, Alan!" John said frantically. "What are you talking about? Why are you saying goodbye?"

"Please, tell everyone that I love them." Alan begged.

"Hang on, Sprout." John interrupted. "I'm on my way. Don't go anywhere. We can talk about this."

"I won't be here, John." Alan let his composure slip. He was going to start crying. "I have to go. This is the last time you'll ever hear from me." Alan hung up the phone and smashed it with his foot. He did the same with his watch. Alan wanted to make sure his family couldn't track them in any way. It was the most difficult call he's ever made. With his other brothers it was easier. He didn't tell them anything straight forward. After he pulled himself together he met Matt back in their dorm room.

"Are you grabbing anything?" Alan questioned.

Matt shook his head. "Everything stays. That was the plan. Let's go, Mr. Pierce is waiting." He enlightened.

"Let's go." Alan agreed.

Sneaking off campus was normally a difficult task in the daylight, but it was the last day of finals. This meant that everyone was too wrapped up to notice their absence. It was easy to sneak out. Between the end of year excitement and family celebrations it was a piece of cake.

He didn't know what Alan was doing, but he had a terrible feeling. The sorrow in his brother's voice mixed with the clear farewell was enough to break John's heart. The first thing John did was call campus security. Being put on hold reminded John of when Alan was in the hospital and the families were forced to wait in the waiting room. It drove him insane. When the headmaster returned to the phone she informed John that Alan and Matt had left campus. They were caught on the security footage sneaking over the campus fence. Both boys left directly after finals and took nothing with them. She called the local police to be on the lookout. John could not believe this was happening. Alan was graduating two weeks. Why would he run away?

He called his father directly after hoping that Alan had reached out to them as well. "Dad, have you talked to Alan today?" John has a horrible feeling in his gut.

Jeff's' heart raced at the worry in his son's voice. "We've been on a rescue call all morning. We just got back to the island. Why?" The patriarch could see how distressed John had become.

"Alan ran away." John divulged.

Scott, Virgil, and Gordon walked into the room. They were still dressed in their flight suits from the rescue. "What are you talking about?" Scott demanded.

"Alan called me after he finished his last final." John recapped. "He kept saying he was sorry and that he loved us. He said it would be the last time I would ever talk to him. Then he hung up on me. I tried to call him back, but it went straight to voicemail. I called campus security. Alan smashed his phone and watch to pieces. The headmaster said Alan and Matt jumped the campus fence and left all their stuff behind."

"I knew something was going on." Gordon thought aloud. "The last time we talked I had this horrible feeling."

"I've had a horrible feeling for the past month." Scott shared. "Alan hasn't been taking or returning my calls since we left."

"What do the local police say?" Virgil questioned.

"They're going to search, but bottom line is Alan's eighteen. If he wants to disappear they can't stop him." John informed.

"Okay, John head to campus. Tear Alan's room apart. He must have left some trail behind that we could follow." Jeff instructed. "We'll get pictures out to the police. After that we will head your way."

"I'll keep you guys in the loop until you get here." John promised.

The hours that followed were the hardest of John's life. He had torn Alan's dorm room apart to no avail. There was nothing there to indicate where the boys had gone. John called Brains and Fermat to start a camera search. He wanted to make sure police hadn't missed anything at the airports, red light cameras, and train or bus stations. That was all John could do at the current moment until his family arrived.

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Jeff had filed a missing person's report. It was useless considering Alan was eighteen and had left of his own free will. But it gave them some peace of mind. They had turned over Alan's room several times hoping to find something new. It got them nowhere. Wherever Alan had gone he had no intentions of being found. They were forced to return back to the island to use their equipment to get results. Without the local police helping it meant they were on their own. The only comfort Alan have them was the missing cell phone chip he took with him. Scott noticed the chip with all his contacts was missing from the smashed phone. If Alan needed them all he could stick the chip in another phone.

"Have you found anything?" Jeff asked Virgil.

Virgil ran his hands over his face. "Nothing," He sighed. "He covered his tracks well."

Virgil and John had been at the command control computers all day running possible variables. The only thing they did know for certain was that Alan, Matt, Sam, and Wesley had all purchased large quantities of airplane, train, and bus tickets to places all over the country. It was so chaotic that they had to ask Fermat to create a computer code to filter results. It was weighing the computer systems down.

"What about the algorithm Fermat created?" Scott interrogated. "He said it would help narrow things down."

"It does," John acknowledged. "But it's still not enough. It's overloading the computer systems and causing them to freeze. At this rate it would be faster to search by hand."

"That could take months." Gordon fumed.

"We know," Virgil quipped.

"For all we know Alan never used one of those tickets." Scott argued. "They're probably all false leads or he switched tickets with someone last minute and check in under another name."

"It's the only thing we have to go on at the moment." Jeff stated sternly.

"What about rescue calls?" Scott wondered.

"That's what we're saying." Virgil recapped. "As long as this algorithm is running and scanning the Thunderbirds can't receive calls."

"So it's Alan or the Thunderbirds." Gordon snapped as he left the room. "I guess we know what Dad's going to choose."

"Are you fielding any good results with the algorithm?" Jeff interviewed.

"They've all been dead ends so far." John chimed. "Alan knew what he was doing. He knew this would override our systems and cause a complete melt down."

"It's you're call, Dad." Virgil waited for his father's verdict.

"No," Scott spat. "You're not giving up this early. This is your son we're talking about."

"I don't have a choice, Scott." Jeff rebutted. "Innocent lives are at stake."

Scott couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What about Alan's life?" He raised his voice.

Jeff held his hands up to stop Scott. "I'm not giving up." Jeff compromised. "We're going to start searching by hand."

"Gordon's right it could take months." John reminded.

"Every spare moment we have I want us working on finding your brother." Jeff ordered.

Scott breathed a sigh of relief. "Finally something we can all agree on."

**The End**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, and favorited this story. It makes me so happy! Don't worry this is not the true ending. I have already started writing the sequel. **


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